Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about satire, France, and authority.

"Another effective form of comedy is satire. Take a shot at writing a satirical piece on a local or national news story, or respond to any other blogging groups' prompt from a satirical viewpoint. Make it funny folks."

Good afternoon y'all! It's Thursday...Day 4 of Comedy Roundtable Week in the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" . I've had a bit of a rough week outside of the blogging arena so far, and today especially has been a bit of a drain, but I'm anxious to get going on spending quality time doing what I enjoy most...so let's go!

I love satire...plain and simple. Sites like The Onion  ...I don't even need to read their articles; the headlines usually tell me all I need to know. To me, it's a more educated form of comedy. You have to know enough about a certain subject, and then you need the chops to skewer it. At its essence it's creative writing 101, but with a bite. I've written decent material before, and I'm occasionally funny...I've also come off as slightly off-kilter and obnoxious, but I don't think I've ever actively tried to write something with a satirical bend. I guess there's a first time for everything...and hey, that's sorta the underlying theme of these mini-challenge weeks, isn't it? At least that's how I'm looking at it.

First though, I'll need some source material....Elon Musk's biggest challenge yet: Recharging Buffalo, NY  . And I'm gonna be honest...this article definitely gets the TL; DR designation (too long; didn't read, for the uninformed). The gist of it is that an old, closed down steel mill in Buffalo is gonna be turned into a plant that produces solar panels. This appeals to me because I'm from Buffalo, and my dad and grandfather worked at the mill mentioned as the potential site. I know very little else, so let's see what I can do.

Rich Man Wants To Turn Dead City Into Solar Gold

BUFFALO, NY- Elon Musk, a wealthy inventor and slightly "touched" entrepreneur, has decided to hold off on building his space rocket...his sights are set on a more terrestrial vision: getting the United States to compete on a global level in the burgeoning solar panel market. And he's chosen the most curious of locales to attempt this feat: snowy and often sunless Buffalo, NY.

Buffalo, once the nation's fourth-largest city because of its steel mills and proximity to snowier Canada, hasn't been visited by tourists since 1986...now the longest such streak in the US after President Obama mistakenly stopped in St. Louis for a hot dog and a smoke outside the famed Arch last summer. Residents are still digging out from a massive snowstorm that dropped 90" of snow in some areas over two days in November of 2014, and businesses have been slow to recover...the ones that have tried to reopen, that is.

But Musk is undeterred. Like an artist staring at a blank canvas, he sees the closed and decaying steel mills that populate South Buffalo as the starting point for a race against China, to see who can churn out devices that will harness the sun's mythical power. One can only hope that someday we'll be able to power cars, light up entire neighborhoods, and reverse the Earth's orbit with this fancy technology...all with the important "Made In The USA" sticker on the back.

The plan is for production to start in 2017, which will employ the approximately 3,000 people left in the city who aren't professional athletes or strippers. Mayor Byron Brown is banking on Musk's dream to hopefully land himself another term in office, making the city's first African-American mayor the longest tenured African-American mayor in Buffalo's racist history.

"We're on the precipice of something historic here," Brown said at his news conference, "and also, some guy with an electric car needs to borrow a garage with an outlet while he tries to redevelop our brownfields, which were named after me. Better cross that one off my bucket list." Brown also said the state's investment in the Western New York area, forgotten for years and dismissed as part of "Southern Canada" by former governors Eliot Spitzer and David Paterson  , will prove to be beneficial by putting more people on the tax roll- a major boon and the only source of revenue for the highest-taxing state in the nation.

Musk, at press time, was unavailable for comment...although he did let us listen to the motor humming in his battery-powered Tesla, and it sounds really killer. The Associated Press declined to contribute to this report, and has taken out a restraining order against myself and my staff...please, just look at my resumé! I've sent you an updated copy each month for the last three years, so I know you had to have seen it!

"You walk into a winery and meet a charming French man woman serving up the wine tasting. When you leave the pouring room, you realize you are in 1950's France! What happens next?"

Oui oui!   Or something like that. I don't know any French, besides fries and kissing, and 1950's Google kinda sucks because it's a pocket dictionary that tells me how to ask for a bathroom, where to find a hotel, and how to say "please" and "thank you". But check out the eyes that wined-up madamoiselle is layin' on me...I guess I don't need to know how to say much more .

