Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about Funny Friday, two powers, and Hemingway.

"It's Funny Friday folks - Make it funny. Write that blog entry describing the funniest Friday you've ever experienced."

Hey everyone...welcome back to the final day of the Comedy Roundtable adventure week, as conceived as part of June's mini-challenges in the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" . Give a hand to the world famous Brother Nature for doing a bang-up job hosting this go-'round's festivities.

Now, as I've mentioned a few times recently, I'm a fan of many types of comedy (and of laughter in general), but I gotta admit...I think Joel might've stumped me on this prompt. Even the example   he provided us when he sent out the prompt last night isn't really doing me any favors (although it is kinda amusing because for a Wikipedia page it reads like it was written by a member of Dr. Seuss' intended audience). It's not Joel's fault for trying though...I'm just having a really hard time remembering a Friday of my own that has stood out enough for its funny qualities.

Sure, I've had lots of good times, and great times, and fun/funny times...but nothing sticks out. And I'm someone who likes to think he can find humor in practically anything. The things I can remember didn't happen on a Friday. At least I don't believe they did.

But I have a theory as to why lots of cool things could potentially happen on the day before Saturday. There are two things about Friday that I think, for a majority of adults, point to it being the background cause of chicanery: 1) it's a payday; and 2) it's the start of the weekend, so there's no school or work (apologies to everyone that neither of these instances is true for). More money and the opportunity to sleep in, for some, is a recipe for allz teh good tymez.

I can respect people that take their playtime seriously...but what I can't respect are the people that make a point every week of reminding you, because of the nature of their work, that they can't enjoy the weekend. And I can say that because I've worked my fair share of weekends, but that's what I signed up for. To bitch about it would make me sound like an a-hole, in my opinion (which, in turn, makes those people sound like a-holes). The only people who are worse? The ones that have, for example, every Tuesday and Wednesday off, and will go out of their way in conversation to work in whatever their plans are for those days, because "that's my weekend". No. No that's not "your weekend". Those are your days off. Your weekend is the same as mine, and it's the same as the person standing on the exact opposite side of the world as you: Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday. You're not Hallmark; you don't get to decide where certain days should fall on the calendar or make up holidays.

And here's where I realize, a paragraph or two late, that I've fallen completely off topic. It was fun while it lasted.

I know I've had a lot of fun Fridays. I had a lot of fun other days too, but Fridays, maybe more than any other day. It's when you first get to let loose after five straight days of the monotonies of life dragging you through the motions. By Saturday the only thing you should feel like doing is attempting to relive Friday, and on Sunday you should hurt so good that recovery mode consists of a 14-hour Netflix marathon and Chinese takeout (bonus points if it's delivered; triple bonus points if you answer the door in underwear or less). Your weekend should always be so awesome that by bedtime Sunday night you're craving some semblance of normalcy...even if that normalcy means putting up with your shithead boss while the guy in the cubicle next to you busts rancid hard-boiled egg farts every fifteen minutes.

And since I've pretty much blown off the actual prompt, I'm gonna wrap this up with a little bit of life advice: Always try to incorporate a small part of the weekend into your everyday routine...you'll live longer, sleep better, and feel great. For 5-15 minutes a day (give or take), the benefits are worth it. Little things, like dancing in place to a song in your head, making time in the morning for some "personal pleasure", or just drinking on the job can give you seven full days of the satisfaction you normally get in two. Try it now; thank me later.

"Write about two creatures- human or animal- whose sense of power is altered by the other's presence."

I feel like the entries I've written so far this month have been as good as anything I've ever done since I began blogging. Until today.

And it's not that I think these prompts suck (they don't), or that I'm unmotivated...I just don't have anything for 'em. That's why my response to this prompt is going to be simple and short. There are two basic powers in this world- the two most powerful powers of all. I feel like a friend and an outcast at times to both of them. I know their strengths and their weaknesses, much like my own. But above all, there can only be one thing to unite them, and I can summon it in 30 minutes or less.

"Throughout Hemingway's career as a writer he believed that it was bad luck to talk about writing- that it takes off 'whatever butterflies have on their wings and the arrangement of hawks' feathers if you show or talk about it.' Do you agree or disagree? Do you personally have any superstitions about your writing craft?"

Huh...would you believe that I don't think I've ever read anything by Hemingway? Luckily, this prompt is long enough to ensure that I won't go 0-for-3 today, even if this last part isn't that interesting.

Personally, I enjoy talking about writing...as long as it's not my own. Maybe it's because I'm the first one who sees it in front of me, and I know where it originates from, or I'd just rather the attention go somewhere else...I don't know.

Unfortunately, I don't have any superstitions when it comes to writing. I have a few routines- some I've had for years, and some I've only recently been practicing- but I'm not a believer in "If x, then y = jinxed" or some shit. Either people read this and like it, or don't like it, or don't read it...the alignment of the stars isn't gonna matter one bit in terms of my successes or failures.

Besides, Hemingway was a bit unhinged, wasn't he? I'd totally love what he said about not talking about writing if he substituted "caterpillars" for "butterflies" and if hawks didn't have feathers, and he spouted off about it while riding a unicorn topless over NYC with a cigar in one hand and an old Motorola brick cell phone in the other, talking gardening tips with Saddam Hussein.

Paragraphs like that last one are why I need to be in the t-shirt designing business.

I've pretty much trainwrecked this entry all the way around anyway, so why not just add in one of Canada's greatest contributions to the early 1980's as well? Not like I'm hurtin' anything...

"Everybody's going off the deep end.
Everybody needs a second chance."
Lyrics.  

Nowadays we take the internet for granted. There are kids old enough to legally drink that have no idea the internet didn't come with the house they grew up in. But for those of us who can recall the early days of mainstream personal computing, here's a handy, slider-enabled side-by-side look at some common websites, then and now  .

Speaking of planets aligning properly, I'm not into astrology or horoscopes or that stuff anymore...which is why this breakdown of the worst qualities of each zodiac sign   is funnier to me than maybe it should be. Plus, I'm a Leo, and the description here is fairly accurate.

Whenever you're feeling stupid, just remember that there are millions of people on this planet who didn't invent anything worthwhile enough to warrant becoming rich and famous. There are good ideas, and great ideas, and then there's the the fifteen greatest ideas ever  .

And finally, Father's Day is just around the corner (I don't know the exact date because I'm not a dad, but you can still feel free to shower me with presents, love, and paternal appreciation anyway)...and your pals over at Trending Buffalo have created this list of gifts   for that hard-to-shop-for man in your life. It's even easier to go along with these suggestions if he also happens to be a Buffalo sports fan.

Well, now that I've successfully ruined all that you've come to know about me and writing prompt-based blog entries, you should probably go spend the rest of your weekend volunteering for a charity or feeding the homeless or camping out in front of a church altar until it's time for you to go back to work on Monday. Peace, get it right, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!