PinkBubbles

Love, I think, is the color of the rainbow...

“Without hope, there is no despair. There is only meaningless suffering.” –D. Morgenstern

Some of you have came to me and told me you could not help and that is sooooo fine. I am not asking anyone to put themselves in a similar or uncomfortable situation, but I received a C-Note from one and that made me feel loved and I thank you. It helps. Do not think that anything would be too little.

I post in my blog for a variety of reasons which is horrid because this is the same blog that could have kept me sane when dealing with the alcoholic I was dealing with and other situations where I just needed to 'get it out'.

I am starting today, today. I am going to call a car place that was recommended (not the guy who looked at the car in the first place. I am not sure if they can give me a good estimate without seeing the car, but I have codes. So step one:) I do not have enough for repairs, but perhaps that will somehow come next.I am trying to stay positive.

I have been asked if there are buses in my town. Yes and No. The buses cost money and the routes are set. I am not in a huge city where we can go from doorstep to doorstep and I would have to learn to use them. I am not against that, believe me. I am still in recovery for the surgery I had less than three weeks ago. I can not get public assistance, unemployment, anything. I was with a man for almost three years and while I worked off and on, the last job I 'pointed' out of. Half because I was ill and half because he wanted me to quit and I believed him when he said he was going to marry me. How pathetic. I am dealing with my first broken heart at my age......But just so you know, I am looking for options, not JUST a handy handout. I am capable of working as soon as I get released from my surgery hold...this Thursday (I hope and am sure). I did not know of this site I am posting about until my daughter told me about a girl she knew who bought lots of stuff, including a laptop using the site. I thought I would check it out. It sat there for days, untouched. I still feel weird about it. The site is in the footnote. If you do use it, please do not ask for things you can well afford if you save up. I am asking for help to help myself and that is embarrassing enough. Next time I use the site, it will be to donate, not to beg:(

Anyways...depression still looms. My doctor does not think I need meds. He thinks it is situational and the problem has been that since my father committed suicide, all the doctors did was medicate. I need to go through this process, learn from it, and grow even stronger. I am one class away from graduating from College. I actually have enough units to transfer. There is a life I want to live and I am fighting for it. I am not going to allow a man to take that away from me. Please, don't you ever allow anyone to think you are less than your value. Your value is not for another to determine. I am always here if you need help. I have been through a whole hell of a lot and if I can help you, I will. If I can't, I will find someone who can. The best advice I can give is to love yourself first. Sounds selfish, huh? Take care of you.If you do not love yourself,or just pretend to, no one else will be able to do it either and you will never be fully able to give the love you can have to another...and another...and another....

and hope blossoms....



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Footnotes
1  http://www.gofundme.com/SaveMySoul