My Journal #2

Cruel to be kind

Have you ever been cruel to be kind? For example, have you told someone the truth, knowing you would upset them?

I have to eulogize this prompt. As much to villify my action but also to show what forgiveness is about.  Many years ago an African woman and an aquaintence of ours requested the price of a "boombox" style radio my husband wanted to sell. This woman has a particular attitude that to this day remains offensive to me. I've been told this is a cultural thing indicitive of the region of Nigeria she immigrated from.

One day she told me how Nigerians can make money. They send their passports to a friend in Nigeria who is paid by a woman of similar look to use it. Most white people don't pay close attention and are easily fooled. So the new person enters the USA under a false passport and it is returned to the original owner who never left the country in the first place. They may enter through Canada so to confuse the customs even more.
All that leads to the purchase of the boom box. My husband set the price and she argued at a $10. lower price. He held firm and she finally agreed. He brought the box to her and she handed him the check but he didn't look at it right away. She had written it out for the price minus the $10. My husband was very perturbed.
Later we had a special dinner where everyone paid up front. Another Nigerian bought 4 dinners.  At the dinner only he and one other child came. I offered to reimburse him but he said he would take the dinners to go. I was fine with that.  When it came time to settle the bill, it came to more than what we thought. On further inspection, we found this woman had ordered a large dinner to go but never paid for it.  I was furious. I don't know if she thought the man didn't pay for the ones he took or if she just surmised the situation.

The next day I couldn't hold back. I fired an email letter to her about the situation. I was harsh about her attitude where she fakes ignorance and claims, "I'm just a Bushwoman." in very broken English. She will get her way sometimes and thinks its ok to lie and steal.  I called her out on that.
She was hurt and upset. She went to a very dear friend she called "Daddy" and showed him the email.  He understood what happened and knew there was no way to confront her on her actions, so he told her to put it aside and leave it be.

Years went buy. She left the country and I moved from that city. A couple of years ago she came to the city where I live. She confronted me with "We need to talk. I think I need an apology from you for what you said to me." 
I was fortunate to have forgotten the whole thing. I must have done what I did and put it out of my mind. I didn't remember anything about the situation.  She didn't enlighten me and I apologized for having said anything that might come between us. I may not like how she handles situations, but I'm not her judge, and God gave me a free conscience to ask and receive forgivness for something I didn't remember. We parted with a clear conscience. Later my husband reminded me of what happened.
I wasn't angry with her. It was in the past. Forgiven and though not forgotten anymore, it proves to me God can take the hurt and anger out of situations and give a person peace.
As I just told what happened, it is in my memory, but there is no emotions that can dig into me and cause me to feel anything but pity for her. She will have to answer to God for the things she does.

I was cruel to her as I'm sure my words were tempered, but barely, I was kind because when she showed it to her "Daddy" as she calls him out of respect, he knew what the result would be if she confronted me on the situation.

Life is about choices. We make good and bad ones. Its taking responsibility for what we do and asking for forgiveness and giving it in return that makes us better people.

I have seen what "unforgiving" people turn into. Its not pretty. Even when they tell you they have forgiven, its just platitudes to placate themselves. Its there because it comes out with emotional baggage attached. True forgiveness has to be asked by God.