Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am

This one's about selfies, pets, and random notes.

"Does taking selfies show narcissism? What about taking selfies with animals, especially wild animals, and disturbing their peace?"

What's up you guys? Thought I'd drop in and say hi and leave a few opinions on some interesting topics today (seeing as how it's been awhile since I've done so ). Lots to cover, so let's have at it...

Regarding selfies, I feel like I hear it compared to a form of narcissism quite often. And maybe it is, and if so, I'm kinda ok with it actually...there are so many other kinds of more lethal narcissistic behaviors present in society that for the most part, a couple selfies every now and then isn't gonna break the moral bank.

And who doesn't like a good dumb selfie, really? Spend five minutes doing random internet shit and you're bound to come across someone trying to be sexy   and failing miserably, or just the flat-out awkwardly-timed mishap  . Maybe I'm a narcissist because I enjoy certain elements of societal failure. I'll ride that train all day .

I'll admit, I've taken a fair share of selfies. I don't think I've taken an obnoxious amount of them; I'm not the kinda brotha who's gotta photograph myself at every meal or everywhere I go, but I like to keep the current look up-to-date every so often...and it's funny I say that, because I actually just changed my Facebook profile pic to a non-selfie...so what if it's of a puppet and I have a photo fetish of puppets that kinda look like me? Maybe that's a minor form of narcissism I should be discussing with my therapist . But seriously, the last selfie I took was back in...April? So a few months ago. And it looks bad because I've been trying to grow my hair back out, and I had jury duty that day so I left the house without a hat on for what felt like the first time in maybe 20 years (no joke). And it's kinda fuzzy-lookin' 'cuz it was shot in "Beauty Mode" on my tablet, which is the dumbest name for pointing a front-facing camera at yourself just so you can take a friggin' picture of you looking at your electronic device. Maybe it's not the people who are narcissistic, but the technology. Did you ever think of that?

#nonewselfies2016

I always worry whenever I take a new selfie that I've taken too many of them, and that everyone else has seen the same articles and studies claiming that taking selfies makes you narcissistic, and someone's gonna call me out on my self-promoting nonsense. I tell myself every damn time I post a new one that it'll be my last, and I am compelled to hashtag each one with #nonewselfies because I don't wanna be ridiculous. Sorry if you happen to be that person who changes their profile pic daily; not sorry you're obnoxious and petty about keeping your look fresh and up-to-the-minute. Surprisingly few people care (my unprofessionally-funded personal study ).

And selfies with animals? Good luck! Are you shittin' me? Ok, there are two classes of this: Pets, and Assholes. Try and keep up with me here as I differentiate.

People love their pets; of that I am sure of. It is fairly common to want to be seen in photographs with your beloved companion. There is nothing wrong with that, and dare I say it is often...what's it called? "Cute"? Something like that. And it's occasionally funny if the animal isn't being especially cooperative and is basically feeling repelled by your fancy technology. Verdict:

But dammit, if you're one of those people who goes to the zoo and tries to be all coy taking a selfie while there are monkeys humpin' rocks behind you...or worse yet, some kind of big-game hunter who kills an endangered animal just so you can hang it on your wall and think you're a badass for holding its dead head up with one hand and your smartphone in the other hand, fuck you. Sorry for being so brash, but you're an asshole, and the world needs less people like you. Verdict:

Ok, well, maybe animals in nature is ok, but not in captivity, and definitely not if you have to disturb them in any fashion. If you're disruptive and think you can pose a creature like some kind of hairy supermodel, you deserve getting your face chomped on. And you better be postin' that shit all over your social media, so we can all mock you for being the dumbass you are. Isn't there some kind of old saying that goes "Mess with the bull, you'll get the horns"? Awww yeah, there is!  

TL; DR: Selfies only make you narcissistic if you take a shit-ton of them and frequently post them, especially if you're doing stupid, banal shit like eating or defecating. And you suck at life if you think you need to use animals as props.

"There are always weird stories about people and their pets sneaking into the media. What do you think...can a pet really keep you hostage? Share with us a crazy experience you've had with a pet."

