My Newbie is Showing

Day 10: Not the World's worst driver just looks that way

Prompt for February 10, 2015: You are being driven around by the worst driver ever.





What should I write when I was the worst driver ever driving my girlfriend about town? Plus I will have to water this down because this is a family show. I will give it a shot nonetheless….





My girlfriend and I simply had to go somewhere, and at this point in my life, I no longer remember where or why. I just know that I was going through red lights and stopping at greens.


She was telling me about her latest tryst with her boyfriend. Yes, girls talk too. And my curiosity overruled my “shouldn’t hear this”. She would say something, I would scream, “Ahhhh” and when she stopped talking, I stopped the car. At a green light. This happened about 3 or 4 times with the same commentary….


Her: “The light’s green.”


Me.: “Oh, yeah. What happened next?”


As she was talking, I rolled through a red light. That happened about 3 or 4 times and this is the commentary …


Her: “You know that was a red light?”


Me: “Oh, yeah. Sorry. What happened next?”


This is the downtown of a major city and it is a good thing no cops, pedestrians or other vehicles were too close otherwise, I would have had to do a field sobriety test.


The final clincher was when she told me it tasted salty. I think I blew 3 red lights, and she just laughed as I screamed while trying to wrap my brain around what she was saying.


****


One other time, I was in competition for being the world’s worst driver. I was with a different girlfriend after a night of big happy at a nightclub. I parked in a ramp that had one of those circle down thingies and if you were nice, you took turns. The downward coming car was not letting me merge. I was almost sitting in his passenger seat when up pops another man’s head and he just looked at me, smiled, and went back to what he was doing. I screamed out loud at my girlfriend, “Tell me I did not see what I just saw!” But we saw it. I let him go first because I did no longer wanted to be in front of someone who was – cough, cough – distracted.