The Treatment Program of Absurdity: 1

Asperger’s Appreciation

In late July 2011, the HHM average in the guys’ core house was 68%. Everyone cleaned up their rooms and after themselves; but there was one student who refused to do anything: Han Anderson. Han would leave his food out; leave “used” toilet paper on the seat; urinate on the toilet seat, without lifting it up; throw his trash on the floor; lie on the furniture, after having not bathed in a week; spill buffalo wings on the carpet; never did his own laundry; one time, Han became full when he was done eating 3/14 of a jar of applesauce, in which he threw against the wall, since it was quicker than throwing it in the garbage can.
On July 30th, 2011, there was a house group to discuss the issue. Han, who had been told to attend since he was the culprit, blatantly refused. Dr. Butler turned to Han and exclaimed, “DO YOU WANT TO GO TO WILDERNESS?” Earlier that morning, Han had his family therapy phone-call, with Dr. Butler facilitating it; Dr. Butler told Han that if he failed to meet 80% of the program requirements in any given week, he would be sent to wilderness.
At 1:00 P.M. that afternoon, there was the weekly seminar, which that week, was supposed to be on empathy. Han showed up 15 minutes late, which caused Dr. Butler to become disgruntled. While Dr. Poole, who was hosting the seminar, was talking about the different methods of empathy, Han interrupted the seminar.
“Speaking of empathy, I wish people would be more empathetic towards my Asperger’s.”
“Oh my god!”
“What the f***?”
“Why did I have to be sent here?”
“Seriously!”
“SERIOUSLY, I am tired of being heavily discriminated against because of my Asperger’s.”
“Han, is this really the right time to address the issue?”
“Well, people need to stop bullying me for my Asperger’s. They need to be more appreciative towards my disability.”
“Han, this isn’t the right time to discuss the matter; tomorrow, if you want, we can discuss it in my office.”
“Han, please shut up?”
“Well, today at house meeting, everyone was bullying me for having Asperger’s. And I think that people need to understand Asperger’s better, so they will stop bullying me. If they have a day of silence for gays, can’t they have a day of silence of people, like myself, with Asperger’s.”
“HAN, SHUT UP.”
“Han, be quiet.”
“Ya, shut up.”
“I really don’t want to go back to the house tonight.”
“Dr. Pierce, may I have a smoke break?”
“No, but Han, look at the effect you are having on this community.”
“People wouldn’t have to deal with this, if they would stop being such f***ing bigots who discriminate against those with Asperger’s syndrome.”
We all began cracking up.
“Why are you guys laughing?”
“Because, Han, you are making a buffoon of yourself.”
“Wow, and to think I didn’t want to come today.”
“HAN, people don’t really seem to care about Asperger’s right now.”
“Han, I have Asperger’s, and they don’t give me crap.”
“I just want the respect that the Individuals with Disability Education Act entitles me to.”
“Han, if you stop being a selfish brat and make everything about yourself, like you are doing right now, then maybe you wouldn’t get the f***ing s*** that you get.”
“Tory, why is it you lack the mental capacity to conceive Asperger’s?”
“Han, one more word, and you are out of here.”
“Look at the effect that you are having on the community.”
“May I leave, I have better things to do with my life than sitting around, listening to this bulls***.”
“No, but Han is going to shut up.”
“Once I get respect.”
“HAN!”
“Well, the bigots in core house discriminate against me for not showering; they discriminate against me for not cleaning up; they discriminate against me for playing video games all day; they also discriminate against me for when I…..”
“Ok, enough, leave!”
“No!”
“Han, leave now!”
“No!”
“HAN, GET YOUR f***ING ASS OUT OF HERE. HARRY JOHNSON, STOP RECORDING THIS; GIVE ME YOUR IPHONE, SO I CAN DELETE ALL OF IT.”
“HAN, WHAT YALL DOING IS GOING TO CAUSE PEOPLE TO GIVE YOU MORE CRAP THAN THEY ALREADY DO.”
“Han, it isn’t that I don’t care about what you have to say; it is just that I need to host this seminar.“
“This is more important that your stupid seminar.”
“Wow Han, I didn’t know you could be this retarded.”
“HAN, GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE.”
“I would much rather sit through a real Asperger’s acceptance seminar than having to sit through this Han appreciation seminar.”
