The Undiscovered Country

All in The Family

Years ago, an aunt of a friend died. She left no will, but a house and all of her belongings behind. My friend decided to step up and execute her estate.

Between her and her brothers and sisters, they split everything up with my friend trying to keep track of it all. Since she didn't own a home, she decided to buy the house from her siblings.

In all her attempts to be fair and equitable, some siblings outright stole some of the aunt's items and accused my friend of trying to do the same.

Now after almost fifteen years past, some of her siblings won't have anything to do with her.

My familly was never close. We go months and even years without letters, phone calls or emails. In a sentence, there's a lot of emotional as well as physical distance.

However, if one family member needs something, or we have a family get-together, almost everyone steps up. I personally have never seen so much strife as to drive certain members away, at least not permanently.

Emotional distance or not, I pray that never changes, because family is something that can't be replaced. In the end, it's all we have. If we are to depend on anyone in this life, it's family. When I see families torn apart because of misplaced words or deeds, I cringe and want to weep. The last thing I want to see is something like that happen in my own family, because it doesn't drive just one person away. Such strife also forces other family members to take sides against others, creating an even bigger rift.

If I have any fears, that's near the top.

Family is where we're supposed to accept -- and yes, at times endure -- everyone else's strange behaviors (unless they're dangerous, of course) and perspectives on life. We don't have to like it; no one should expect that. But it's also okay to back away and not engage so strife, discomfort and family breakups can be avoided.

I have my own special quirks. I like to be accurate. Not because I want to be better than everyone else, but because that's how I'm made. I have a rational mind that salivates over concrete problems and solutions. My favorite subjects in school were math and physics, because no matter how many times I plug in certain numbers into a certain equation, I get the same answer. If I don't, I know I did something wrong.

I also love to learn new things, and I eagerly look for ways to see things from a different point of view. If someone comes along to correct my fallacies, I thank them. They took the time to show me my inaccuracy on a certain subject, so I can in the future be more accurate. I'm a better person because of it.

The problem is, I assume (often wrongly) that other people are like me in that they also want to be accurate. I forget that some people are more emotional (not a bad thing, mind you, just different from me), and the things I say and do are hurtful to them.

They see my attempts as trying to make them look stupid when that never even occurs to me. There is not a person on this planet I would call or believe to be stupid for any reason. We all are smart in different ways, and every person is a combination of unique and sometimes enviable abilities and talents. While I may know math and physics, try to explain electricity, organic chemistry, psychology, or show me how to ballet and you will get nothing but a blank stare. Those sciences and abilities are far too fluid for this brain of mine.

I know people who can empathize with others, an ability I know I lack (and sometimes forget I lack). If there's one thing I could change about me, it's that. I honestly don't mean to hurt people, so when I do, I'm sincerely shocked and dismayed that I caused anyone pain.

Doing so to family members is even more painful, because they are the ones who matter most.