The Stargazer

Stargazer (chapter seventeen)

Rowan watched Aislinn sleep, the gentle rise and fall of her breathing a reassurance he found he needed. She’d been so exhausted, even the short trek back to the tower had been too much for her. The argument over whether or not he should carry her had been shorted lived because she’d fallen asleep between one word and the next leaving him with no option but to put her in his bed. Again. Firelight flickered over her blanket shrouded form, tracing the curve of her cheek and sweet bow of her mouth.


He looked away, a hard knot in his guts.


Kissing her had channeled the power into the bubble but had left him with an ache that lingered in his bones. He’d been alone too long, he consoled himself. That was the only possible reason he could think of to want to repeat the experience only without the magic scrambling his senses. When she kissed him back, he wanted to know it was because she wanted to and not because she was caught up in the dance. Yep. Insanity. It had to be.


He shoved to his feet, pacing to the hearth and back, his eyes straying to Aislinn once more. She might be small and soft, but he’d never seen courage like hers before. Soldiers fought because they were ordered to. She fought because she chose to. He’d tried to write it off as desperation to be free, but she wasn’t panicky, just determined, and he was certain she could accomplish anything she put her mind to. She knew the risks inherent in challenging the Time King and she’d chosen to accept them. He’d known courageous men but he’d never seen such indomitable will.


He rubbed at his chest, sinking back into his chair, still staring at the woman on his bed. She’d broken something in him and he couldn’t even claim she’d been trying. She made him want things he shouldn’t want and could never have. Even knowing he had no right and no chance, it didn’t stop the longing to touch her.


Her breathing changed, the only warning he had before she bolted from the bed with a cry. He caught her, holding her against him as she struggled to get her bearings. Her wings fluttered impotently behind her, a soft caress that left a glittering shine in their wake. He held her until she calmed and her struggles became a tight embrace around his neck. She was crying, he realized belatedly. Tears soaked his shirt and her body shook with sobs.


“It’s all right, Aislinn.” He tried for soothing but it came as gruff as always. “You’re here. I’m here. We’re both fine.”


“I dreamed,” she hiccupped into his shirt. “I dreamed we shattered the bubble but you died. I could see you bleeding but I couldn’t do anything!”


He cradled her head against his shoulder, not knowing what to say to that. She was crying over a dream? Over the thought of his death? Probably neither, but whatever had upset her, it had shaken her deeply.


“It was just a dream,” he whispered. “I’m alive.”


Her fingers flexed against his shoulders but she didn’t move away.


“Are you sure I’m not dreaming? You haven’t snarled at me yet.”


He growled, sure he was being teased, and was reward by a tear soaked chuckle from the vicinity of his chest. Sapphire eyes rimmed by long damp lashes, lifted to his face and he felt some of the tension leave her body. 


“Thank you. I needed to hear that.”


“I don’t snarl at you all the time.”


She buried her face against his shirt again, laughter rippling silently through her body. He held her gently, waiting for her to pull away, but she remained like that, leaning into him. Hope trickled into the cracks around his heart. He tried to deny it, tried to push it away, but there it was, a tiny glimmer of a dream he’d once held.


“Far be it from me to argue with you,” she murmured and then sighed. “We did it, Rowan, but we still have so far to go.”


“It hurt you,” he snapped, unable to keep the growl out of his voice. “Every time you try, it hurts you. I don’t like it.”


“It hurt less this time,” she said, not denying he was right. She pulled her face out of his shirt and rested her chin over his heart, her gaze solemn. “Maybe because I had more focus. Maybe I was just ready for what happens. Maybe it was because of you. Whatever the reason, we did some damage.”


“You want to do it again.”


It was a statement of fact but she reacted like a he’d waved a red flag at a bull. Wings flaring, she surged back against his grip. Startled, he tightened his arms around her.


“You don’t want to?” From the set of her jaw and the sudden flare of temper in her eyes, that was a rhetorical question. “Do you want to stay here for the rest of your life?”


“What makes you think I’m not content with things as they are?” he countered.


She hesitated and then her eyes went narrow. “He took your freedom, Rowan. He took your stars. Aren’t those things worth fighting for?”