“John, were your parents too busy drinking to be able to teach you how to respect people with Asperger’s?”
“Say that again to my face, you autistic piece of s***.”
“HAN, LEAVE NOW, OR I WILL CALL THE POLICE.”
“WHATEVER!!!! WHY IS IT YOU CAN’T ALL ACCEPT MY AUTISM, LIKE YOU ACCEPT SAMANTHA’S ‘GENDER?’”
In order to understand Han’s behavior, we need to understand why he was originally diagnosed with Asperger’s. In March 1997, when Han was three, he had a little incident. There was a girl in his pre-school, Carrie Levi, whom Han had a brawl with. Carrie was monopolizing the computer, in which Han wanted a turn with. When Carrie refused to share the computer, Han grabbed her, and he began to strangle her, in which she would have died if a teacher hadn’t restrained him. Carrie’s parents wanted Han to be sent to an institution, but a provision in the Individuals With Disability’s Education Act gave children with Asperger’s special legal protection. Han’s parents sent him to a psychologist, who was able to find many of the symptoms that pertained to Asperger’s, and he gave Han the diagnosis, thus he could never be institutionalized.
At 4:00 P.M., just two hours after everyone was dismissed from the seminar, Luke and I bumped into each other in the Polly House garden. The two of us commenced in a conversation that was pertinent to the seminar that had just occurred.
“Luke, don’t you think that the seminar today was retarded.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
“I wonder if Han was intentionally being grate, or if he really is this stupid.”
“It is clearly the latter, since Han isn’t intelligent enough to understand how angry he is making people.”
“Han doesn’t get how lucky he is to be here, because he would be dead if he were in college.”
“You know, everyone who has ever had Han as a roommate, switched as soon as the single becomes availably: this includes Harry Fare, Samantha and myself.”
“Normally I hate depressive endings to stories, but if this ends with Han being sent to wilderness, I could live with that.”
“You hate depressive movie endings? Even the ending to the movie based on Han?”
“What movie is that?”
“Rain Man!”
“Luke, don’t insult Rain Man like that; I would take Rain Man to a casino any day, and I would rather kill myself than be seen in a casino with Han.”
“Ok, but let’s get back to what I said before: you don’t like depressing endings?”
“The one ending that I thought was despairing beyond belief was the ending to Titanic.”
“Are you serious?”
“Of course!”
“Wow!”
“She had a billion-dollar diamond, which she could have sold, but she decided to waste the resource by throwing it into the Atlantic.”
“Wow! You are not an emotional pussy after all; you are merely a materialistic pussy.”
“There are plenty of movies where I feel that a happier ending would have created a better moral. Take Scarface for instance; if Tony had managed to escape his mansion, and kill Sosa, that would have made a happier ending. How is a man getting killed from stopping an assassin from murdering two children a good ending?”
“The point of the movie was that he had to die because he didn’t fit in anywhere in the world.”
“I still prefer movies with happier endings, with good morals. Disney movies have some of the most influential morals. The Little Mermaid taught me that if I were an attractive girl and I need to get a guy to kiss me, I should just pull down his pants and give him a handjob, so he will make out with me in the process. Beauty and the Beast taught me that I can kidnap a beautiful girl’s father and allow him to nearly freeze to death; kidnap and her force her to be my prisoner for life; and brutally assault her for touching my rose without permission, and she will still fall in love with me. Bambi taught me that hunting is a fun sport. Mulan taught me that not all transgenders are losers. Pocahontas taught me that the Native Americans should appreciate us, since everything worked out well for them after our arrival. Dumbo taught me that even if you look like an absolute f***ing freak, you can always do well in the circus. The Hunchback of Notre Dame taught me that ugly people never get pussy.”
“Maybe Disney should hire you.”
“I feel very often that depressing endings ruin movies. I’m fine with depressing endings when they have strong themes; Rebel Without a Cause taught not to run towards a police officer with a gun; even though I hated it, Gone With The Wind taught not to be a whiny bitch and that people in the 1930s were sensitive about words; Dial M For Murder taught one that if you always need to thoroughly plan having your wife murdered; Cool Hand Luke taught me not to steal parking meters; and American History X taught me to never blow smoke in somebody’s face.