Curious Incidents of a Flailing Mermaid

How I Acquired a Useless Father

30-Day Blogging Challenge - day twenty-eight
Prompt: Name a totally useless possession and tell us how you came to acquire it.

When I first saw this prompt this morning, I started looking round the house (as I went) trying to work out what I had that was useless. Turns out I own a lot of crap and really must have a clear out soon.
I did find something to talk about. But then, a few hours ago, something came to my attention that made me change my answer. I’m not sure if it counts as a possession, per se. But I’m going with it anyway.

Okay… here goes…

My father…

Utterly useless to me!

I’ve definitely spoken about him before in this here blog. However, if you’d like a bit more context, check out: "Ode to The Father of the Bride"  for a cheesy poem about his uselessness

So, he’s a 63(?) year old guy with very little care for anything other than his own little world (i.e. himself). He has three biological kids (me and my two brothers), aged 30, 38 and 40 this year. He also adopted his second wife’s son (aged 28?)…
He got married for a third time last March. His new wife definitely looks a good five (or more) years younger than I am. Sooo… she’s 25 or less. I thought about sharing a photo with you but it’s not really fair. Also, it might put you off your next five meals! Just saying

I am going somewhere with all these ages by the way.

Anyway, I got news this afternoon…

*deep breath*

My Father is having a baby!

I cannot believe I just typed that and it not be a joke!

He’s a shit dad! He doesn’t like kids. Mind you, he doesn’t like pets either and it seems they have a ton of those. But, seriously, he doesn’t care about the kids he has and he’s 63. Why in blue hell is he having another one?

More to the point, my already tiny chance of any inheritance just flew out the window and landed in a skip! Thus, useless!

How did I acquire him? Well…

How a baby is started

Sperm are the male 'seeds' that contribute to starting a new life - living sperm look a lot like tadpoles (under a microscope).
When sperm are ejaculated (say ee-jak-u-lay-ted) from the penis during sexual intercourse, they swim up the vagina (vaj-eye-na), through the cervix (sir-vix), into the uterus (you-ter-us) and then into the fallopian (fal-o-pe-an) tubes of the female. These sperm are looking for an ovum (or egg) to fertilise.
When a female is born she carries thousands of ova or eggs ready to use when she becomes adult. These are the female 'seeds' that, along with sperm, contribute to creating a new life.
Once a month, the female releases an ovum (one egg) .
If an ovum has been released, a sperm can unite with it, fertilise it and make the first cell of a new baby.
Once one sperm has fertilised the ovum, no other sperm can get in.
For the sperm it's like a race and there is only one winner.

What happens next

This fertilised ovum immediately divides into two cells, these cells then divide again and again over the next couple of days as the cluster of cells makes its way to the uterus (womb). Here it is planted in the lining of the uterus and continues dividing its cells to make billions of new cells. The female is now pregnant