Chance of Stardust

Stardust (Ch 14)

“There were eight of us then. Leiv and I were the biggest and oldest; Ari the youngest. Davi was small but stocky and strong.”


His voice was low, a rough murmur in her ear. Cassie leaned back into the heated strength of him and listened. When he’d spoken of his childhood before, it had been a matter-of-fact recitation. This felt as if she’d stepped inside a barrier she hadn’t known existed. Unwilling to break the fragile moment, she remained silent and simply listened.


“They tried training us first, gave us instructors and then weapons.” He huffed a breath. “You can imagine how that turned out.”


“You learned to use the weapons and then used them on the instructors.” Only fair, she thought. They had been children, fighting back the only way they could.


“Yes.” He rubbed his chin against her hair, thinking. “Then they decided to toss us in as a group and see what happened. We lost Moaki before we learned to work together. Two years of that and they began to fight us in pairs.”


“How did that work?”


He shrugged. “Well enough I suppose. Leiv and I aren’t the best partners but we’re the strongest fighters. Ari and Davi have always been a natural pair.”


He went silent again. Cassie didn’t push. There was a point to this tale.


“Ari was so small and he’s always been impulsive. Davi steadies him, makes him think.” Another long pause. When he spoke again, if she hadn’t been leaning against him, she wouldn’t have heard him. “I couldn’t protect him.”


He nuzzled into her hair, his arms coming around her. Not to protect her, she thought. To comfort him. She allowed it, wanting this glimpse of him more than she wanted anything.


“There was a cleaning girl who took care of cages. She was young and Ari befriended her. When our handlers denied us meat thinking it made us too aggressive, she would sneak it in for us. For Ari. When they separated us, to train us independently, she forgot to lock the doors behind her.” His breath stirred her hair and his arms tightened. “We never betrayed her. We covered her actions, locked doors behind her, made sure there was no evidence of her kindnesses.”


Dawn illuminated the world outside, the pale light deepening as the sun crested the horizon. She didn’t see it, her attention snared by the man behind her.


“One day, they turned us all into the arena with weapons. We were expecting to face another group. They shoved the girl in with us, unarmed and beaten bloody, and then told us to kill her or we would all die.”


“How did she get caught?”


“We never found out.”  He shook his head. “We surrounded her, protecting her. They turned wild gehis loose on us.” A pause. “We killed them all. Ari was bleeding so when the girl went to him, he thought she meant to tend the wound. She impaled herself on his blade.”


“What?”


Cassie tried to turn but he was having none of it. His embrace remained a steel cage, holding her in place.


“She said she would rather die on his blade than be the reason he lost even one more drop of blood.”


“Oh, my God. Poor Ari.”


“He went crazy for a while. He killed three handlers before they could cage him again. There was talk of putting him down before Davi managed to get to him, to calm him, but he has never recovered from her death.”


Cassie stood in silence for long time, digesting the story. While compassion for Ari—for them all—burned in her, she couldn’t understand why he’d told her.


“You’re afraid I’m going to hurt Ari.”


He relaxed a little, moving away but not letting go of her. “Ari is susceptible where women are concerned, more than the rest of us. His need to protect overtakes his reason at times.”


She let that settle. “You think he’s going to get attached to me? Is that it?”


“You are everything he finds irresistible. You’re so soft, a man wants to wrap you around him and just feel.” A growl threaded the words now. “You’re so fragile, he can’t help but want to protect you. From the Gurot. From us. From everything.”


Heat simmered over her. Those weren’t Ari’s observations but Revelin’s. Ari was a flirt but it was Revelin who tied himself in knots trying to protect her. Thinking over the story he’d just told her, she thought she might understand more than he’d been trying to tell her. Still unsure, she shook her head.


“I promise I’ll be careful with Ari if you’ll answer me one question.”


“What would you like to know?” Revelin stepped back.


She turned, rubbing at her arms, trying to relieve the chill that skated over her at the loss of his touch. He looked distant, cautious.


“How many women have you kissed?”


He arched a brow. “Including you?”


The taunt only made her cross her arms, her chin lifting in challenge. A faint smile touched his mouth as he turned back to the stairs.


“One.”








She made it down the stairs much later, too many thoughts in her brain to sort out neatly. She kept going back over the story he’d told her and one thing had come crystal clear. None of them had much experience with women. They’d been kept in a lab and then cages, fought like pit dogs in an arena. They’d come to the Gael court when the world was still in upheaval, their only goal to protect the newborn life of the prince. She was, if he was to be believed, the only woman he’d ever kissed. Everything he’d done took on new meaning.