But she was here now. He shook his head, refusing to let the words come out of his mouth. Catching the twitch in her jaw, he realized she’d taken the gesture the wrong way and clamped a hand over her mouth before she could start in on him.


“My freedom isn’t worth your life,” he said simply, hoping that would be the end of it.


Her teeth clamped down on his finger and he let go of her with a yelp, jerking away. Aislinn staggered but caught herself, her wings spread for balance. She’d used that stance in the past just before she attacked.


He caught her as she launched herself at him, taking her down in a rolling tumble so he landed on his shoulder, immediately shifting to pin her to the floor with his size rather than his strength. He didn’t want to hurt her but he wasn’t going to allow her to hurt either one of them either.


“Get off me, you oaf!”


“Not until you calm down.” He caught the hands that clawed at him. Her wings fluttered against the floor, pushing her against him, but she wasn’t strong enough to break his grip.


She struggled, finally settling for shoving at him and glaring. She was nowhere near done fighting. It made him want to smile. All that fire aimed at him. It was enough to set a man ablaze but what a way to die.


“My freedom. Your freedom. Those things are worth fighting for, you ridiculous human.”


He blocked another blow. “Human, yes. Ridiculous, no.”


“Your opinion. Not mine.”


He waited for her to settle down but it became clear that she had no intentions of falling in with that plan. Tired of dodging blows and claws, he finally buried his face in the sweet curve where her neck met her shoulder. She went stiff against him. He could practically feel the outrage pouring out of her, but she stopped trying to gouge his eyes out. She was so soft under him. He ached to wrap his hands around her and never let go.


“I want to be free,” he whispered into the silky skin, wishing he could lean just a fraction closer and feel that flesh against his mouth. “I’m not going to risk you to do it.”


“Because I’m a woman,” she shot back, the bitterness in her voice a livid burn in the air.


“No, because I don’t want you hurt.”


“Likely tale,” she snorted.


Rowan had had enough. He rolled off her, leaving her sprawled on the floor, and shoved to his feet. All warm feelings dissolved as the now familiar painful awkwardness wrapped around him. How many times had it been proven that he didn’t know how to talk to a woman? It wasn’t as if he’d had any practice at it.


“Twelve times, he chose,” he snapped, angry at having to have this conversation. She was a clever woman. Why hadn’t she seen the pattern? Why did he have to explain it to her? “Twelve times, he was right.”


Aislinn sat up, shaking the thick fall of her hair out of her face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”


“The King.” He shook his head. “The men he chose for his daughters were the ones they fell in love with. I was just a catalyst to get things moving along.”


“And you’re afraid I’m going to expect you to fall in love with me.” A toss of her head sent the fall of curls tumbling between the vivid arch of her wings, her expression one of disdain. “Don’t worry. I have no such expectations.”


“You don’t understand.” Something in his voice made her go still and he forced the words out from between clenched teeth. “He didn’t promise me a woman I would fall in love with. He promised me the love of a Fae princess and that, Princess, would be you. He picked you, just like he picked the others.”


He didn’t know what he expected. An eruption. Denials. Emotions played across her expressive face settling somewhere that resembled thoughtful. No anger darkened her eyes as she rose from the floor with all the grace of a dancer and brushed at her skirts.


“Well,” she said finally. “That explains the perpetual bad attitude. Thank you for thought but don’t overrate your charms.”


“Aislinn, I like you and I don’t want to see you get hurt!”


His roar lit the air between them but she only raised a brow and settled her gown into neater lines.


“I’m not human, Rowan,” she said softly, no anger in her voice now, only the faint glitter of heightened emotion in her eyes. “I’m Fae. When I fall in love, it is a forever thing. Fae have been known to die if we get our hearts broken. For that reason alone, I will never hand my heart to a man who has made it clear he thinks of me as a lesser being.”


“I don’t think of you as less.” His protest sounded weak even to him. “But you are weaker. Fragile. Even you have to admit that.”


“I’m sorry if I’m not one of your enormous strapping soldier friends.” The glitter in her eyes shone brighter for a moment but she blinked it away. “Stop worrying about my state of mind and start thinking like a soldier. You’re trapped and I’m the only wedge you’ve got. Use it.”