Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about Christmas...Spam?

What's up you guys? I know it's been... ok, I didn't quite realize it's been three weeks since the last time I decided to write a blog entry, but we can't change that now and so here we are. I've come close to wanting to write one a couple times, but honestly most days it's been more like "nah, not into it". I won't go into detail or request any kind of pity party (yet)...let's just leave it all at this (September to March) isn't my favorite time of the year (reasons being my own) and get on with our lives and my entry, capisce?!

"Regardless of your beliefs, traditions, or nationality everybody likes to celebrate.
- What do you celebrate?
- Talk about some people who deserve to be celebrated.
- Research a celebration that you know little or nothing about and write about what you learned.
- Write a prompt that you think your muse might like to write on.
- Don't forget: THIS IS YOUR MUSE'S BLOG, NOT YOURS. (This is a prompt in itself.)
- Let your creative side be the driving force in all of your (YOUR MUSE'S) entries."

Initially, I had decided I wasn't gonna run an Unofficial "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  round for December. Brother Nature (The Official Unofficial Host) has real-life stuff that needs attending, it's the holidays and WDC activities either tend to suffer slightly from lack of attendance or feature a small concentration of people huddling their words under one mistletoe, hoping for that random kiss from a stranger in the crowd, and quite frankly, I wasn't up for hosting anything or participating in anything and praying at some point I'd be able to summon up the mental fortitude to judge November's 30DBC...so I was like "Sorry guys, we're closed for Christmas as of Dec. 1st!", and as soon as I posted that I felt sad(der than normal). I started thinking that maybe I could run a week or ten or twelve days of something, but while I was trying to bleed my tired stone of a brain for ideas Joel popped into the forum with his prompt (as you can see in the italics above). A good man, that Brother Nature...one of the best around these parts if anyone asks (and seldom does anyone ask me). I'm not gonna tackle all of his suggestions at once...my entries almost always fall on the longer side as it is, and if I were to write one entry according to all six points up there, chances are I'd be here 'til Easter explaining myself. And I don't have the patience for any of that, so I'll do my best between now, this week, and any other time I might slap down an entry before your boy St. Nick and his fat ass makes it down your chimney (with care ).

And I'm not doing this with the courtesy of a muse...sorry. I've taken the pains in previous entries to explain before that I don't have one (and I don't feel like looking back through over 1,000+ entries to see how I carefully worded my way around not having one or believing in the idea of one). Plus, it makes for better reading about not being into all-out celebrating if I'm also telling you without an all-out inspiration. What the industry might want here is a win-win; this is more like a settle-settle. Let's move on.

You could say I celebrate Christmas...I'm good with that. But if you ask me what it means, I'll tell you...and it's all non-religical for me (but if you know me you already knew that about me). It's all about kids and seeing their faces light up with Santa's magic. However, I am no longer physically a child (mentally, on the other hand...), nor do I have any. In fact, there aren't very many people at all left in the immediate family I celebrate with now, so that's what Christmas is...spending time with those closest. Because I live a few hours away from everyone and don't get to see them very often, that's the most important part. We'll have dinner with my brother's friend's family (they have kids, so I'm sure I'll get a Santa story or two), but hanging out with my mom and my brother for a few days or a week or however long I'm in town for (I'll be on a one-way ticket and I'm not sure when I'm returning)...that's what's up.

Other than that, I don't have much to say about Christmas without being a downer...I just haven't been in the holiday spirit much in the last few years. I can't pinpoint one particular reason or cause, and I don't have a classic incident I can look back on and say that something happened to ruin all future holidays for me; I'm guessing (hoping even, maybe) that it's just situational, and maybe down the road I'll be more festive.

#FestiveGoals: 2009 me, with the best hat decoration ever.

Until then, like every other time of the year I'll do what I can and play my part in trying to make the best of everything. I have family and some friends to see, and I'm thankful for that. There will be food and fun and fellowship, good conversation, and mostly joy. Gimme that and a pack of menthols, and I'll do all I can to follow along and smile.

Ya know what could actually get me in the holiday spirit (and encourage me to write a little bit more often)? Making fun of traditional Christmas music! Because nothing gathers people together better than their mutual and varied dislikes and distastes...and lizco252 has donned ye all in our gayest apparel and opened up her hearth so that we all may crowd around and join our voices in one giant off-key holiday cloud.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is my foray into "Invalid Item" . I can do this. This might be as happy holidays as I get in 2015.

Today's selection is "Away In A Manger Spanger" (and I'm using my poetic license to change Spanger to Spamger because that's what I wanna do), and I'm gonna be honest...I have no idea what (besides the title) the lyrics to the original actually are. I don't think I've even sung this since elementary school (back when you could get away with singing religious holiday songs in public schools). According to Beth's forum, there's supposed to be a video or lyrics or something posted to go along with today's prompt...but since I'm jumping the gun a bit and want to get this done early this morning, let's see what I can find...(and not this  , which would be great if it were a little longer and of better sound quality I figure)...

Not what I was looking for, but it was the best I could find
for not wanting to spend more than 10 minutes looking for a punk cover.
Lyrics.  

Away Is The Spamger

Away is The Spamger; no meat for my bread.
The lord of gelled ham has left me unfed.
Supermarket shelves are empty this year;
all the old ladies stocked up in fear
that a snowstorm would come and shutter them in,
leaving them without their favorite ham in a tin.
Now, I'm down with The Spamger, but I'll be ok...
I'll make a cheese sandwich or a PB&J.
As long as I know there'll be more to come,
I can get by without processed swine on my tongue.
Damn those old ladies who hoarded the Spam,
but at least Tofurky   doesn't come in a can.

Ok, it's not perfect, but it's the best I could do for now and I'm ok with it...and just like I thought I would, I feel a little bit better about the holiday season already! Plus, I've got an idea or two kickin' around for a couple of the other songs...I just hope I can give myself enough time this week to finish them all up.

So I'm going though my Pocket app (the app that lets you save links to articles so you can read them offline or on other devices...you should definitely get that app for your tablet and/or your browser) because I know I saved a couple links last year regarding weird and/or obscure Christmas songs, and I figured they'd be a nice reference to have in the event of another Soundtrackers holiday music playlist extravaganza event like last year's "12 Days of "Christmas"" . If you're looking for something off the sleigh-carved path, this list, courtesy of mental_floss  , is full of exceptional numbers you've probably never heard before...except the one song I have determined is the single worst Christmas song evvv-arrrhh, "Funky Funky Xmas" by New Kids On The Block   (because nothing screams "Xmas party time!" more than a shirtless Jordan Knight ...ho ho freakin' ho, y'all).

Ok...well, look at that: it's not even 11am on a Sunday, and this may be the earliest I've ever written and completed a Sunday blog entry before. First time for everything, right? And that leaves me with plenty of time to grab some last-minute snacks for the Bills-Eagles game this afternoon (go Bills!)...I'll be doing my usual live-Tweeting nonsense (@fivesixer) if you like watching people make semi-asses of themselves on social media, and during commercial breaks I'll be plotting my bastardization of tomorrow's Christmas Carol Spam, "O Come All Ye Faithful Spamful". All you über-political types worried about some right-wing media-hyped War On Christmas are missing the point...the real battle is being waged by the Hall-Wreckin' Xmas Spammers, and I suggest that no matter what side you're on or what you do or do not celebrate you support our troops in the tin trenches strugglin' to provide the world's freedom to write bad parodies of holiday classics. Or somethin'. Peace, the cattle are lowing, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!