Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about sayin' see ya later.

"Invalid Item" 

"Farewell Party Playlist: This one can be for a going away party, a graduation party, or anything else you can think of, as long as it means 'farewell' to you."

'Sup y'all? This is not gonna be a great entry. Every other prompt for "Invalid Item"  came very easy to me; with this one, I'm already a day late and I still struggled to fill out an entire 10-song list that didn't totally suck. Hell, most days I think I easily rattled off at least twenty songs in my head or on paper and sorted them fairly well. Not so much over yesterday and today.

I think the biggest reason for this is that I'm terrible at goodbyes. I'm very uncomfortable about them and I have no idea why. I don't think, to my recollection at least, I was scarred by any one in particular. I'm just not cool with change I guess. I don't like it when some things end. And this turned out to be a really fun activity (not that I doubted it'd be), so I'm a tiny bit sad to see it go away. I wonder what The StoryMaster is gonna do once all the "Invalid Item"  contests are over and archived for posterity; I think Fran 🌈🧜‍♀️ pretty much has her own dedicated server now at WDC headquarters (but Elle - on hiatus has something up her sleeve apparently, if "Note: *throws her last to-do list in the rubbish* *^*Bo..." is any indication, and if that's the case then I'm pretty sure her and Fran just trade sweaters full of stuff ready to be plotted each month ).

And before you guys accuse me of getting all sappy and sentimental, it's not like I'm goin' away or anything. No one's running off to college or going to jail (I hope). We're not some mega huge graduating class wishing each other a fond "stay in touch" while secretly hoping/knowing we'll never see each other again...in fact, most of you are already signed up for the "Resurrection Jukebox"  that starts in like two or three days anyways, so I'll bump into you all there (*looks at ~Minja~ *). I'll wake up tomorrow knowing I'm not actively taking part in anything that immediately demands some attention, I'll exhale, and our respective days will all go off accordingly.

But I just have to get this last playlist outta the way first. Like I said in "Invalid Post"   last night, this was super hard for some reason. I didn't wanna come up with high school "don't forget me" songs, or breakup songs, or triflin' hoe shit. And yet, that's kinda what I did anyway. Let's just get on with it and get it over with.

1) "I Will See You In Far-Off Places" by Morrissey   Ever notice that the songs about missing someone, or seeing someone later, or songs in general about death or loss or moving on are often toward the end of an album? Or at least at the end of Side A, for all the old school vinyl and cassette types? Only someone like Morrissey could pull off opening a record with sentiments like that...but it's not sad so much as it's hopeful.

2) "Stay Young" by Oasis   Funny story about this...I'm an Oasis fan. Not a superfan by any stretch, but I'm familiar with most of their catalog. A while ago (back in my GPC days, for anyone who read my previous entry, "This one's about karaoke night." ) my sister had a friend who was determined to move out of state after graduating. She was serious about it, and as her friends we all of course supported her decision...every time she made it. Details of each occasion are murky, so I don't really know who to blame anymore or why or what happened...but I can think of at least three instances where I went to some kind of "going away party" for this girl. And she never went anywhere. By the third time I was very skeptical of the whole thing, her moving out of state. I was very pissed up, and decided to dedicate this song to her at karaoke, because we'd miss her and blah blah blah and whatever and we won't forget you and all that bullshit we'd already been through. Only, it turned out that I had no idea what this god damn song even sounded like (although I'd heard it numerous times). By far, the worst drunken karaoke performance ever. I was rude and arrogant and snotty and wasted and slurring and I don't think I managed to get out a single coherent verse. And I was a total douchebag on top of it, rockin' a shaggy Liam Gallagher haircut and wearing sunglasses in a bar at night. In other words, it was sorta perfect.

3) "Don't You (Forget About Me)" by Simple Minds   Am I just fucked up at remembering things, or were the 80's the best decade for songs like this? Those torch-bearing "don't forget me" anthems like this one, so aptly titled? This was, like a #1 hit single...but if it would've come out ten or fifteen years later it probably would've just been another forgotten song all the Emo kids listened to. Maybe it's because it played at the end of an iconic 80's high school movie (seriously, if you've never seen The Breakfast Club then I don't think we can be friends). Or does every generation identify with a certain group of songs that signify moving from one chapter in life to another? I can't really peg a song from the 90's or later that sticks with me like this one. It's probably just me and my selective attention-paying.

4) "Snowbirds And Townies" by Further Seems Forever   Speaking of Emo...I can't believe I've never seen this video until tonight, and I wish I hadn't now because it's basically one long American Eagle commercial circa 2001, but gawd this song is incredible. "Working-class boys, dreaming of girls from faraway points"...that line always kills me. So many good lines in a song basically about seasonal relationships. It never used to feel this good to feel so sad.

