Slurred Emotions

Perpetual Headache

5-9-08

The blind was only a little seeing-eye puppy
back when she thought she was leading me.
A pre-mutation cell of cancer
that claimed to have all the answers.
Night after night. Fight after fight.
I never ran so I faced the inevitable.
Pulled up my pants
to become a man.

And sometimes
the struggle doesn't hold up.
I'm thankful for not having to walk around
selling pencils out of tin cups.
They say in a lot of the best lives
it's best to have a short memory
but I was gifted with an awkward one...
it remembers the worst of what it wants to of me.

You think might heart might take up some slack
but it doesn't consider the past like that.
What's done is done for,
and doesn't wanna play around with it anymore.
All the missed takes (mistakes) and missteps...
how do I even hold breath?
It takes more than a way to get away,
but you can't get away without a way.

I can't help that the past is all around
and I can't fight a one-newspaper town
and everyone paints their own failures
on your frown like you're some sad, broken clown.
They're all good like that
and you can at least count on them for that
and when they dismiss you like that
you've got nothing to say about that.

I walk these streets, a headache in the making.
I gave up quests because my heart stopped breaking.
Every deed I do, I do in kind
but every good deed gets punished to the mind.
And I hate that it gets taken home with me.
And I hate that it goes to bed with me.
And I hate that it wakes up with me.
But is it me? Or of me? Or by me?

The love? They never get it
and the ones who get it never accept it.
I set all the guides free just so I could be me.
Now all I have is me and some leashes.
We never knew how to use 'em.
No way to decipher who the control was on.
All I know is I can't get away from this place
that I'm in without a headache or a heartache.