PinkBubbles

another day

I went in yesterday to get my car fixed. It was not as bad as I thought. I had to borrow some money from my daughter and had some given by friends and it looked good. I went to take it to get smogged and it did not pass. seems the engine light has to be turned off for a while. When I started driving it, the engine light came back on. I drive it back to the wonderful garage man who told me rats or squirrels chewed through one of my 'thingies'..ate all the wires. He is going to try and fuse them together for a very wonderful price. I am trying so hard not to be bitter....

It was my ex's alcoholic dad who put my car in the field because I was not driving it. I asked him not to. there was enough dirt for it to be on. It was only moved out of the field once the goats started crawling all over it. Of course, my ex does not think this is his fault, and all the cars wires would be eaten in all the cars. No, they are parked on dirt on the other side of the field...not where the squirrels are. he bought a registered gun to kill these animals because they STARTED to go into the goat feed. I am just so angry that I start to progress and am stopped short because of what seemingly seems to be connected to his dad, who I tried for years to help. my daughter is right, it does me no good to be bitter.

It is hard and I try...I am forty six, going in for my follow up surgery that doesnt seem to be healing as well as it should. I am kept up at night by my daughter and son-in-law whos bedtime is 1-2 (and one works at 7) and they are sooo loud. I woke up literally screaming in pain because of the air bed I borrowed is not good for my arthritis.

I interviewed for the job...good thing:) Bad thing: commission only,. Got the job if I want it....you will not start making money right away.

Good thing: car can and hopefully will be fixed. Bad thing: I am borrowing money and begging for money on the web.

Good thing: I have a place to sleep other than my car. bad thing: it isnt good enough for me.

I am a selfish person......

Please pray, chant, dance, send vibes that I can let go of the bitterness and self-loathing that is taking hold. It is killing me more than my circumstances.