Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about walls, beliefs, and adventures.

** Image ID #2036546 Unavailable **

"When you enter your assigned room with attached bathroom on the ship, it’s bare. You may decorate and furnish your room any way you like – just say it or wish it. The only limitation is you only have one port window. Tell us what the room looks like after you finish with it."

Welcome back to day two of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" 's leisure cruise extravaganza thingy! You know, where they pile a bunch of bloggers on a fictional boat for a month and pray none of us kills anyone we enjoy a calming ride along the waves of our literary destinies, or something.

I guess the first thing I'd have to decide before I decorate is whether or not anyone else will be seeing this room besides me. Will I be hosting a boys night poker party? Am I gonna lure a saucy mermaid to my cabin? Perhaps I'll be throwing a swanky snack party. Or, none of that. It's good to know this sorta stuff, because if the only person I'm entertaining is me, then why bother? I get bored fast and it's a lot of work making a place look nice for just one person.

Here's how I see it...it's only temporary. If I build it, aren't I eventually only gonna hafta take it down anyway? It's not like I've ever set up shop in a hotel room and hung paintings or ordered flowers or demanded an overstuffed recliner. That's why I visit and don't live there...I don't need the burden of customization when other people are paid to clean up after me. All I have to do is not be shady.

Maybe I'd throw around a few small personal effects, and a book or some magazines, but I'm not goin' all-out. We're on a boat, don't you ever forget  . Surely this vessel has the basics...a bed, a nightstand, a dresser, etc. Maybe some kind of stock painting hanging on the wall. I'm there to sleep, so what more do I need? All the cool shit's gonna happen wherever we dock, right? Isn't that what we paid for? A guided tour or something? At least that's how it went down the last time I was on a cool-ass ship...and maybe this time hopefully I sprung for the all-inclusive package, so I won't have to worry about blowin' all my pocket money on booze.

Besides, say I did pull a saucy mermaid...you really think she's gonna be in my bunk wonderin' about the decor?

"Have you ever completely changed your mind on a belief you held strongly? What caused the change?"

Good question. I'm sure I have; I'm just having a really hard time coming up with a particular instance. I mean, on some level we've all been through this...what looks good on you at age 12 is what your kids will mock you for twenty years down the road (I'm guessing, because I can do that without having kids).

I've gone through phases where I've turned my back on my beloved sports teams that weren't performing up to the "This is our year!" standards. I disowned favorite bands after they put out that one shitty album. I've said horrifically politically incorrect things in order to maybe fit in. Fuckin' loyalty is for suckers.

But that's just it. You can't fake true loyalty. Try your damnedest; it still bleeds blue from your veins. If I love you and you do me wrong, I'll hurt, but I'll still love you. I can hold a solid grudge, but somehow I'll wind up coming around from that. I don't know why. I just do. Might take me a day, might take me twenty years. For all the shit I can easily forget in life, there are moments I'll always remember if you made an impact on me, and I'll hold on to those more than anything.

I believe no one sets out on their life's journey hoping to be a douchebag, myself included (and I've done a lotta douchey things). It's hard when you realize you're wrong, and it's harder trying to make things right. We all say "no regrets" like it's some magical bag full of get-out-of-jail-free cards and unicorn poop, but deep down y'all got some skeletons keepin' your closets in business like they weren't once wearin' skin. That's life- not in an aww, shucks Frank Sinatra kinda way, but what we all go through day after day.

So rather than drudge up bad memories of all the stupid shit, and I know this won't mean much to most of you or change the perception me being an asshole has left on many, but I'm sorry. Maybe it felt good at the time, or I was doing what I thought was the best move, but clearly I was wrong or mistaken. It's never too late to start being a halfway decent human being and doing things you won't question down the road, and it took me a hell of a long time to realize that.

"'One way to get the most of life is to look upon it as an adventure.' -William Feather. Do you agree?"

Had to look up William Feather  ...turns out he was a publisher and an author, and he was born not far from Buffalo, so he's alright with me. And that Wikipedia link doesn't cover much more, so I hope he didn't turn into a serial rapist or anything crazy.