The ship sat silent. She found Llyr at a console in the control room, grumbling about doing lessons when he could be out, seeing this proscribed world for himself. She left him with a quick hug and a smile.


She found Kyall in the exercise room. He crouched on the narrow beam high overhead, working on the support coupling for one of the chains that swooped and dangled throughout. Cassie wrapped an arm around a rope near the door and watched him.


“Good morning,” he called. “Have you eaten yet?”


She rolled her eyes. “Not yet. I was looking for Revelin.”


He shook his head. “I’m the only one here. Everyone else is out hunting.”


He finished the coupling and gave it a testing pull. Satisfied, he shifted position and reached for another.


“Hunting?”


“Our meat stores are getting low.” A flicker of brilliant light from the tool in his hand and the chain came free. He shifted the linkage to a new location and refastened it. “We have algae tanks built into the cleansing system, but we have to replenish the meat manually.”


“I can see where hunting would be a necessity for you guys.” She watched him, wondering if she was brave enough to ask him the questions that plagued her.


“Come up and talk to me,” he suggested. “I need to move these links before we let Llyr up here again. He’s getting too used to them where they are.”


She eyed the distance between them. “I’m a bit out of practice playing on one of these things.”


Not that she’d ever played on a jungle gym quite this large or intricate. Still, it might be fun. A chain with larger, rounded links caught her eye and she tested it. She could get the toe of her sneaker into it which would help. Without letting herself think too much on it, she hefted herself up and started to climb. Her body protested, unused to this sort of exercise, but she kept going until she was even with the beam Kyall perched on.  She reached for it only to find the distance a bit more than she could span easily. A nearby rope gave her the opportunity to swing free of the chain and onto the narrow beam.


Kyall watched her from his place yards away.  “Not bad, but you need to work on the strength in your arms. There won’t always be a way to use your legs.”


She shook her head, panting and clutching the rope in case she fell. “My legs are always going to be stronger than my arms.” The beam stretched between them, too narrow for her peace of mind and there were no handholds. “My balance isn’t up to this.”


“The trick is not to look at the beam or your feet.” He moved a few more feet away, already reaching for another linkage. “Your body knows where the beam is. Trust it.”


She gauged the distance against her courage and shook her head again. “Your proprioception is definitely more developed than mine.”


He paused, giving her a strange look.


“That didn’t translate, did it?” She sighed. “Proprioception is your neurological awareness of where your body is in relation to itself. It’s why you can close your eyes and still touch your nose without poking your eye out.”


“You have a word for this?” He shook his head and went back to the coupling. “We don’t have words for things that just are.”


She watched him work for a long moment before he set his tool aside and turned to her, pivoting on his toes as if the beam under his feet was feet wide rather than mere inches.


“Come here.” A gentle command.


“I’ll fall.”


“I won’t let that happen. Just look at me. Only me.” He held out a hand. “Trust me.”


She eyed his hand, gauged the distance between them and blew out a breath. “If I fall and break my neck, I will come back and haunt you. I swear I will.”


He chuckled.


Cassie rose, trying not to look down. She wobbled, grabbed for a grip on a nearby rope and closed her eyes. Relax. She had to trust him. One deep breath and another and she felt her muscles loosen a little.


Opening her eyes, she locked gazes with Kyall. All she had to do was put one foot in front of the other. A handful of steps and it would be over.


One step. Two. Her legs trembled and she paused, breathing deep. Three. Four. He was a matter of steps away now. She reached for him, her feet moving now without conscious decision. His fingers brushed hers and, like a switch, her balance was perfect. He caught her outstretched hand and grinned. She made the last two steps in quick time, sinking down beside him.


“There. That wasn’t so bad, now was it?”


“Yes. Yes it was.”


He laughed again and reached for his tool. “Why were you looking for Revelin?”


“We were taking earlier and I had some questions. Nothing important.”


“Anything I can answer for you?”


He moved a little away to remove another linkage only to step around her, reattaching it in a new position.  Cassie glanced down at the dangling array of rope and chain and whistled low. He was weaving a spider web bowl of links. That would be more difficult to climb than it looked. It would shift and give and sway.


“He was telling me about your growing up years is all.”


He accepted that with a nod, a slight frown creasing his face. “Our time with the Gurot is something we don’t speak of, even among ourselves.”


