Ribmeat Of The Family Tree

My Application To Become The Next Pope

4-2-05

Through various experiences in life,
I've been entrenched among the holy.
I've been both sides of the Bible;
enough to defeat it and teach it
simultaneously.
I've had eyes on me,
suffered poverty,
endured frail health,
healed tortured souls and
tortured heeled soles,
swarmed as the locust
and came forward like a thousand doves.
I've been monitoring and been mentored;
I've died of failure
and lived in a pursuit of learning.
Your pastoral system
is so hierarchal
and corporate-based,
as Englishly un-American
while adopting such a homely business practice.
I tell you:
teach me around all I already know
and tell me what I have to pay
up front-
that's my diplomacy in action-
and I'll revolutionize
and tell you how I can help
through my personal nightmares
already lived.
You, in turn,
will give me access to the free world,
with their full will of submission to me,
and once I've bastardized and dominated
and made my name
renaming a religion
based on "core capital beliefs",
you'll give me unquestioned
health care access at no cost.
Just as long as I
don't have to drag my dying ass
over to a window to wave
to people who are no different,
and in many cases,
not as believable in real life
as I am.