I love the reference link Lyn's a Witchy Woman tacked on to this prompt, about a couple who called 911 because their pet was holding them hostage  . This is reason #8,371 why humanity is doomed, and sooner rather than later.

Like I stated in the "Blog City ~ Every Blogger's Paradise"  prompt up above, people love their pets. I get it. Although I have at various times lived with different animals, I've never had one that I could consider my own. Therefore, my opinions are shaded by my experience with other peoples' pets, and I would say the majority of those experiences aren't positive. It's not that I hate animals or have some sort of vendetta against them; that's not the case at all. I just...haven't been lucky or met the right ones, I guess (wow...that sounds more like a Tinder profile than a conversation about pets ).

But first, let's talk about this MSN article. In my opinion there is no way in hell a cat should hold two human beings hostage. None. Unless that cat is a tiger, and the two human beings are bedridden, unarmed, and living without electricity. I don't get it! Did the cat have a boxcutter? Was it also a ninja? Was it a tiny person methed up in a cat costume?

I mean, ok, I guess the people did the right thing in a roundabout way by having the cat humanely removed from the situation (you don't call 911 for that, but let's not split hairs). I almost wanna hear the 911 call for more context , because I want to know just how sorry I should feel for these people, and if it should be a legit sorry, or a fuck you, you're an idiot sorry (yes, there's a difference). Like, if they're elderly and scared and the animal was outside for prolonged periods of time and was possibly rabid? That's some scary shit. But if you're backed up against a wall 'cuz Fluffy's bein' a little bit hissy? Maybe you deserve to have the pet taken away from you, as well as your rights to reproduce. Or just distract it with, I dunno...anything?? It's not hard to disrupt the focus of an animal for a brief enough moment that allows you to flee and regain the upper hand in the situation (besides the fact that, you know, you probably weigh 5-10x more than the cat, but if you need me to math you up like that because a cat is holding you hostage, you're also not smart enough to be reading this in the first place ).

Now, I've had a few kinda crazy experiences with other peoples' pets. I had a roommate when I first moved in to 542 a long time ago, and his sister was one of those big animal-savior types or whatever they're called. Like, if you need to adopt an animal ASAP, you call her. So with almost little discussion (I don't remember; this was like 15+ years ago), he decides he's gonna get a cat. Never mind that I'm very slightly allergic to them, or paranoid of them when I'm sleeping that they're rubbing their little cat asses on my face because they turn into seven-foot hostage takers once they crawl into a bed occupied by a human...I come home from work one day and BOOM! Cat!

And it came to him with a dumb name too, like Priest or Pastor or something religical. My roommate thought he'd badass it up by rechristening him after some classic rock hero...I don't even remember who. It was either Jimi Hendrix or Led Zeppelin, and either way it wasn't a whole hell of a lot better.

So one day he's at work and I've got the day off, and we're bullshittin' over AOL Instant Messenger (that's how far back this story goes ) about where we're gonna go get shitfaced that night, and I decide I'm gonna take a shower. I finish up, get dressed, and notice the screen door is flappin' in the breeze...I didn't realize it hadn't shut all the way. After a few minutes, I have determined I don't see the cat around anywhere. I assume he bolted, because why not? I'd flee from living with me too if I could . I do some basic searching around the house and backyard, assume he's either gone or in the basement (which was huge and expansive and dark), or just wily enough that wherever he is, I'm just not and vice versa. I've never been in this situation before, where I've lost a living thing. Didn't really know what to do, so I did what I do best: nothing.

Jumped back on AIM because yay computers! and was chattin' up his sister a li'l because I'm a scumbag like that and I let it slip that I think the cat escaped...she offered to come over and help me look for him, which played into my hands nicely because looking for the cat wasn't my first priority as a scumbag like that. And somehow, whether it was me IM'ing him or his sister telling him, the roommate found out that the cat may have been missing. Here's where I tell you how much of a panicky mama's boy ol' Double-Barrel Darryl was, and how even though he worked about a half-hour away and wasn't due home for a few hours, left work in tears and made it home in probably 15 minutes, presumably to form a ginormous search party and hang up "Missing Cat" flyers on every telephone pole along with the He-Man Women Haters Club   and the Get Along Gang  . Him calling me and admonishing me with "You gotta go out there and find him!" through tears may have been the saddest and most awkward thing I've ever heard from an adult while simultaneously making me sound like the most evil, heartless bastard ever. All for a cat I'm pretty sure lived with us for less than a month.

