Enga mellom fjella

Avoidance

All of a sudden I didn't want to open my email inbox. There's no recent reason for this fear. It's an echo from trauma long ago.

Interesting though. I didn't expect it.

It does seem part of an old pattern. I have seldom wanted to engage in communication when the message is negative towards me. I suspect this goes back to childhod. I KNOW this goes back to childhood.

I could ask my mother but we don't talk about things like this.

Avoid, avoid, avoid.

I am much more confident when I'm doing the talking. Like last night. I got to read three of my poems for Freek from Belgium. He writes plays. Unfortunately for me... in Dutch.

Today I really need to visit Belem and then focus on the next part of my trip. I leave tomorrow for Norway. I dare not avoid what needs to be done. No time for past traumas.