Who do I still think I am??

This one's about options, a memory, and a conspiracy.

30DBC PROMPT: "Tell us about a time you had to choose between two options. Against the opinion of your family and friends you chose the unpopular choice. Why? What were you hoping the choice would provide?"

What up y'all? I'm smellin' some kind of chicanery with all these prompts today...I swear Lyn's a Witchy Woman , I'm not behind any of them! The double-prompting madness over in "Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise"  is a trip though...what are those boys Charlie ~ and Mitchopolis up to? I'll save my sneaking suspicions for later on in this entry.

I'm having a hard time trying to think of a situation where I totally went against conventional wisdom to the dismay of family and friends. I guess I've always played things safer because I don't care for confrontation, and I try to make educated decisions when it comes down to the things in life that really matter. I also don't like letting people down, so I have a tendency to think with my heart at times because I'd rather do right by people than have to deal with those close to me saying "I told you so!", even it if means making sacrifices sometimes.

I don't think moving out to Cortland counts, because I really didn't consult with many people about it. It was more a survival choice...basically it was Cortland or a homeless shelter again, and there's nothing good about that, especially in a city that pretty much doesn't care or try to help good people stuck in bad situations (listen to me, trying to pass myself off as a good person! ). I'm sure some of my friends would've preferred I stayed in Buffalo, because it's not like anyone's gonna just drop everything to hang out when you're four hours away.

And that's not to say I haven't made some questionable choices in life, but usually I feel like I know what I'm getting myself into. We're gambling every time we get out of bed that something stupid isn't gonna happen, and lives can change direction in a heartbeat of uncontrollable conditions.

Maybe turning my back on my father a few years ago falls into the category of "perhaps I could've done that differently". He'd been going through some difficult circumstances, and I'd gone so far as to tell my aunt I couldn't support some of his actions because it would lead to matters becoming worse. She agreed, and eventually I was right...he wound up in the hospital after downing a bunch of meds and chasing it with Jim Beam. I conveniently used the excuse that I was working 60 hours a week between two jobs, so I wasn't able to visit him. To make matters worse, he started asking me for money to pay him back for what my ex and I thought was a gift...he bought other siblings stuff, and all we needed was a couple hundred bucks to get my ex's car fixed. We took it under the assumption of "no questions asked", with no plan of repayment. Now all the sudden he was broke, having blown his paychecks when he should've been a little more frugal, and he figured it was time to collect. His voice mails were getting a little obnoxious, and I tried to set up an opportunity where we could discuss the matter, but he never returned my calls after that, which was it for me. We never had a great relationship to begin with, and my ex and I went out of our way to accommodate him on numerous occasions when my stepmom left him (he'd like to show up unannounced once in awhile, right around dinnertime...what were we gonna say? No?). We'd let him hang out whenever he wanted...we were very generous with him, whether he helped us out or not.

Sure, the whole thing between us never had to escalate as far as it did. We're both at fault, and I'm sure certain family members would've preferred everything to be resolved in a much better fashion, but that wasn't entirely possible. And of course I came off looking like the dick and the bad guy, but whatever. Nobody really cared to understand my position or my point, and I gave up trying to explain myself because no one wanted to listen...they saw things one way, as opposed to how complicated the entire mess was. I don't need more drama in my life, and that's all the relationship felt like after awhile. It's sad and it sucks saying that, but it's true.

BCF PROMPT: "Let's do something positive. Tell us about a happy memory that you have."

A happy memory...yikes! I've probably repressed most of 'em for one reason or another. I try not to let the highs get too high, ya know? Because then everything else sucks in comparison. Yes, I'm very aware of this personality flaw, and I'm working on it...I want to be able to enjoy things more often.

Just about every good memory I can come up with includes my boy DMFM...we've had a lot of adventures in the 20-odd years we've known each other. Driving from Buffalo to Pittsburgh to see Rage Against The Machine and Wu-Tang Clan back in '97 is definitely up there. it was our first big road trip experience, and he'd had a dream the night before that we were gonna die on this excursion...he was that paranoid. About halfway there he saw a sign- one of those mileage signs that tells you how far you have to go to get to a certain city, and he flipped when for some reason we came across one for Buffalo. "That's it! Turn the car around!" But I couldn't do that...we had to persevere because we couldn't let our fears hold us captive.

Just outside of Pittsburgh we stopped at a little roadside gas station to confirm our directions and make sure we were headed on the right path. It wasn't your typical gas station, but more like a mom-and-pop auto mechanic place. DMFM got out of the car just as one of the guys came out to see what we needed...and he had an old-school hook for a hand, which thoroughly creeped Dave right the fuck out. He hightailed it back to the ride and was like "Drive! Just drive!!" Luckily we found a grocery store nearby and we were, indeed, going the right way.

The concert itself was a good time...nothing too out of the ordinary besides the opening act, Atari Teenage Riot. Every couple minutes they'd just scream "Stop the riots" over some ridiculously loud techno/industrial beats, making it possibly the worst half hour I've ever spent watching live music.

Because we weren't thinking, we drove home right after the show. Stupid me piloted the vehicle about 30 minutes in the absolute opposite direction when we realized we weren't getting any closer to home. Exhausted, we stopped at this great little restaurant called Eat'n Park  , where we got amazing food and phenomenal service. We loaded up on coffee and didn't stop talking the entire way home.

