Witness to Withness

Church

The church a place where God lives
The church a place to know God forgives
The church a place to sing
The church a place to think
about what does it mean to be a church

Church is family and over time it is a place that challenges one and all to envision what it means to be a child of God.

         I had to at some point decide that I would go to church, especially if my dream to be a minister was real. I chose to go to a church that was close to where Sun House was. It was a church that happened to be frequented by my family which was still in my mind a safe group of people to be with on a regular basis. What had happened to the family that was so close, where persons all stuck together through thick and thin. It was to church I went when my family seemed so far away. Church was another way to think about how to be family in a spiritual sense.

         I came back to church with no clear agendas. I was a member of First Baptist church in Whitman, but that was far away. I can recall that one of my crises in college was trying to think about where I was theologically. Did I want to be "Calvinistic" or would I decide the Nazarenes had a better way? When in doubt I found myself doing nothing. I had already heard during my hospitalization that the minister at the Baptist church used my experience to help others. I admit to know being sure about this approach. I had been used once, how did I know I would not be used again?

         When I was first attending the Assembly church it was in a building that held about one hundred people busting at the seams. There was standing room only. Then there was a historic development. A much larger building that held over a thousand people was wanting to switch due to the fact the church was dwindling and could not afford the heating bills. It was in the newspapers and in the news. The pastor Stokem took it upon himself to fill the big building with attendants in time for a great celebration at Easter. I watched from afar. Church was not there for me while in the hospital, at least church as I understood a spiritual family. I decided over time that I needed an attitude adjustment. I joined the Easter choir with the Pastor as director. I was caught up in the excitement. We were getting ready to sing the "Hallelujah" chorus for Easter. The advertising became more frequent. I enjoyed celebrating my deliverance from a world where I was threatened by eternal commitment at a mental health facility. I was ready when the Easter service arrived. I remember faintly I had one other brother singing in the choir. The church was indeed packed and I sang at the top of my lungs with joy in my heart. I would listen to that tape and my voice could be heard over others. Hallelujah-For the God omnipotent reigneth!!

         Over time things got strange. I joined a group of persons that passed out pamphlets to people in the streets that needed to know about the Lord. I was caught up in what this church saw as normal. I can recall going up to a scraggy old man with another witness who wanted to tell us about the bible. He sounded and smelt drunk, but it was our job to bear witness. The leader of our group "Henry" was always sharing about victory and about the great job the pastor was doing in working with people we were not. Things got dicey in church. The pastor was constantly getting into it with a heckler that we would later learn was gay. It was all very disturbing. It escalated out of control when in a secretive meeting the pastor was forced to resign his position. This disturbed me greatly. The church split. I decided to stay with those in the bigger building. I recall family of my best friend leaving bitter and in a frenzy. I would learn later the pastor had been exposed as a pedophile. He left and he was wished well. I was more cautious and doubtful about what was going on here. I wanted to be forgiving, but was not even sure what that meant.