Articles for Smeet.com

Do Not Feed The Smeet Trolls

Hi, I’m WillKane, and this time I want to help you deal with the trolls. I don’t mean those ugly things you see in the movies who live under bridges, poop all over the place, and try to eat people. I’m talking about internet trolls, people who have nothing better to do than cause trouble or plain nonsense in different ways. There are different kinds of trolls, but in Smeet we usually will see only the most basic type: the casual troll who usually says and does the same one or two things over and over again to people in a public room. The recommended way to deal with ANY troll is to IGNORE them. Click the “Block” option on the lower right of the troll’s profile when you click on the troll so you do not have to see what the troll says in the room any more.

However, for those of you who may have trouble ignoring a troll(s), remember that handling a troll is still a piece of C.A.K.E.:

C is for Chill. Calm down. Trolls do not think like the rest of us. They can intentionally misspell words or names, talk crazy or be obscene, proclaim their love to random strangers, etc.; you name it, they will say or do whatever wrong just because they CAN. They’re like the kid in the back of the classroom who kept making fart noises with his hands...except all grown up. There is no need to freak out because of a troll; it’s what they want you to do.
A is for Accept... the fact the troll is ridiculous and will always do the opposite of what others expect. More times than not, I find trolls are pathetic in real life in some way, or they could be bored, high or drunk. In any case, don’t waste your time correcting them because trolls will always choose to be obnoxious and dumb.
K is for Kill, as in kill the troll with kindness. Why sink to their level? Be nice to trolls if you can. They may not be used to being cared about...or direct sunlight.
E is for Encourage. Encourage the troll to have normal conversation with the rest of your group. I have actually seen this work. A troll cannot keep up the act once (s)he decides to just be like everyone else for a little while.

Now what I am about to tell you, I don’t recommend to do in ANY way as a journalist, or as any badge-holder or Smeeter. But here’s what I did (before Smeet badged me):

I decided to own the troll Divagal69 in Daily Buzz one night a few weeks ago. Though technically a female avi, the confused troll literally chased any woman in the room with suddenly deep, long-lost love. After incredible persistence, upon final rejection this troll immediately had the same affection for the next woman. With some help from my built-in audience, I trolled this troll by making fun of his/her intensely confused ways and hopeless stupidity (in a totally professional and respectful way) at length until the troll cursed at me, sat down and gave up to have a regular talk with others in the room.

But like I said, don’t troll the troll on Smeet. I only did it because I knew I would win (I am ultra-competitive to a fault, just ask my wife) and because at the time I said to myself, I CAN, ha!

Just remember, ignore or block the troll first, and it’s always a piece of C.A.K.E. Until next time, have fun and happy Smeeting!