She believed that. They’d lived it. They didn’t need to rehash it. “He seems worried that Ari is going to get attached to me and I’m going to break his heart.”


It sounded even more ludicrous now than when Revelin had suggested it. Ari was friendly, his flirting a tease without pressure. His heart was in no danger from her.


“Ari?” Kyall arched a brow at her. “Ari isn’t the one in danger of getting attached. I think you know that.”


She wasn’t the only one to see it, then. Kyall had hinted at it before. She fidgeted, staring at the toes of her sneakers, debating. Of them all, Kyall was the one she most considered a friend. He answered her questions without pushing or prying, and he might just be able to give her some insight into this mess. She sighed.


“What am I going to do about it? Revelin is getting snarly with everyone over the slightest thing and I’m stuck in the middle.”


He shrugged. “Primes are notoriously protective and possessive.”


“I don’t want to be the cause of any hard feelings among you guys, but if I don’t push him back, he’s going to keep snapping at everyone. If I do, he’s going to take it as a challenge.” The last thing she needed was Revelin determined to seduce her.


“Possibly. Probably. He’s a Prime.” He set the tool aside and sank down on the beam beside her. “If you push him back, he will push harder, yes, but he will never force you. That would go against his protective nature. You’re safe, Cassie, no matter how it might seem at times.” He studied her for a long moment. “Do you want to push him away?”


She closed her eyes. “I don’t know.”


And there lay the heart of her dilemma. No matter how many times she told herself it would be smarter to remain uninvolved and forget them when this was over, she couldn’t seem to manage to stay away. From Revelin especially. He irritated her, attracted her and fascinated her. That she could see the edge of the cliff didn’t mean she wasn’t tempted to throw her heart over and pray for wings.


“Whatever you decide, we will support you.” He ruffled her hair as he often did to Llyr and grinned when she shot him a sharp look. “No one is willing to steal your home from you, but if you decide to join us, we would welcome you.”


“Why?” she asked softly. “I’m not one of you.”


“But you could be. You have the courage to face down a Prime and the softness to comfort a child. If you chose to make us your own, you would become the heart of us.”


“Cassie!”


She looked down to see Llyr grinning up at them.


“Come up, kytt, and see what you think,” Kyall called. His voice dropped to a murmur. “Our men hunted and fought, protected the family groups, but it was our women who ran things. Mother and mates judged those who broke our laws and chose the punishment. The elder mothers alone passed judgment on those who harmed others.”


He rose, leaping out into the tangle of ropes and chains to meet Llyr who clambered up, trying to find a way around the web of chains without climbing the outside of it.


Cassie watched them play. No wonder the Gurot had killed all the hirrient women. It had effectively gutted the society, cut the heart out of the remaining male population. From a military standpoint, it was a smart tactic, but it made something in her shudder at the thought of such ruthless intelligence hunting them.


Ari joined them a few minutes later adding a new level to the play and laughter sparkled as he hung upside down, daring Llyr to catch him. Kyall rejoined Cassie on the beam seconds before Leiv leaped over to crouch beside her. The big hirrient gave them a curious look but said nothing. A spark of devilry woke.


“I’m giving him relationship advice,” she told him. “Don’t worry, Leiv. You’re next.”


The horror on his face set her laughing and she had to grab a rope to keep from falling. He snorted, his lips twitching, but joined the play without comment. 


“I told you he didn’t dislike you.” Kyall shook his head. “He will never be friendly, but he likes you well enough.”


“I’m not sure I could handle it if Leiv got friendly and cuddly,” she assured him, her eyes intent on the three dimensional game of tag going on around them. “This isn’t a game, is it?”


“Llyr is a child and learns best from play.”


Another non-answer.


Below her, Ari was “it”. He circled the little prince, a wicked grin on his face as he moved higher only to drop toward Llyr with startling abruptness. Llyr shrieked in delight and lashed out a foot, knocking Ari away before he could be tagged, and scrambled through the “net” of chain to escape.  The hirrient tagged one another infrequently but kept Llyr as either the prey or “it”.


“Defense and offense,” she murmured. “You’re teaching him to defend himself or, at least, how to get away if threatened.”


“We may not always be with him. He needs to learn now while we are able to teach him what we know.”


“Leiv!”


Revelin’s voice echoed through the room and all play came to an immediate halt. Leiv dropped from the ropes and vanished through the door.