Wondering about my Wanderings

glad to be me

It time for my next blog. I spent quite a lot of time writing and will look for time to do more. I figured I would get some reviews in too. I am not real sure what is changing for me. I am not overly concerned at getting anyone to read my writing. It is more like an urge to let go! It could be likened to a need to vomit, but I think it is more a need to release something that is locked deep within, so that I am no longer a prisoner. I can not imagine the journey will be easy and even if it is finished it will be a journey that is a long way from completion. Part of the mystery is finding out what is locking me up. I am handcuffed to expectations that I will be whatever God wants me to be. I am running out of time. I know my limits. I am not a good preacher compared to others I listen to. I get tongue tied and am exhausted after the sermon is done. I used to think I had a gift of compassion. I am learning that I am a lousy listener. How can one have compassion when the world of the other is virtually unknown. I do not know how to write well and yet it is something I love to do. I like to eat, play tennis and sleep. That does not mean I do all things equally well. It is rather funny. I enjoy visits with family and friends. That does not mean I am an expert on one to one relationships. Counseling others is definitely out. I have been counseling almost all of my life. I would rather see myself as a professional client.

I do not know what to think. I will watch my sports and play my word games. I will do reviews, because I enjoy doing that. I will be a security guard and caregiver, because I need to pay bills. I am a believer. The problem is that I pale in comparison to others I look up to and almost worship. If only I could be like them. Why do I have to be so inept? I am glad that people are patient with my shortcomings. I hope that I can be as gracious with them. God give me strength to be me it is the only thing I can do better than anyone else. God created me for some reason. I can not worry about all the other people that I can never know completely. God could have created me to be anyone. Instead he created me to be me!!