Death and Relations Can be Painful

Failed Relationship

Relationships That Fail
Failed Relationships

Read a few pieces by one of the authors on WDC, and it got me to thinking about failed relationships.  Just reading her entry re Scared out of My House, gave me goose bumps.  How do people who fall in love, get married, and decide to live together wake up one day and find that they are no longer willing to continue the relationship?

Do they fall out of love?  Do they just want to move on?  Was the partner abusive?  Were they ever really in love?  Questions, questions, and more questions.

Here is my take on my own episode of a failed relation.  I met and fell in love with my ex-husband in college.  The sun rose and set in him.  I loved him from the day I first laid eyes on him.  We walked in the rain.  Kissed under the stars.  Made promises to love each other forever, but to move on, if we ever stopped feeling that way, but then, that would never happen because we were so much in love.

Fast forward.  We got married, had four beautiful children, and purchased our first home.  Two years later while the children and I were visiting his mother, he moved out.  Lock, stock, and barrel!  GONE!  When we returned home, the house felt different.  Almost like it was empty.  I started checking rooms, and sure enough all of his stuff was gone.  He didn't even leave a note with a forwarding address.  I was devastated.  Life stopped.  I was lost.  Couldn't think, and yet I lived.  I was still madly in love with him, but he had moved on.

Today.  I am still single (a divorcee), and our children are all grown up, married, and with children (some with grandchildren). His Mother has since died.  He has never remarried, but has lots of female friends, and he periodically tells the children that the greatest mistake he ever made was leaving home.  Sounds good, now that the children are all grown, and doesn't need him.  Sounds even better now that we are both old and settled in our ways.  But what was the root cause for the separation, the end of our relationship?

I puzzled about that often, but I have yet to come up with a good answer.  I believe in my heart of hearts that I was a good mother, a great lover, an exceptional cook, a partner in our finances, and a pretty good listener.  Lord knows I was a looker and a major catch by most definitions.  I was also high maintenance.  I needed attention, and always wanted his attention, but he had a wondering eye, and he continued his education while I worked.  Bad combination.  He was still being around people that were moving on, and I was around babies who needed diaper changes, help with homework, clean clothes to wear, and breakfast, lunch and dinner, snacks and dessert.  I did not have time to compete with his mind.

Then he left.  I found the time to go back to school and eventually got two masters, certification in management, enhanced computer skills, elected to the City Council, and still managed to raise the children and take care of my Mother.  I ask myself, would I have accomplished those things, if he had stayed?  I also wonder why he has never remarried.  I am also still a divorcee, and a lonely one at that, but for the most part, I am a very happy one. 

I, now, share my life with sixteen grandchildren, and a great grandson whom I adore.  I am also told that a great grand-daughter is on the way.  I am Mayor of my City, and my residents seem to be pleased with my accomplishments and the direction in which the City is going.  I am retired from working, and for the most part, I am alright with that, but thinking that I miss the daily interaction with the working world.

Recently, (the last two years), I have started writing on WDC (I have always written to express feelings, but never to share with others).  This has been and continue to be an adventure, and it takes up quite a bit of my time.  I am even thinking about writing a book, just not sure on what I will be writing.

Looking back, my failed relationships was not all bad.  It pushed me in a new direction or to a path I might not otherwise have traveled.