So right around the time the slender ginger sister shows up, I've taken a fourth look in my closet...and there I see the glowing eyes. And finally the little monster meowed at me. If he'd been in my closet the entire time, I'd had no idea...it was one of those double-sliding door closets, and I always kept one side open because I think the doors were off-track or something, and there was hardly ever any need for me to get anything from the other side, so I glanced quickly a few times and moved along. Ginger sister is a combination of relieved and happy to see me in a situation where we're alone, and then Double-Barrel bursts in like some sort of reverse Ghostbuster ready to prowl the neighborhood because he can't bear to have his kitty fall in with the wrong crowd of strays littering our neighborhood. All heart, that guy. And I'm a bad friend. He was a wreck about it for a few days, and wouldn't let it go with me for awhile. The cat seriously didn't even get out! He was in the house the whole time! He would've come out to eat or poop eventually! He wasn't one of those shy, scared cats that hides in the presence of people. He was just exploring I guess, because I usually kept my bedroom door shut specifically so he wouldn't get in my room.

I have bad, bad luck in situations like that. I'm just not good with animals. It's not that I'm irresponsible, but as careful as I am sometimes, things still happen and I'm at fault regardless. There should be a fence around me .

Please enjoy this fine selection of indie hip hop centered around an adorable tribute to a cat who was brought home on the recommendation of Aesop Rock's doctor, starring a puppet version of Aes wearing a NY Mets tracksuit jacket (that the narcissist in me made his new Facebook profile pic ) and a cat named Dana because Kirby wanted too much money to play herself on camera. (Fun Fact: Dana was eventually adopted and given a loving forever home .) (Fun Fact #2: Aesop Rock has one of the best Twitter handles ever, @AesopRockWins.) (Fun Fact #3: I spent roughly three weeks one summer selling Kirby vacuum cleaners, and quit because I had a panic attack when a customer cancelled their order on me the next day and I wasn't gonna get paid that week.)

"Bet, more than a pet to worship,
it's an MD-recommended sense of purpose."
Lyrics.  

Writing stuff updates! The "Invalid Item"  is out! Chock full of fantastic information and people to read, as always. And "Note: You guys! Your favorite contest is starting back..."...there's an old favorite contest firing back up in July! No, sorry...I didn't mean "Game of Thrones" ...it's an official round of the "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" ! Same concept, except for everything that's not the same. No reviewing. Nothing cutthroat. Minimal cheering. Some comments. One exclusive MB will be given out. So yeah, nothing's the same. Not even close. But join in anyway, because it's fun and no one dies.

Sad day in the world of sports. Basketball loses legendary college coach Pat Summitt  , who redefined women's hoops in an untouchable run at the University of Tennessee, and the football community is mourning the loss of Buddy Ryan  , who was every bit a character as he was a defensive coaching guru...his sons are both coaches for my hometown Buffalo Bills, and I've always respected the fiery attitude of a Ryan-led defense (that played up to its talent level). The circles both Summitt and Ryan have occupied are weakened without their presences.

Now back to the fun stuff...I've probably shared this before but it was still in my Pocket app (until today...I deleted it so it's for sure the last time you'll see it from me) and with this past weekend having seen many high schools in the area celebrate their graduating seniors, let's take a look at what it means to be so done with school  .

One of my favorite poems of all-time is "The Love Song Of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot, and it is my pleasure to share with you an updated version   for the 21st century.

And finally, instead of selfies and narcissists and general buffoonery, let us celebrate something far more important: GIFs of people accidentally getting hit in the face  . This is why the internet truly exists.

Ok friends...looks like I've said about all I need to say for another couple months or so. Remember, don't judge me just because your cat hates me, or that I know how to take a somewhat decent picture of myself. I am compassionate enough to understand we can't all be so gifted, and I expect the same compassion from you . Peace, homie don't fetch, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!