Diary of a Middle-aged Woman

I'm Back! I think

Okay, here we go again! I will try my best to post something - no matter how nonsensical - every day. I tried that a number of years ago and I somehow got off track.I think I lost faith in my writing. I was submitting various forms of writing, from greeting cards to children's stories, and getting rejected left and right. I found myself curled up into a fetal position with a massive case of writer's block. Thus the lack of entries for so long. I basically gave up on the whole dream of being a paid writer and decided to move on with my life.

Or so I thought. Writing is a disease that is never cured, It gets into your blood and never leaves you. It may go into remission and withdraw
from your daily life, but, it never lets you go. The internal writer starts all over again whispering in your ear. First it's a flash of character descriptions recited in your head. You see someone and the internal writer starts narrating their description as if you were reading about them in a short story or novel. Then you begin to think of story lines and plots - just playing around in your mind, nothing serious. You eventually start to think of the writing you did and wonder why you ever stopped. Your mind playing selective memory. You forget the rejection and the self-doubt and begin to dream again. You start to think of full stories and characters - maybe even some dialog.

Next thing you know you are sitting at your computer and writing again. This is the stage that I am at. I couldn't NOT write. I tried to ignore it and even told myself "you aren't as good as you think or you would be published." But I continue to write. I don't know if I will get paid to write, but I feel like I have to anyway. I often wish that I wasn't this way - you know, a "writer". It is the most frustrating occupation or past time, or hobby or whatever the hell it is. But, if I make just one person smile, or get just one positive review, it fuels me to continue. It encourages me and makes me think "you ARE that good".