As we pulled in to Eat'n Park, I'd heard a funny sound coming from my car...my brakes started squealing. Great...hours from home and now I'm gonna have car trouble. We made it home alright but the noise got progressively worse...luckily Pittsburgh is mostly thruway traffic coming back to Buffalo. I dropped Dave off and went right to a mechanic, where it cost me a buttload to get new brakes and rotors on my little Chevy Beretta. But it was totally worth it. Yeah, we probably should've sprung for a cheap hotel room, but we didn't know any better at the time, and if that would've been in the plans we may never have experienced the joy that was Eat'n Park. We talked about that place for years afterwards, swearing we'd make a trip just to go back there someday. We never did, but on a trip to Cleveland a few years ago I stopped with my ex, and got him a couple of souvenirs.

Haven't seen that kid in almost two years now, which kinda makes me sad. He's all married up and had a kid back in December, and doesn't talk to anyone as far as I know. I tried emailing him one of the last times I was back in Buffalo, but I never got a reply. I don't wanna be all "whatever" about it, 'cuz it kinda hurts, but whatever...people are busy and stuff, I guess.

MUSICAL BREAK!!

For my money, it doesn't get any more epic than being in a crowd of about ten thousand people screaming "Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me!"

Lyrics.  

THE DAILY BOX SCORE:

"Let's go hardcore issue. Animal testing - yes, no, maybe. Let me hear your opinion."

"Do you believe in any conspiracy theories? Which ones and why?"

Alright fellas, which one is it? Two prompts for the price of one? I'm not sure how I feel about this. I think Mitch and Charlie are doing this as some sort of societal test to see how confused they can make us in Blog City...it's a conspiracy!

Regarding animal testing, has anyone you know ever come out and actually said they're for it? Because I don't think anyone is. Why does science think this is a good idea? "Here, let's take this chemical compound that may or not be hazardous, and let's soak tons of little animals in it to study the effects we're not sure it may cause." While I'm appreciative that most hair sprays don't burn our scalps because of this, isn't there a better way?

Animals can't tell you how certain products make them feel, so why is it ok justifying endangering them? That seems so stupid...don't we know enough about how different chemicals react to say if something is safe or not? Why can't we just run clinical trials on humans, and pay them handsomely if something terrible were to happen? At least you'd get some honest feedback. Maybe I don't know enough about the scientific process that's involved with creating certain products, but why do we have to sacrifice the lower half of the food chain because the dyes in certain types of make-up cause lab rats to go apeshit? How about we just stick with safe ingredients all the way around, so nobody gets hurt? Like I've said from time to time, if you put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig. We're supposedly these intelligent creatures...how is it we can't put those brains to use in a way that doesn't harm a poor, defenseless creature?

Then again, if that's one less rat tearing through my garbage....

Conspiracy theories...yeah, y'all. All day. I need all three sides to every story before I make a judgement. Isn't that the American way? Everyone knows someone who knows the guy who may or may not be part of the plot.

Maybe this blog is a conspiracy...I don't know. Often it's the person who knows the least that's involved the most. Chew on that for a minute, conspiracy theorists.

I think the general public typically knows 5% of the real story behind the JFK assassination, 9/11, and why McDonalds stopped offering Hot Mustard sauce for their Chicken McNuggets. We'll never know everything, and that just leads the speculation running rampant like a flock of mad cockroaches. Plus, I don't know if you've heard of this thing called "The Internet", but apparently now everyone's got an opinion about something...and that doesn't make them an expert (although second-guessing is like the fourth-highest growing spectator sport in places that have reliable internet access).

I don't know if there's such a thing as "the truth" anymore. News corporations have their slants, politics is loaded with bias, and the love of the almighty dollar will get you to believe the unthinkable. Yet how much does this affect our day-to-day reality? Not nearly as much as we'd like to imagine it does. Gossip rags are nearly as reliable as credible sources, and I wonder how much of a hard time certain segments of the population have at discerning the difference. Maybe that's why we only know 5% about debatable issues.

If you're a fan of sports like I am, you know who Chris Berman is...the legendary SportsCenter personality on ESPN. He's highly knowledgeable and entertaining, with a fantastic motor and a knack for turning phrases. And now, courtesy of Deadspin, we've got a treasure trove of Berman losing his shit   during segments that never made it to live TV. This is entirely amazing on levels you didn't even know you need to experience. If Casey Kasem's dead dog rant   is something that makes you laugh, this will be right up your alley.

So I had the most bizarre thing happen at work today. Right as you walk in to our section of the building, there's our desk where we check in the people who "shop" us. Behind us is our little staging area, where we write up donated items and hang them...it's maybe four feet by ten feet, and that's where all of our supplies are kept as well. This lady walks in with two of her daughters, and they're very disparate in age. One's maybe in her thirties, and the other is maybe eight. As I'm doing the intake on the older of the girls, I didn't see the mother sneaking in behind me (I was by myself all afternoon...the other regular didn't show up and neither did the Mormon Sisters). I turned around and this woman was straight-up trying to go through my backpack. I was like "Uhhh, ma'am, that's my personal stuff". It was so far out of the way...I'm kinda pissed that I actually didn't catch her in my perif moving past me. It's not like the contents of my lunch or the book I'm reading are some kind of nationally-guarded secret, and it's not like it's not obvious that that's where we do most of our work in processing donations, so c'mon lady...back up off our personal space!

Well, I think I've done said about all I need to say about today. I still feel like shit...I was draggin' ass all day at work and probably would've went home early if anyone else had bothered to show up this afternoon, but I've managed to string together some productive days regardless so I'll take it. At least I've gotten some decent sleep the last few nights, although food still doesn't sound attractive...maybe there's a conspiracy at play there as well. Tomorrow I can sleep in a little bit before I hit up the therapist I blew off a while back...that should be fun . Peace, you justify those, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!