Amygdalia's Blog

Venting some personal steam

I realized that I have this resource at my disposal, and I don't use it as II could. Sometimes I just need to vent out into the world, to get the stuff out of my brain and body that is causing me distress.

I'm feeling a lot of anxiety today. The last weeks of Dr B's summer quarter were really stressful all around. Dr B is not liking the program, not feeling successful, deciding that computer game design is NOT in their future. Also struggling to finish the work due at the end of the quarter . . . and THEN . . . DURING finals week, their laptop hard drive died. Died. For the second time in less than a year. The machine is 2 years old. Dead. Something like 3 incompletes because they were unable to access the work they'd begun, or complete the final projects. So the hard drive was replaced speedy quick, but the computer place at Drexel said the data was not retrievable. I told Dr B to bring it with them when they came to visit. So as soon as they arrived, I found a computer guy to try and help us access the data. He came to the house, quickly determined what the problem was, and offered the solution. A board needed to be replaced, so he found one to order. Unfortunately, it was not quite the right type, and so he's had to hunt for another, or work out another solution to the problem of the burned out board. Needless to say, Dr B has not been able to complete those assignments while visiting.

And related to that . . . Dr B also struggles with health issues. We've been trying for 2+ years to get a fibromyalgia diagnosis, or if that's not the actual issue, to figure out what is causing the pain, fatigue, stomach issues, anxiety, etc. So I said we would look at their fall quarter schedule while they're visiting, and make some calls to try and find a Dr near Drexel. FINALLY got around to doing that today . . . around the time when I thought we were going to leave for lunch, but I had to wake Dr B up at 11:30 to try and get anything accomplished today. Anyway, they went on their computer to look at their class and work schedule, and FREAKED OUT because there was an email and one of their professors who had said they would give Dr B more time to complete the final project had given an F. "See, this is why I don't check email." Well . . . maybe if you had checked email on a daily basis, you would have seen that sooner, and been able to contact someone sooner about rectifying the mistake. So, freak out #1. Plus, the work schedule is nutty, so that was causing stress. And between school and work, they couldn't find ANY time for an appointment. Heeeey, kiddo . . . how about ALL of those mornings when you don't have anything until 11? So I called 1 Dr who had been recommended as a fibro expert . . . aaaaand apparently U Penn does NOT do fibromyalgia. Okaaay then. So we did some more research and I found another Dr. Appointment in NOVEMBER. And of course they forgot to ask which office the appointment was in (1 in the city, 1 outside of the city) but at least my dad and stepmom are available to give them a ride if they need one. So they were freaking out about the grade, and it was now nearly 1 PM. I had hoped to be ON THE WAY BACK from lunch by that time, since Monkey gets out at 1:30 on Wednesdays, and Goldilocks . . . well Goldilocks is done early, since she doesn't have a 5th period class, but most days she stays to do homework at the library until school gets out.

Right . . . so I text Goldilocks to let her know she has to walk home. Thankfully (errrr . . . really, Amy?)  . . . my hubby is home sick today, so it was not a problem for me to be out when Monkey got out of school. Never hear back from Goldilocks. Did she get my message? Will she walk? I call . . . no answer. Lunch was meh. I ordered a salad because everything else was CRAZY with the amount of fat and calories. Then I ordered a banana oatmeal muffin that looked decent. The salad was fine. The muffin had walnuts in it. Into the trash with my dessert.

I realized we'd be back tto town in time to drive past Goldilocks' school about 5 - 10 minutes later than normal. Fine, we'll cruise by and see if she's still waiting. Of course, coming from where I was, I approached the school from the opposite side of the street. There sits Goldilocks in the grass across the street, headphones in, oblivious to the fact that I'm standing there, waving and calling to her. A car next to her honked the horn to get her attention. She'd forgotten her phone. Good thing I got back into town quickly, huh?

So we get home, and checked in with Monkey, who was working on homework in his room. Good Monkey. I got a call I'd been waiting for, to schedule an MRI for him to see if we can figure out what's causing the recent increase in headaches he's been getting. TOMORROW! They have an appointment for tomorrow at 4. So I take it, get the address and information, learn what we can expect. Uh oh . . . an injection with a contrast dye? Right, so I tell Monkey, and he FREAKS out! "You told me there wouldn't be any more needles!" Dude, I can't promise you'll never have another needle again. Did I know they would have to give you an injection before the MRI? Have I ever had an MRI? He stomps out of the room and bangs into his bedroom, refusing to talk to me.

I just feel like I have the stress and burden of making everyone's everything okay.

Goldilocks is in PT for an ankle sprain reinjury. The purple is fading super fast from Dr B's hair so I had to call them and see if they could squeak them back in this week before they leave again on Sunday. Tomorrow we were going to go into Berkeley, but need to make it a quicky trip, because kids. And we made tentative plans for some friends to come over for dinner, but I have not heard back from her. But now I have to take Monkey to this MRI, too.

Did I mention that Bob's been home sick and sleeping for 2 days?

But I'll end on a positive note . . . the new med I've been taking for anxiety/depression seems to be helping. I can't imagine how I'd been feeling right now without it. Oh! That reminds me . . . I need to take dose #2.