Who do I still think I am??

This one's about who did it.

30DBC PROMPT: "Shadows Within", courtesy of sunnystarr.

Hello friends! Great prompts today and a lot to get into, so buckle up, because here we go!

I don't know where we're going though.

Shadows within. We're all trying to hide something; we're scared of the stains left behind becoming seen. We draw paths around it so the world can facilitate its charms throughout. Crippled emotions and stunted growth...the fermented layers of the onion reveal more onion when peeled back. As alone as we are in a world that won't let you be, every scab becomes fodder for someone looking to build a new you in their eyes. Every detail and nuance. You are the new hero, having overcome illusions and mouth-breathing assailants. For those who want to be you, now they can. But there's one lingering flaw. There's something they can't live with, and a spec that can't be replicated. Doubts are user-specific. The past is not a part of another's machine. You are not I, and I don't know who are you.

You can't cry for my days of yore or exalt in the joy I've known. You cannot build me a shadow of me. You can make me, break me down, and restructure me with the hope that I'll conform, but there is no twin nor equal in my journey. My symphony is married only to the light cast upon me by darkness, unattainable to all but the ears that envelope my surroundings. I'm a tortured sin reflected upon the humanity, passed over and neglected as "just another"...but I'm anything but. I see the worrisome underbelly. I [soak in] the cries, sponge-like and flaccid along walls and stairs and stares. This is you when you're not you, or so you think.

BCF PROMPT: "Riddle me ...All about, but cannot be seen, Can be captured, cannot be held, Can be heard. What is it?"

Voices carry weight, dark and unrecoverable. Every day is a riddle when you let life become complicated by outside forces you can't control. Blame and contemplation. Everything tells you to be something other than what the shadow of you knows. Are you alone? You're not, even in the darkest of indulgences. You're still in the presence of you...whether you like it or not; whether you like you or not.

Your will to listen to reason knows right from wrong and can advise you of the best path to choose; your unhinged desires spit opposition and promise immediate gratitude in exchange for the sacrificing of long-term security and future benefits. A tangled party becomes an ordinary soul...what we want is not what we need, and what we need becomes increasingly harder to come by. Answers come via the first rapid purveyor of transient enjoyment, often, leaving the shadow to determine the least-desirable outcome when nothing else is left to count the remaining days upon.

If you hear a regret, you must first wash it against yourself and ponder its significance. Is it worth my worry? Am I in the wrong? There may be devils in the details and proofs in puddings, but it's safe to say the condemning treasure consists of actualization once the aura of enlightenment casts its dark eyes upon your person reflected in a sullen light. As it continues to seep within, your boundaries are blurred and your mouth dries at the thought of something higher than you knowing your [deeds, attributes and drawbacks].

Voices carry weight, as long as the shadow within is in tune to hear all of them.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

My shadow...

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

"Why did you do it? The details are yours to discern."

But no. No, no, no, no, no! I won't let my nature be drawn into this discussion. I won't be sullied into admitting something that simply isn't true just because it's assumed. I'll take it to my grave that I did nothing wrong and nothing of the sort of misdeeds represented. Believe what you hear about me if you will, but there is only one person who knows the truth, and that's me. Maybe there's not a bank you can take that to anymore, but fuck it, I don't care. Life and death, sex and checks, you can't take my innocence from me. Dark hair, hat covering the eyes, quietly speaking only when spoken to...you can't lump me in with the guilty party; I don't even know who they are! You ask me what and I'll tell you what it is...for me. I've got nothing to hide and I never have. I'll appreciate it that you leave me where you found me, so I can get back to tearing down my own life one or two drinks at a time, instead of this unnecessary intrusion on my time and the wasting of yours.

I'm not a superstar, and I'm not a [has-been, washed-up wannabe] reclaimer of such gifts, but if I ever come to your town to promote myself, better believe I know where I am  . In Shaggy's defense, I have absolutely no clue about the wisdom he was trying to dispense  . All I know is...it wasn't me.

Here's an anxiety primer on what not to do  , courtesy of a cousin. If you try to smack me upside the head with any of these, don't be surprised if I retaliate with introverted silence and/or [whatever it is that gives you the willies].

If you love books, this is awesome  . And amazing, in that someone took the time to put this gallery together.

Went over my schedule at Capco   with my supervisor this morning. Ladies, here's a hint for ya: if you're gonna put streaks of a non-traditional color in your hair, and you're not capable of cleansing that color off your body, please do not wear a shirt that scoops low on the shoulders. My bosslady is really nice, but wow with the unsightly pink stains in her dark hair and her nape and shoulder area. I fuck with my hair from time to time but even I know enough to clean up on and around the area of dyage. Poor lamb, even if she did it for a good reason. But anyway, next week I go back to my regular hours, so we'll see how that goes.

Peace and Happy Birthday to Fran 🌈🧜‍♀️ , a positive supporter and occasional judge of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" . Many more, Fran!

I may actually tweet this entry today...last entry I tweeted out I was in the midst of being scorned by PandaPaws Licensed VetTech over at "Invalid Item" . It's been fun being a [pseudo-rambunctious, quasi-fictional] spitter drawing on my personal life and current events stuff long enough to hold your interest if you made it this far.

Don't be that Panda.

Anyway, it's all good. Peace, see my shadow changing, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!