Off the Cuff / My Other Journal

Now, Who�d Want Me to Eulogize Myself!

Some people insist that Mark Twain is misquoted in “Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.” Well, Mr. Twain, you are not the only one. Not only you are misquoted, but also, I am not dead...yet.

Now, why would anyone want me write a eulogy for myself? Don’t I have any friends left to do that for me? My friends can be detached, careless, selfish and self-interested, and they may have unresolved feelings toward me, but believe me, none of them would pass the chance to say a few words after me in a variety of contexts, and I mean a rich variety that could cover all the writing genres, especially the horror genre.

Besides, if I give my own eulogy, I can’t get a front-row seat, can I?

Then, suppose I do, what shall I say? “Let’s celebrate my passing.” Or shall I say, “Yay, Freedom! I’m outa here!” Or maybe I shall write. “That’s it for me, guys. You stick around and suffer. There!”

Maybe I’ll start with something serious like: ““What I want my God, my husband, my children, people of my belief system, --I’m being diplomatic here. In case one heaven is closed, the other could be open-- to say about me…” What? Just wait a minute! Am I telling God how to talk here? Now, I’ll never make it inside the pearly gates. Do you see what you made me think and almost write?

Nope, no way! This woman is never going to write her own eulogy. And just to spite you, I am donating my old body to science, which means there won’t be a corpse to cry over or eulogize.

Again, as Mark Twain has said or rumored to have said: “Because when it comes down to preference, it comes down to preference.”

Now, who’d know Yogi Berra was Mark Twain reincarnated!

And to answer the prompt question directly: They should eulogize nothing. Actually I wish for everyone to get ice-cream and cake, and party, party!

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Prompt: What should they eulogize? Write the perfect funeral speech for your own funeral.