Death and Relations Can be Painful

An Ennead Letting Go's (Bad Feelings)

Bad feelings seem to just sometime show up and take a seat at my table.  Uninvited, unwanted, and unwelcome, bad feelings sit down and makes itself at home.  You wonder why you are feeling bad.  You know that things are not as bad as they seem, and that whatever is bothering you will surely go away.  Yet, those bad feelings just linger on cup of coffee and all.

Throughout my life, I have had occasions when I was forced to deal with my bad feelings.  The first step in recognizing my bad feelings was to acknowledge that I was having them.  Frequently, I would act and behave as if everything was just peachy keen.  Laughing out loud.  Smiling when I wanted to cry.  Staying in bed because I told myself I was not feeling well.  Sleeping all day except for bathroom breaks, and lots of other behaviors that spoke volumes to my feelings, but plainly in denial.

Recognizing my bad feelings required me to exam why I was having them.  What happened?  How were they being triggered?  Most time the answer was easy.  Someone close to me died.  I could not make ends meet, and did not want to face the consequence.  Made a few bad choices and now I had to pay for them.  Spent more money than I had, and now a major emergency has occurred, and I am on the short end.  The list could cover more pages than I choose to write, but you get the picture.  A host of things could invite bad feelings to take a seat at my table, and pull up a chair.

The second step for me in dealing with my bad feelings was to recognize my role in inviting them to the table (did you see that list above).  If you really don't like those bad feelings, then stop creating them.  That's right, most of my bad feelings are created by me, myself, and I!  No, I could not stop the passing of my love ones, but I certainly could get help coping with their passing.  I could be honest with myself, and accept the fact that it was their time to meet their maker, and one day I would have to do the same.  Death is a part of living.  Instead, I would sit around and ask why.  I would play the saddest music ever written, and have a field day crying in my own cup of coffee.

Anyone can make a budget and follow it or they can fly by the seat of their pants.  My favorite mode of operation.  When you fly by the seat of your pants, you keep no records, you run the expenditures in your head.  You tell yourself you are on top of this.  You got it.  You will know what to do when the bill comes in.  Something will happen.  Something does happen.  I stress and stress until the time comes to pay the bills and I don't have it, and the world does not end.  In fact, the more days pass, the less urgent and fewer bad feelings linger.  Lesson:  It was not that big of a deal.  As Mother would say, "You turned a mole hill into a mountain!"

The third step in getting rid of my bad feelings is to stop doing those things that caused them in the first place.  Yeah, I am in control of me.  I can honestly do something about me.  Once I recognize that, and actually do something about me, I have fewer and fewer bad feelings.  Set up a budget.  Pay you and your bills first.  Be realistic on what you can spend, and what you can't.  DO NOT touch your savings.  They are not rainy day funds.  It rains almost every day, so leave the savings alone.  Live within your means.

When the world gets you down, and that can happen, you can't always pick yourself right back up and tackle it again!  Get some help.  Everybody needs somebody to talk to that will honestly listen without judging.  There are people out there that are trained to listen.  Okay, they cost money, but then isn't that why you work--to take care of you, yours, and your needs?  Then how best to spend the money making sure that you are alright.  No, it is not a sign of weakness.  It is a sign of health-mentally-healthy you us a better you.

So my third step in getting rid of those bad feelings is to find someone, not your mother, not your best friend, not your coworker, but a licensed psychiatrist or psychologist, and start the mental health process.  It is painless (time-consuming--about 50 minutes per session), but time well spent.  You will not stop having bad feelings, but you can certain learn how to let them go.

Letting go of bad feelings will reduce the stress in your life, give you more free clear thinking time, and boost your energy level to allow you to use your time more wisely.  Exercise and meeting positive people will also help to reduce bad feelings.

My final step in letting go of bad feelings is learning to love yourself--not that made up doll baby or teenager looking back at you from the mirror.  That is make up and your mind playing tricks on you.  You are beautiful!  Your wrinkles are beautiful.  Those aging eyes are beautiful.  That headful of grey hair is beautiful.  That fat that you acquired over the years is also beautiful, and if you don't like it, do something about it.  PUSH BACK FROM THE TABLE.  Go to the gym.  Stop eating out.  Take up yoga, but don't hate you.  You are wonderfully and fearfully made by a loving God who loves you just as you are, and He will never reject you.

Psalm 139:14  14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.  KJV