Soundtracked

No Sex (In The Champagne Room)

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Today's theme: Comedy!

Woo hoo! So now I can go back to being my normal, sorta odd, randomly funny self? This is, like, almost the best day ever! The weird thing is that I don't really have a whole lot of "funny" songs in my arsenal. Oh, I've got comedians in my library. And they used to be funny. But maybe it's me...maybe I've grown bored with them. And when bands try to be funny sometimes it comes off as insincere, or sarcastic, or no one else is in on the joke. And so much humor is topical nowadays. It has a shelf life, and it's not very long. That's probably half the reason why I don't go back and reread some of my old blog entries anymore...whatever was soooooo funny five or two years ago either isn't now, or it's sadly true (look at how so many of us thought Donald Trump wouldn't be taken seriously as a presidential candidate six months ago).

Plus, we're shifting gears from a really emotional week to this now. It's taken more out of me than I realized, and the transition doesn't feel smooth. I'm seriously not used to writing blog entries like I was doing last week. It's not my style. Like, I was nominated for a Quill Award for comedy one year! I was funny!! Case in point: what was considered funny in the past isn't always what it is now.

Anyway, I'll give this "humor" thing a shot. It's a Leap Year day anyway, so it's ok to go off script and do stupid shit today...ain't like it's gonna show up next year or the year after like on the Timehop app or in your Facebook Memories, right? And four years from now, when whatever you posted up there does show up as your Feb. 29th memory, you can just shrug it off like you don't remember, or be like "That's my old self ".

So, to the surprise of no one, I didn't watch the Oscars last night. Not because I'm boycotting because #OscarsTooWhite or #NotInvited or some other social justice/injustice/butthurtery cause or whatever; I just didn't care. I didn't care so much that I actually tried going to bed at an hour that was way early even for my old man sensibilities. Of course, that's all relative, because the time I ingest my nighttime pharmaceutical cocktail for sleep purposes and the time I actually fall asleep vary wildly. I probably could've made it through most of the entire "ceremony"; instead I read emails I've yet to respond to during commercial breaks in the Hannibal Burress stand-up special   I decided to watch for like the fifth time because I can't remember if I've watched it before until about three bits in and then I'm like "Ohhhh yeah...I have seen this, but I'm too lazy to find something else to take me to that magical dreamworld of sleep".

And because I'm a wizard when it comes to finding things on the internet like it's 1995 again, I was all like "I'll catch Chris Rock's opening monologue in the morning, when I'll care a little more". Because that's what I really wanted to see of the Oscars. The funniest dude from 2002 still makin' jokes about entitled while people, all over again. And I woke up this morning, and I still didn't care. I checked Facebook and Twitter and even my non-WDC emails and made coffee and even went to the store somewhere before noon, which is absolutely unheard of for me but I was out of coffee creamer...that's how much I didn't care. Going out in public came before something I wanted to see online. And once I was settled and out of things to kill time with but before getting into the things I really needed/wanted to do, I broke down and read a transcript of his monologue  .

It wasn't that funny.

I mean, it served a purpose. It was alright. It wasn't Dave Chappelle in his prime funny either, which would've been perfect for the occasion in my opinion. But I'm glad I didn't go out of my way to watch it. Not last night, not this morning, not now. I probably could've written a better monologue...but I'm also not part of the establishment, nor am I a sect of that same establishment that has been marginalized (and by "establishment" I mean "Hollywood-famous", but I'm assuming you knew that). So I could've taken my shots and emptied my chamber because I'm never gonna work in Hollywood anyway, so screw you guys! and all that. I probably would've made DiCaprio jokes about never letting his trophy go and him drawing it like a French girl or some other nonsense, and tossing in some wildly inappropriate racially insensitive remarks about Trump controlling the Academy and him being down with the KKK. It woulda been a good time. But I wasn't invited, and I didn't care, so I didn't watch, because burn, Hollywood, burn   and that's not me  .

So anyway, in between following the NHL's trade deadline chatter (my favorite day of the year...it is, mind you), I was trying to think of funny songs. I wanted to use something from the Bloodhound Gang, because they're consistently attempting to be funny (notice I didn't say they actually are funny...because even though I might think they are, most of you will not, and I'm playing to the crowd today more than just myself). The problem with them is I've used a couple of their songs so many times and I wanted to use something different, but I couldn't get this track   unstuck from my head for awhile and it's too inappropriate for me to want it associated with my fair name during "The Soundtrack of Your Life"  this month.

And then my analytical mind went to work and somehow I decided this song would be better because it's funny even though it also has to sorta do with strippers even if there is also life advice in it...it's like an educational song! And it's the censored version, so you can listen along to it at work or in the car with the kids or during Bingo games with grandma...it's all good! See how I look out for you guys? Reaching the masses and informing them with quality humor from a decade and a half ago. Pop culture references I barely remember! And cornbread! Ain't nothin' wrong with that!

"If a woman tells you she's 20 and looks 16...she's 12.
If she tells you she's 26, and looks 26...she's damn near 40."
Lyrics.  

Dude...it's been an awesome month. I got to meet some amazing people, get reacquainted with some old friends, and listen to a buncha sweet-ass sweet tunes. It's my favorite WDC event of all-time every year, no bullshit...and it keeps getting bigger and better. Thanks for the opportunity to share all this stuff, lizco252...and thank you, everyone else, for reading it. Now, if you don't mind, I think I'll spend the rest of the night prepping for March's Official run of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS"  and chillin' to the relaxing dulcet tones of the Bloodhound Gang. Hooray!