Amygdalia's Blog

Titleless entry, because everything sounds too snarky

I'm sitting here having an unwelcome pity party ( ) so I thought maybe if I blogged and got it out, I could figure out a way to work through it and past it all.

College  . . . why the hell does college have to be so BLASTED expensive!? Okay, I know it doesn't. But of course my kiddo decides THE one and only college worth going to is Drexel. A year and a half in, and dealing with undiagnosed chronic illness that was making everything more difficult, they decided that they hated computer game design, they were dropping out of the computer game design program, and they want to be an English teacher. Which in and of itself will be a challenge, because of their gender identity. Meanwhile, we have a fibromyalgia diagnosis finally . . . but they haven't had the energy, motivation, whatever it is they need to GET A FREAKING APPOINTMENT with the fibro specialist. So here goes school . . . this stinks, that stinks, I don't feel well enough to do this, that professor is horrible, I don't think I'll be able to even work as a teacher with my current GPA . . . GAAAAAH I can't DO it for you! You need to make the appointments to get the help you need. I live 3,000 miles away! Meanwhile, their college fund is empty. The college fund my dad and stepmom had for them is now empty. And last night we found out that ALL of the jobs they're applying for, for their upcoming 6 month internship are UNPAID. We were REALLY counting on them bringing in at least SOME money to help pay for their living accomodations during the internship. So there goes the tax refund that we were very happy to see coming.

The bottom line there is that I need to get a job. Like . . . yesterday. I've been working on my resume, trying to figure out WHAT I should be putting on there, and what I should be leaving off. I've gotten a TON of help from Brandiwyn🎶 on getting the thing into shape, and I've been tweaking my LinkedIn account, but I'm no closer to even figuring out what sort of jobs I can/should even apply for. And the very idea of it sends me into a panic attack.

And . . . apropos of nothing except that it HURTS, my best friend from DE, who pretty much told me a few years ago "I didn't communicate because I was too upset over you leaving" . . . STILL isn't communicating with me. TWICE he talked about coming out to visit. Never happened. He comments on and likes Dr B's and Goldi's FB posts . . . and not mine. I don't feel like I have the sort of friends out here that I did back east, although I have made some friends. I just feel really lonely for the sort of friendships I had. The connections I had. I know that getting a job will help me make more connections. I know that rationally. But right now I'm just feeling overwhelmed by my own lack of . . . LIFE.


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