Instantly this quote reminded me of another, from A.A. Milne (the Winnie-the-Pooh author): "One of the advantages of being disorganized is that one is always having surprising discoveries." Don't ask me how I've drawn a parallel; I have no clue. It's one of my favorites though; back in the day at my very first apartment I converted the laundry room into a writing room of sorts, and I hung it on a corkboard over the typewriter at my desk (yes, I had a typewriter, and it was grand, and I'm also not super-old).

You gotta look at life as an adventure, because if you don't all you have is a sitcom that nobody watches and gets cancelled after a year or so...you're just a book that no one reads and winds up getting sold at a garage sale for a nickel. Take chances, get scars, and be a badass. Unless you wanna be wallpaper. And no one wants to be wallpaper.

Funny adventure story (unrelated): Back in the day, my buddy Verno wanted to get his hands on some nudie mags. He called up DMFM and said he was picking him up. "Where we goin'?" "It's an ad-vennnnn-tuuuure!!" was all he'd say. Verno got him, and there was half a twelve-pack in the back seat...the other half was already in his belly. They drove up to a porn shop an adult bookstore in Niagara Falls (not the pretty part, but the seedy section)...and all he kept sayin' was "It's an ad-vennnnn-tuuuure!!". And inside Verno went while Dave sat in the car...he couldn't go in because he wasn't of age. Dude was in there forever too, I guess...it was late at night, it was a shitty area, and who the fuck knows what goes on in a place called "18th Street Books And News" when all it's known for is selling porn 24/7. A steamed DMFM white-knuckled it the whole way home.

And what's the point of my little story? Me, Dave and Johnny C. were also known as the motherfuckin' Ruckus. There wasn't a beer we wouldn't drink, a party we couldn't handle, or someone's girlfriend we wouldn't sleep with. We were those guys. We were outta control. Unstoppable. Three brothers from very different backgrounds, brought together to navigate the shift into adulthood. We all went through a lot together. We brought out the best and at times the worst in each other. Everything was an adventure if we were around...and that's it. Why be boring? Do cool shit and earn a nickname like The Ruckus. It wasn't just a phase; it was a lifestyle. Someone should make a Lifetime biopic about us, and that's how life should be...don't wish your life to be like it is in the movies; live the life someone makes an awesome movie about.

Hahahaha...Lifetime though... .

Because it does, that's why.

"And this house has gotta lotta walls
but only very few mean anything to you."
Lyrics.  

Sho' 'nuff, not long after I posted up last night did my mom check in with some insight on the entry. Good deal. Nice to hear her still chin-checkin' from a couple hundred miles away after having part of her body removed, tellin' me she's gonna try to convince the doctors to get her up outta the hospital sooner than later.

Because if you're curious like me, here's the smartest things about Buffalo this month  . Always entertaining, especially if you appreciate hockey.

And finally, because April is National Poetry Month, howsabout a list of some great quotes by actual poets  ? Makes me a little sad that I write so sparingly now, and most of it is incomprehensible doom-and-gloom when I actually do write, but I did bang out something a few days ago I kinda really like, even if it makes no sense to me at most glances. I'll just need to clear up some port space for it and gain some patience/confidence to actually post it. I'll just tease it by saying the title is "Arthur Hubbard's Winning Nose", and before I say anything more, no, I have no idea who he is and it's not based on anyone in particular. Came across parts of the name in different things I'd read...that's all. And I worked it into something...and that's another thing! Boggles my mind when people say they're "working on a poem". For fuck's sake how hard is it? Is that really a thing? You work hard at your job, and you work hard on raising your family...if you like to write, is "working at a poem" really a legit thing? 'Cuz if you paid me to write shit I'd be a broke-ass mawfugga. For real. I understand if you're trying to write in a specific style, counting syllables and whatnot, and making sure you stick a rhyme scheme, but fuck that. I won't be crippled by definitions or patterns or iambic pentameter or whatever. Let it go, edit for punctuation or spelling, and move on. I'm a poet's poet, not an English teacher. I do what I like and I like what I do and if you don't, buy a volume of ee cummings' greatest hits or whatever.

And like that, we're done here. Hope you got as much satisfaction from this as I did. Peace, the change- you keep it, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!