Non-Humans R Us Newsletters

Western Type Stories

Most of us have read or watched Western books and movies. The typical setting is somewhere in a dusty Texas cattle-town, or perhaps in a snowy North Dakota mining community. There might be Native Americans, outlaws, cattlemen, railroad workers, a saloon, a church, a school, and of course, Madam Ohres’ House. There will typically be a sheriff, or a lawman of some sort, who is challenged by an outlaw. Usually the Lawman is the Good Guy, fighting the Evil Outlaw, but every so often, the Lawman is evil and corrupt, and the Outlaw is more Noble compared to him, or is out to avenge a wrong done to an Innocent by the Lawman.

Eventually, the Big Scene comes. Outlaw faces Lawman. Both have their hands just inches from the handles of their guns. Dramatic music plays, that is until both of them pull out their guns and shoot the speakers that are currently playing said music, and then re-holster their weapons! The two then stare back at the other, and then, as the Clock Tower Strikes Twelve, both pull out their weapons, and the lead starts flying! Townsfolk scatter. The Outlaw’s fellow gang members duke it out with the Lawman’s deputies. Townsfolk assist the Hero, or Anti-Hero if the Outlaws are the more Noble of the two sides. Deputies/Gang Members fall to their deaths.

Then, comes the Moment, where the main Lawman and the main Outlaw face each other. The Lawman calls for the Outlaw to Surrender. The Outlaw tells the Lawman to Go to Hell. The two pull their guns, and fire! Then, the pair stair at each other, and watch, as oil starts coming out of the Lawman, and green blood comes out of the Outlaw.

Wait – oil and green blood? What the hell is this? The Twilight Zone? Well, that is indeed a possibility, or perhaps even the Outer Limits, as both of those, including the New Versions would deal in something called Weird Westerns. These, along with Space Westerns, Cattle Punk, New Old Westerns, the Wild West, of course, shall be the main focus of this Newsletter.

The Wild West brings to mind stories of pioneers making their way across the United States, moving across the mighty Mississippi River, heading towards California, especially during the days of the Gold Rush. As it is, the location of the Western story usually takes place West of the Mississippi – Mexico, Western parts of the United States, (Texas, Wyoming, California, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, the Dakotas, just to name a few), Western Canada, to say nothing about Alaska. Stories about the Alamo and those fighting for Texas Independence occur. Then there’s the stories involving cattle drives, especially after the Civil War. Then there’s the stories involving conflicts with Indians/Native Americans and outlaws. The weapons carried by Lawmen and Outlaw alike were Colt Revolvers and Winchester Rifles, or something like them. The favorite drink was whisky, and the men had to be polite to the ladies, even when they were on the wrong side of the law, as one never knew when they might want to snuggle up with a warm body, instead of being alone on an empty cot. Then, there’s the stories about how gunmen, outlaws, cattlemen, and all of their contemporaries finding themselves being put out of work, as the technology of the 20th century becomes more commonplace, with automobiles replacing horses, telephones carrying messages, and people becoming more civilized, in general. Actors, like John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Tom Selleck, Henry Fonda, and others like them tend to show up in movies involving this genre.

Space Western are of the Sci–Fi variety. They might be set on Earth, during the Age of the Wild West, and involve aliens, like the 2011 movie Cowboys and Aliens, or its Asylum knockoff High Plains Invaders, though that might have been a knockoff of the comic, and not the movie, as H.P.I. came out in 2009, while C.a.A. came out in 2011. Others are set on other planets, which may look like a Western setting, lots of deserts and the like, with various aliens standing in for Ethnic Minorities. Of course, some merely borrow the Western themes, like Outlander, starring Sean Connery as a Marshal on a Space Station near one of Jupiter’s moons.

Cattle Punk, that’s a Western/Steampunk mix. The movie Wild Wild West, with Will Smith and Kevin Kline, would qualify as this, due in part to the inventions made by Kevin Kline’s Artemus Gordon, and the villain, Dr. Loveless, as played by Kenneth Branagh. If you’ve seen the giant tarantula in it, you’d immediately realize why it’s here. The Jonah Hex movie also qualifies here as well, especially given the nature of the villain’s Superweapon – a giant 5-barrel super-cannon, which can destroy cities with the power of an earthquake. The Video Game Damnation is set in a world where the American Civil War dragged on for several decades, an a powerful weapons company took advantage of the situation – and it’s up to a small group of resistance fighters to take the country back – and to be honest, everything is basically steam powered – airships, robots, motorcycles, weapons even. Basically, in a Cattle Punk-type story, you’ve got an Alternative 19th Century with 20th Century-type stuff, just made to look like it belongs in the 19th century, set in the West.

