Slurred Emotions

California Sinks Farther Into The Ocean

5/10

We invented this architecture.
We retrofitted
by design.
Now we know just what we're after,
but when the life designs
don't fit the budgets or the hemlines,
then when is it time
to blow it up
and rebuild what's due to us?

I know a sinking band of thought
is tearing up at us.
It's coming from the inside
and working back around.
These days, they complain
that I don't do my best for them
but they don't know
my ups and downs
as well as they know theirs.

I want to set this straight
behind me.

I didn't do wrong by
not doing right
but if this is in front of me,
I've got to make something more
than what's not working for me.
I did no wrong by
not doing right.
Forgive me when I hurt.
Forgive me when it hurts
to you.

I can't fully explain
what it means to be me,
and I don't expect you to accept
the tantrums I have bled
in the name of hopefully
gaining progress.
I've been a golden state
tarnishing my fate
and I walk across it
like lakes breaking off of lakes
and I've been taking life
one day at a time
until it falls from my control
(and it usually does).

If you ain't scared of life
sometimes,
you don't know what it means
to die.
I've died one hundred times
until I came through to you
and I died a little more
just to get to you.
If I die once more I'll be an ocean
of dying to talk to you.

You're not scared of life.
You always pull through.
Your golden state of trust makes you "you".
When you stopped being the me that I was looking at,
I went off-course.
I strayed the path.
I failed your clouds.
I tainted your oceans.
I tried to resurrect the foundations.
I fell asleep
alone next to you.

You're not late. We're never late!
It just doesn't matter.
It's not so big to you
as I think it is,
but what I think
is not as big nor small
as you think.
You have it right in your head,
but I know better than
what I let you
crop my picture of me
to be.

If you ain't scared of dyin',
then you ain't really livin'.