Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about sex.

"'Sex almost always disappoints me in novels. Everything can be said or done now, and that's what I find... a feeling of generality or dispersal. In my opinion, true sex is so particular or peculiar, that it is yearned for. I believe that is what makes the desire between two people so unique and specific.' -Elizabeth Benedict. Do you agree or disagree with Ms. Benedict? Do you write about sex in your own writing pieces? Does your own experience come to life on the page or do you find yourself following what others have done?"

You guys! It's been nearly two months since I've written a legit entry in this collection! How does that happen? It's not like I've been sitting on my ass; I started "Soundtracked"  for different music challenges, and I threw my hat in the fray for "Give It 100!"  with "100"  (where I plan on writing a poem a day for 100 days). And then there's the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  and judging January's entries, while overseeing our February 50/50 fundraiser and raffle (have you seen the packages up for grabs each week in "The 30DBC Mega-Raffle Extravaganza!" ?? ). And let's not forget reviewing...I've tried to do that a lot more, because it's kinda embarrassing that I've been a WDC member for almost 15 years and have less than 500 reviews to my name. So I've been occupied.

I saw this prompt last night from Lyn's a Witchy Woman and before I could even process it fully she IM'd me about it...and while I managed to compliment her on it, she snuck in a "Maybe you'll even blog..." comment. Well-deserved . I probably should've been writing entries all month.

And I think this prompt in particular is daring, to be honest. It's not something I would come up with during a normal 30DBC run. It's a bit racy; it's definitely on the blue side. There are sure to be some interesting responses. Props to Lyn for challenging this month's participants.

Now, I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination. I like sex. I've almost always enjoyed it. Recreationally and emotionally. But I don't read about it...at least not on purpose. I'm just not crazy about it. I can watch sex no problem (don't tell me you've never seen porn, because you're probably lying ). But reading it? It's not the same, and I'm having trouble trying to justify why that is. If anything, if you enjoy intercourse, and literature, it would make sense to have the scenes laid out for you so you can build them in your head visually...as opposed to having the work done for you by actors on a screen.

Maybe it's how I feel about intimacy. The passion you experience with another person is so much more personal...words to me often fail to do it justice. You know it when you feel it. Reading about it just seems...uncomfortable. Like I'm getting a glimpse of two peoples' private moments. At least with porn you know they're getting paid for it. In a novel, you're seeing something you know might not otherwise come up in ordinary conversations with these characters. At least, that's pretty much how I see it.

And writing about sex? I can put myself in many different situations I have zero experience with and manage to come up with something I can sorta relate to, but not sex. I don't know why. It's like breaking down the fourth wall almost. Maybe it's the one thing that I want to see that stays between the people I'm sharing it with, like an emotional curtain that needs to remain shut. That's not to say it's a taboo topic; it's just not for everyone, and I'm not sure I could write about it in a way that does it justice or doesn't sound like it's forced or contrived.

That's where I side with the author of the quote. While sexual possibilities are endless (Cosmopolitan magazine has pretty much based their entire circulation around the notion, it seems), I think there's only so much that can be said about it that is fresh and unique. Maybe this will change as time goes on; maybe someone will perfect the craft of explaining the acts performed in such as way that preserves the sensuality and togetherness only experienced between partners. I know if I tried to do that, it would probably sound more like something from Penthouse Letters crossed with locker room exaggerations and youthful overexuberance . And I don't see how anyone could benefit from that.

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure I know how to discuss personal feelings and relationships of a sexual nature in an open, public forum. On a private basis with someone I trust or love or even just having a casual physical affair with, sure. But to put it all out there, unprovoked? Why would anyone be interested in that? Maybe a long time ago I would've been more forthcoming. There was definitely a period of wild promiscuity that I'm not exactly proud of...the kind that makes you realize there's more to sex than random fucking; that people have feelings too, and that there is often a connection between sex and romance and love and stuff. Everyone's got to be on the same page, or hearts get broken and life becomes messy for all parties. These days I'd rather have the emotional connection first...it makes everything else that follows more rewarding and satisfying.

"Oh, why can't I be making love come true?"
Lyrics.  

Quick thought on the biggest football game of the year, Super Bowl 50: I'm not really rootin' for either team. I'd rather see a good, close, down-to-the-wire finish. If Peyton Manning is gonna retire, I'd like to see him go out on top...but Carolina is a better overall team than Denver. If the Broncos' defense can keep the Panthers in check, they'll have a good shot at winning. But I'm just not sure. Regardless of the outcome, I know I'll feel a little anticlimactic when all is said and done, because that means no more meaningful football for me until September.

Well, I've done about enough writing today. A poem, a Soundtrackers entry, and a blog entry. I've caught myself up in places where I wanted to catch up otherwise. The rest of the day will be spent with a last-minute trip to the store for snacks, reading a few more entries here and there from the other Soundtrackers and 30DBC participants, and killing time before the game. Peace, I can't say no, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!