New Old West, now there’s an interesting take. Basically, take most of the motifs from your typical western, and set them in a more Modern Setting, or even Futuristic setting, especially if said setting is Post-Apocalypse. Let’s take the movie Last Stand, staring everyone’s favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger as a Sheriff in a small town just north of the Mexican border, and he’s got to stop a very dangerous criminal from passing through. Aided by only a handful of deputies/deputized citizens, and armed with weapons that were obsolete fifty years prior – actually, they were obsolete even then – he faces a group of highly dangerous criminals who are armed with Modern weaponry, and outnumber him at least three to one. At one point, armed with nothing more than a revolver, he faces the head henchman, who is also armed with a revolver. Of course, Post-Apocalypse movies, like the Mad Max movies, also have a lot of Western themes – a lone gunman, who may, or may not, be a lawman of some sort, comes across a town being terrorized by a group of bandits, and manages to fight these criminals, inspiring the townsfolk to fight back as well. This is the case in Steel Frontier, set after WW3, and it’s basically a remake of Clint Eastwood’s A Fistful of Dollars. Then there are times the Western themes aren’t so obvious, unless you know what you’re looking at. For instance, the movie Four Brothers, a movie set in Modern Detroit, is basically a remake of the Western Sons of Katie Elder – four brothers come home after their mother’s death, most having less than stellar reputations, find out that their one parent was murdered, and thus seek justice, engaging in a battle with a very dangerous criminal, who is well respected. Sometimes you have a genuine Cowboy, or some such thing, from the Old West, who finds himself in the Modern day, and must now learn how to adjust to this new era, like Pamela Simpson’s Partners in Time.

Then there’s Foreign Westerns, or at least that’s what I call them. The time period is of the same time period, there are cowboys, outlaws, lawmen, and the like, but it’s not set in the Old West. No, it’s set in places like Australia, certain parts of Europe, like the area that many Spaghetti Westerns are filmed at in Spain, the Middle East, parts of Asia, and Africa, or, basically, areas where the Traditional way of life is clashing with the Modern way of life. Quigley Down Under is one such film, set in Australia, involving a sharpshooter, from Wyoming, who is hired to hunt down, and kill, “wild animals”, only to find out that he was hired to kill the Aborigines, an idea he’s very much against, and is forced to fight the man that hired him.

There’s even Parody Westerns, like Blazing Saddles, which make fun of the various Western Elements. Some poke fun at daily living – showing it to be highly messy and disgusting. Some poke fun at the gunslingers, like having them whip out a Big Gun, that only shoots out a flag that says “Bang!”. You have them poke fun at Law and Order, making both outlaws and lawmen as dumb as rocks, in that they sit at a table together, and neither realizes that the other person is the guy they’re after/trying to avoid. Or, they might, intentionally, throw in Modern things, or do something out of the Loony Tunes. In short, the main purpose of such movies and stories is to make people laugh. That being said, they’ll even do things regular Westerns are afraid to do – for instance, in Blazing Saddles, they addressed the issue of racism, by having a black man, who is the sheriff, be the Hero, and have him deal with the fact that the townsfolk don’t like him, because of the color of his skin.

Finally, there’s the Weird Western. These are typically set in the Old West, but include elements of the Supernatural, Horror, and even certain Science Fiction elements. For instance, the 2008 Sci-Fi Channel film Copperhead involves a town trying to defend itself from mutant venomous snakes. Then there’s Tremors 4 – if you’ve seen Tremors 1-3, and the TV series, it involves certain giant underground man-eating worms – and acts as a prequel to the first 3 movies, and the TV series, to say nothing about number 5, which is set after the TV series, but number 4 is set in 1889, a hundred years before the first movie, and has the local residents, including a certain gun-enthusiast’s city-slicker-type great-grandfather, played by the same actor of course. Sometimes the undead, in terms of zombies, like in Red Dead Redemption Undead Nightmare, or vampires, like in Darkwatch, show up. In Dead in Tombstone, an outlaw, betrayed by his partners, is sent to Hell, where he makes a deal with the Devil – his soul for those of his back-stabbing partners – and the Devil gives him 24 hours to kill his former partners. In the movie Purgatory, a group of outlaws finds themselves in a peaceful town, which turns out to be full of famous outlaws, gunslingers, and lawmen, among others, who are trying to repent for their misdeeds, and they fear that protecting themselves could land them in Hell, and it’s up to one gang member, who has seen the error of his ways, to inspire them to protect their town. In some of Clint Eastwood’s movies, where he portrays a Man with No Name, specifically High Plains Drifter and Pale Rider, he’s some sort of avenging spirit come to right that which is wrong. In short, you have a Western Story combined with a Horror Story, or some such thing.

Well partners, that’s it for this round up. Time to pour sand in the fire, saddle up the horse, check to make sure the revolver is holstered in a safe manner, by making sure that the hammer will fall on an empty chamber, and make sure that the rifle or scattergun is in its scabbard. After that, ride off into the sunset. So long. Yee Haw!