The Undiscovered Country

In Silence

When someone in our life experiences a devastating loss, whether it be a parent, a spouse or child, the rest of us are at a loss as to what to do or say.

We so desperately want to sooth their pain, if not take it away completely. We are lost, because there is literally nothing we can do.

So the best course of action is to do nothing.

Now that may seem almost cruel, doesn't it?

Let me explain. Or more accurately, let the Bible explain.

It starts after Job had lost all of his children (Job 2:11-13).

When three of Job’s friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him. Their names were Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. When they saw Job from a distance, they scarcely recognized him. Wailing loudly, they tore their robes and threw dust into the air over their heads to show their grief. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.

Job's friends remained silent until Job spoke first. That's how people helped others grieve back in those days. They understood that no words were required. In fact, in verse 10, Job rebuked his wife for trying to "help" with mere platitudes. Her words did not help.

Looking back at when my parents passed away, I don't remember any words people said. I do remember those who surrounded me during such a difficult time, though.

That they were there was enough. It didn't take away the pain, but knowing I wasn't alone gave me the hope and confidence that I would get through it.

Granted, there are many times we can't be there in person, but telling them we're there in spirit with our thoughts and prayers, and offer to give them anything they need is also helpful.

In the end that's all we can do.

Be there. In silence.