5) "Never Let Me Down Again" by Depeche Mode   Depeche Mode is one of those bands that I never really got into until so many years later. I wanna say sometime in the late summer/early fall of 2003, I worked very briefly as a vacuum salesman...maybe three weeks. A lot of travel; seven or eight of us in a van to rural towns sometimes two hours away. It sucked. And my "boss", I guess, if that's what he was, would often play DM on the late-night rides back into town. He was the least likely person I would've guessed at the time to be into them...shaved head, neck tattoos, real gruff badass shit-talkin' type, smash a beer bottle and threaten you with it, maybe my age or even younger. But he'd pop them in and the van would get quiet and contemplative, and it would all just sink in. I have no real reason for adding this to my list today other than I was playing Song Pop on Facebook while trying to come up with stuff for this entry, and this came up. And it's my favorite Depeche Mode song.

6) "Stay Gold, Ponyboy" by The Get Up Kids   I'm not gonna get into too many details about it, because it still makes me sad in ways that maybe it shouldn't anymore and there's a lot to the story, but we all process things differently. Someone very, very close to me wound up going into rehab for various drugs. It was live-in program for teens, and he wound up spending something like eight or nine months there. For awhile I wasn't even allowed to visit him, because I was my own brand of fuck-up at the time, but we were allowed to exchange letters. It was hard on me because of how I viewed my role in our relationship and I know it was hard on him for his reasons, but I know I had let him down a lot and that wasn't gonna change. I was listening to Four Minute Mile a lot in those days; there are a lot of parallels in those lyrics to my life throughout it. I had roughly a six minute drive to work, and if this came on I would be a blubbering, bawling mess by the time I pulled into the parking lot. Eventually he'd scored enough good-behavior time to get out for a little bit on the weekends, and sometimes we'd hit up an AA meeting and then have lunch, and it was all good. We'd been friends for so long and yet I never saw any of it coming; I was too wrapped up in my own life and my problems. And I wish I could say I learned something from it all. I think I'm still learning. And I may never stop.

7) "Pictures Of You" by The Cure   Another band I didn't start listening to until much, much later...but I definitely remember when this song was popular-ish. It always made me...wistful? Is that the right word? I had a friend in high school that I thought of every time I heard this on the radio. We were both "different", you know, not like everyone else, and there were times people thought we should be boyfriend/girlfriend. Maybe she wanted to be, I don't know. I know there were times I wanted to be, but I never pushed it. Maybe I was too afraid she'd say no, and that would make the friendship weird or whatever...you know how kids work when they're 14, 15, etc. I guess what I'm saying is that I still think of her whenever I hear this song. She was a really cool ass unique person. But I'm sure everyone has a few songs that remind them of specific people in a wistful way.

8) "I've Got Friends" by Manchester Orchestra   And then there are bands that I'd see one time on a late-night talk show, fire up iTunes, and buy an album because I liked what I saw. I forget what the exact song was but that's how I came to buy Mean Everything To Nothing (which is also the song I almost used today as well in this spot). I'm not gonna get all depressive or anything about what this song means, other than I've felt like what these lyrics describe a lot in the past, and there are parts of me that are still trying to get over feeling like that even now.

9) "Wave Goodbye" by Chris Cornell   There are many songs with bleak lyrics or meanings that are wrapped up in a palatable package for the ear. This isn't the darkest or saddest lyrically, and sound-wise it won't put an instant smile on your face, but it's brighter to listen to the lyrics against the grunge/funk going on...it makes the subject matter easier to swallow, I guess. "Every hurtful thing you ever said is ringing in your ear when you miss somebody"...yup. So true. Especially when you know you can't just take those words back, or make that person reappear.

10) "Death Is Not The End" by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds (with Kylie Minogue, Shane MacGowan, Blixa Bargeld, and Mick Harvey)   The final (and perhaps the most beautiful) song on Murder Ballads. Originally a Bob Dylan tune, but it just doesn't seem right to me in his voice (and no, that has nothing to do with my secret Kylie Minogue crush either ). There's a feeling here that nothing is ever truly final, even the most final of endings; there's comfort and reassurance. Like saying goodbye seems like it's for forever; I'd rather say that no matter what, I'll see you soon. Maybe a day or a year, maybe decades from now; maybe here or there, or someplace unknown. At least that's how I see it.

Again, this isn't a perfect list. I'm sure if I were to think about this some other time, maybe it'd be easier or I'd have more fitting songs. Hopefully this particular tracklisting isn't too much of a downer. I know the etymology behind a word like farewell is meant to imply a more positive spin on the act of people parting ways, but it seldom feels like any reason is truly a good reason, even if the intentions are 100% inline and legit. Sometimes, certain people aren't meant to be apart, but that's just another hard lesson we all have to learn about life.

I really enjoyed this past week and this activity. I'm glad Charlie ~ hosted it as part of "Invalid Item" , and the music nerd (I hesitate about even bothering to type those two words in a self-referencing manner now after trading comments with Cinn the other day ) in me loves talking about music and songs and meanings and lyrics and seeing who likes what and why...it's all a part of what makes us who we are. Thanks for letting me share my playlists with you...see ya in a few days for "Resurrection Jukebox"  . Peace, better things like winter flings, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!