I overheard her a bit during the tasting presentation...she does know a little of my language, and there's nothin' sexier than a beautiful foreign woman speaking broken English. I better make some eye contact and get her attention before one of these limp baguettes makes a play on her and ruins the best evening she doesn't know she's about to have.

And that's about all I can say...if you can't figure out what's about to happen next, you'll probably never know . I'm not changing this blog's rating from 18+ to GC just for one drunken romantic romp with a hot French girl.

"In my psychology course, we're learning about obedience and morals. Do you find it difficult to say no to people when you view them as an 'authority' figure? Do you think your need to do as you're instructed would outweigh your personal morals, as has been proven to happen to the majority of people during psychological experiments such as The Milgram Experiment  ?"

This is absolutely fascinating. I'm a free-thinker. I tend to not play along well with authority, and I'm, well, at times I can be pretty morally bankrupt. I'm not sure if what I'm about to get into here will satisfy the prompt, but whatever. My blog, your suggested topic, my rules...dig?

I don't have a problem doing what I'm told as long as it's reasonable and within certain parameters of what's right and expected, but I also don't have a problem telling someone I won't do something if I feel it's wrong, pointless, or a waste of time.

Maybe that's why in almost every job I've had I aspired to be the boss, and/or eventually took on a leadership position. Even though you're still putting up with someone else's bullshit, it's a different sort of bullshit...but at least you're paid a little more for it, and if you play your cards right the hours become a little more favorable. That part, I can confidently say, was one of my strong points with upper-management types...I did what I was supposed to do, occasionally went above and beyond, and was almost always compensated accordingly.

But I've also had to do the dirty work. I've had to fire people I thought were good, competent employees (because the people above me hated firing people as much as I did). I've had to discipline staff members I really liked. I don't care for conflict and I don't like angering or disappointing people. I've taken the bullet for the sake of delivering it to someone else, which sucks. But ya know what? Better someone else's head on the chopping block than mine.

Maybe I'm stubborn and selfish, but there's nothing wrong with being driven and getting after whatever it is you want...whether it's a material item, or motivating someone else for something, or just trying to find whatever you're looking for in life. Know your limits and convictions...what's acceptable and what's not. Saying no is definitely ok, but don't be afraid to say yes and take care of yourself as well whenever applicable.

"Honesty or mystery? Tell me I'm not scared anymore.
I got no secret purpose, I don't seem obvious do I?"
Lyrics.  

Well, it's official...I'm out for the year. Season-ending injury: Major Depressive Disorder, recurrent; Generalized Anxiety Disorder; Patient remains highly symptomatic. What does that mean? No work or school for another six months. Another med change...my doc's trying to switch me again to what he wanted to put me on back in February but my insurance wouldn't cover...but now that there's evidence of med trials not working, he thinks this time they'll authorize it. Kinda sucks. In the long run, I might qualify for disability benefits, but I'm still unclear on how all of that works...I'm just letting this all sink in for now.

On the plus side, after my stress-inducing trip trifecta of the doctor, social services, and the drug store for scripts, I managed to hit The Cortland Local Food Market  , which is great because now I don't have to go across town for produce and there's all kinds of organic foods. I might pay a little more, but that's ok 'cuz I'll be eatin' better (provided I get my appetite back eventually)...I even finally tried my first bottle of Kombucha  , and I kinda liked it. It's definitely different but I can get into it.

I'll tell you what does have me ecstatic right now though...y'all know I'm a fan of comedy, especially Dave Chappelle. Yesterday I came across a link to 40 NSFW Chappelle memes  , and I spent a good long while adding a couple of them to my repertoire, as evidenced earlier in this entry.

I know some of you are kinda like me, and there's something seriously wrong with you you're curious about things that fall into the category of "out of the ordinary"...so I'm just gonna go ahead and say it: I've occasionally wondered what the skeletons of cartoon animals look like  . And now we finally know.

And finally, as I was laying in bed last night trying to fall asleep while watching Moone Boy  , my man Brother Nature left a link for me on Facebook...perhaps referring to the whereabouts of our old friend, one Andre The Blog Monkey. It seems that chimpanzees have found a way to get drunk in the wild  . No word on how they cope with hangovers or the bad decisions they make while shitfaced though.

Well, I think you and I have both been through enough today, and I for one feel a little bit better than when I started this day out, as well as when I began fingerblasting my tablet. If you feel even a tenth of the therapeutic value from reading this as I think I've gained from exercising my right to freely speak, then I can say I did alright. Peace, the DJ never has it, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!