Shouts From Down Under

Ostriches were never this deluded. Humans excel at denial...

The picture you get in your mind, of denial, is the silly looking ostrich with it's legendary head stuffed in the sand, convinced this will be a safe haven from danger.

All the dogs in the following link seem to have the same idea. If they can only hide their face, then nothing can see them. Have a close look at their expressions, particularly the eyes. Let that look sink in, and analyse what their eyes, body language, action and reaction are saying in loud inescapable ways. These pictures prompted me to write about something potentially embarrassing, that can have us sticking our heads in the sand, and even deluding ourselves.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2811135/And-thought-going-dentist-bad-Hi...

Anxiety.

That look on the dogs faces demonstrates, in a small way, how it feels to face life with acute attacks of anxiety.

For those of us who grew up, were brought up, were dragged up, perhaps, (though I'm not complaining at all about my childhood) in an era when any sign of having "mental illness" or any hint of being anything less than "normal" was hushed up, frowned upon, and denied, kept hidden as a family secret so that no one had any idea (or the deniers thought no one had any idea) there might be "someone retarded" in their family, to admit suffering such a thing isn't done lightly.

Not only was it not talked about, a forbidden subject, the attitude was, and still is by some, that you don't show any weakness like this, but you just "harden up", get with it, stop being silly, quit feeling sorry for yourself, and be a man. (I must say though that in my case no-one said things like this, but the people's perception was enough to keep silence)

There are days when the thought of facing people, decisions, daily routine, confrontations, answering the phone, answering the door, replying to shop counter staff, phoning someone, all this normal activity that everyone has to do, just seems like a mountain. A mountain lion more like.



I'm still not sure where mine stems from, and after various trials of medication, sessions with psychologist and psychiatrist, general practitioner, and family / friend discussions, I feel no closer to understanding what causes this, for me.

For many years I denied this problem, if you can call it that, knowing full well that every week or so, I would swing from feeling like I could conquer Mount Everest every five minutes, with a warm secure feeling in my mind, to the other end of the pendulum of a primordial, deep seated, fully dilated eyes fear, like you see in those pictures of the dogs going to the vet.

Despite every effort, and a wheelbarrow load of understanding from medical staff, friends, family, coworkers, employer and everyone else you can think of, I still have these regular bouts of anxiety. Unless you've had it, felt how difficult it is to fight it off each day, each hour, each minute, unless you've gone through it personally, it isn't easy to understand how real it feels. I'm not exaggerating here. I'm a bit like a non smoking convert spouting on like this I guess, but I was a denier too for a long time, for decades.

The best thing to do, if you are someone who feels like this on a daily basis, is to accept it. The first step, admitting that you do have an almost, if not completely, uncontrollable fear.
I think what finally convinced me to 'fess up to myself about this issue, was exhaustion. I was so tired of making excuses for things like not phoning people back. I was sick of appearing lazy for being reluctant to do things, things involving interaction with people.
I'd had enough of battling with this on my own, in silence.

I knew I needed help. And, so did our teenage children. My mood swings had worn them down, and I saw with sickening horror that they were afraid of me. Afraid of their Dad. It wasn't anything I did to them, but what my manner and attitude said I would do. The threatening potential future became their present reality. In fear and trembling, but in undeniable love, they asked me to go see my GP. This took some soul searching on a reluctantly deep level to put into practice, for someone who hates even using the phone.

When I did eventually go to my Doctor, I had to fight every step of the way. I wanted to rush back through the clinic, push rudely past the queue of medical reception clients, bang the glass door widely open and scuttle away up the street back to safety, away from having to face up to my fear, my anxiety and the consequences over YEARS of my mood swings. Yes, I'm Bipolar. But Anxiety seems to be another one of the litter of pups that includes the black dog of depression as well as other disorders. Perhaps this isn't an accurate pigeon hole assessment from professionals point of view, but from someone who has experienced all these, it'll do here as a layman's term.

Anxiety may not happen as a dramatic attack. You can just wake up feeling like this. I'm not sure when it starts. Some days I could swear it depends on what I eat or drink, but at other times nothing seems to change it one way or another. You either have a good day, or you don't. On the Don't Days, you have a small war in your mind.

I used to explain to our children that in life motivation requires a big swag of self discipline, and if you feel unable to get moving in the morning, its just lack of self discipline, and you should just get over yourself. But I no longer feel that this is such a clear cut way of thinking it through.
Yes, we all need self discipline. Try doing without it next time you have a session at the gym, or have a cupboard containing bags of lollies (candy) needed for some function or other in a few days.
Self discipline is great, and the thing I made into a weapon, that helped me a lot in the past, is something I call the ESCAPE button. I used to press this regularly, as a kid. Right through school, it served me well.
Like the ESC key on your keyboard, it was a mental state I put myself in, and is probably called a fancy name by psychologists and such, but it was like a mental distancing of myself from those things my mind felt were a danger, in those periods in life when I just had to deal with it.

Throughout my apprenticeship as an Auto Electrician, I used the same method. When I was forced, or had to force myself to do daily tasks, particularly those involving people, or difficult decisions, and much more so, those decisions with no time to think, I would be there physically, I'd be present and accounted for, but in my mind? Well, that was different. I'd have escaped to my "cave" as she says in Fight Club, the movie, where I could use my vivid imagination to block out the fear. I could insulate myself from reality, and pretend that everything was OK.

There comes a time in your life, when you realise you aren't getting any younger, when you've used up all the chances at new careers, when you've burned all the bridges of excuse, when you've come to a day of one last decision. When it comes down to the wire, of either listening to your loved ones, or losing them, perhaps for keeps. You may not lose them physically, oh no. They may still live in your house, or whatever the situation, it may go on as before. But don't kid yourself. What is at stake is much more than people being located in the same house or suburb. They may even still be on your friends list on Facebook.

Yes, you can't be an ostrich about this one. If you don't listen to them, if you still deny, if you are stupid enough to continue to delude YOURSELF, then what you'll lose is their respect. Yes, they might be still around, but you've lost their heart, their friendship, their wanting to be around you. Not just your children, but your wife, and perhaps the most selfish, but most important thing you have left. Your self respect.

If you have been in this situation, and regardless of the momentous outcome that you knew rested on this decision, you still denied you have some sort of problem, and you feel you have lost them, and you despise yourself, it's not the end.

Because regardless of the Anxiety, Depression, Fear, Bipolar, obsession, addiction, weakness, or whatever else is making life difficult, earning people's respect back again is highly possible. If you are in despair, then the staircase of success is right in front of you. Take the first step, that of accepting there is a problem. Some of the weight will already lift off your shoulders.

People respect you if you own up to it. People don't respect you, if you keep denying it. And the hilariously funny joke, not, is that the only person, most of the time, that can't see there is a problem, is you.

Anxiety is crippling, stealthy, inexplicable, ridiculous, cruel, misunderstood, and worst of all I've found, is still regarded as being weak, a sook, un-manly, laziness, and any other unhelpful label you can think of to misinterpret the real debilitation of it.

How do you approach someone who won't answer their phone, their front door, your shouts, or respond to your kindness? Sometimes it takes the child-like, careful, fearful, tender words of your teenagers, who would normally hurl barbed comments of irony in your direction, to open your mind and eyes.

Sometimes this can be the best thing to happen to you, too. But you must listen, before its too late, and time has passed, and you've missed out on those young years with them. Don't underestimate young people, or children. They are tougher than you think. They may understand more than you predict. Your Anxiety isn't the voice to listen to in this instance.

Listen to those who love you.

Sparky