Shouts From Down Under

Please. Why are spammers so critical, and rarely smile? Why?

Is there an online course people study to become a professional spammer? I can see the list of modules necessary for this worthy pursuit.

1. Dumbing down English
2. Twisting Grammar
3. Torturing the Vulnerable (Advanced)
4. Heartlessness for best results
5. Secrets of repeat (we mean) business
6. Perseverance Extremities #7a
7. How to flog expired horses
8. Closing the Forced Sale
9. Overcoming Depression- For Friend and family USERS.
10. Ways to sell nothing, with knuckledusters exercises.
11. Con Artist's Bible (Not King James version)

What provoked this strange line of thinking? Well, I was reading through my junk mail, just curious, nothing more. I wasn't furtively peeking at any XXX rated ones, so forget that dodgy idea. There were no XXX rated ones.
You know you're getting old when even spammers don't bother sending those. Not even any Viagra ones.

It's the ones they DO send that bother me. Call me a paranoid Bipolar, but it's what they DON'T SAY, that gets me. It gets me here! *indicating ulcerated stomach area*.

Take a look with me and you'll be as convinced as I, of these implied insults, and none too gentle hints of things I obviously lack in my life at the moment.

Gmail says I have missed 3 emails. 3! It's obvious I have Alzheimer's, and forgot that I have a Gmail account. ( I don't)
Then there's the one saying I need a Jamie Oliver cook book. So...I can't cook eh?
I'm such a tightwad that I need to buy more Christmas presents for people.

Even PayPal is hinting that I'm a Scrooge, and should boost my friends list by bribing people with gifts
Starbucks says I should drink more coffee, meaning they've noticed I'm walking around half asleep every day. (Accurate)
A cleaning company pokes me with cleaning product info. Not so subtle way of saying I'm dirty, and so is our home.

Then eBay reckons I'm nasty to children, and offers lots of toys I should buy. Seedy indeed. Perhaps at my age I fit some sort of tawdry profile I'd rather not think about.
Then there are a few of those USPS parcels I STILL haven't collected, with who knows what banned substances and quarantine forbidden flora and fauna that is illegal to import into Australia / Tasmania. I probably need to take the van, there'll be so many by now. Perhaps they are from Nigeria like all the other stuff they say I've forgotten about. The Depot staff must be sick of this stuff taking up space.

Yellow pages announces that I'm not number one on Google, because I haven't put big enough adverts in the phone book. Maybe this would work for getting published? So THAT'S why we all sit in agony with manuscripts stacked in the living room, pages fluttering in the wind of our wind-milling, distressed arms.
Some other mob accuses me of a debt for a toll road. I really do need to visit the Doctor and get checked out, as I forgot about that trip already. (No toll-ways in Tasmania; we are lucky to have roads)

Then, the overlord spammers hint, I need to take my tablets, and they offer a bulk buy discount. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Just, how do they know?

Lastly for this batch, someone has a BUSINESS DEAL that will make me rich beyond imagining, in some exotic little known location, if only I would fill in the form with lots of personal details (which I'm sure will be kept safely confidential seeing as they are so helpful and friendly) and maybe I'd like to send a small fee just to cover their printing and cost of stamps. Maybe I should include some money for Starbucks, so they can keep alert. Gotta be bright and with it to be MY business partner.

They'd have a lot more success with their spamfest if they just smiled once in a while. It's not hard to write :) in their email, so I'd know the tone of the conversation, and feel a little more closer in the budding relationship.
Some people take a lot to develop a smile on their face. Perhaps they have too many worries, and feel they have to put on a tough face. You know, stiff upper lip, as the British say?

Still, no one, not even those who NEVER smile, can resist cracking an ear to ear when given a Koala to hold and pet, can they?




https://www.facebook.com/WingsWildlife

The smile would fade pretty quick if they received the sort of junk mail that I do. It's insulting, it's degrading and symbolises what I've suspected for some time.

Spammers have the same attitude and life skills of a Tasmanian Devil.



1/3

2/3 {http://youtu.be/PyAFTxRUlh4}

3/3 {http://youtu.be/xXxQhorE5-0}

Their gain is your loss. That's how it works, and there is a balance to it. The see-saw that benefits them, and helps you with all those things you need to get through in your daily struggle. I should see the kind, benevolent side to it I guess. They are only trying to help me.

I had a phone call from my elderly Dad last month and he was quite upset. He's definitely old school, and was mortified by accusations from "Someone from the phone company, son".
They'd called him, he said, to say that his Laptop computer (that I'd set up for him last visit) had been tracked sending filthy sex emails on the internet. This had to stop, they demanded, and then wanted him to give lots of details about himself, his computer, and, his bank account.
Luckily he called me first. He was about to do everything they said!
He hasn't used his laptop since I was there, and wouldn't even know how to switch it on.

Sometimes the humour of it all really does escape me. Maybe this is the malevolent side of Dad Jokes. Except these are like Stephen King's Clown. Nasty, vicious and deadly, cloaked in legitimacy and authenticity, made to look civilised and pleasant, unless you peer into the shadows, look a little closer to see the dark truth.

The truth about Spam. And the truth about invasions. The truth about prescription drugs. The truth about lots of this world's veneer of normal everyday OK-ness.

No one wants to see something that upsets our safe little world. No, we'd rather go on in ignorant comfort, and resist knowing. Just be safe and enjoy life as it has always been.

Sparky