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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/889376-Fighting-the-God-Delusion
Rated: 13+ · Book · Comedy · #2090066
Who wants to be President?
#889376 added August 6, 2016 at 6:58pm
Restrictions: None
Fighting the God Delusion

David awakes in a Heavenly palace.
There are 17 vestal virgins standing about his bed.
A vestal virgin is a girl between the ages of 13 to 18,
according to the Bible, who has not had sexual intercourse.
A teenage girl is generally chatty and contentious.
They bombard David with questions.
He does not have the answers..
He has just died in a terrorist attack on a group of
Fox News reporters in a tour bus.

David has a desire to ask God for an explanation.
But, he can't find God in the palace.
And the 17 vestal virgins are becoming more impatient.
David goes outside the palace into a lovely garden
with a blue sky and equally blue pool.
There is a ruckus over the table heaped with food and
drink.
There is no wine, that is forbidden in David's faith.
David begins to wonder if this Heaven is Hell.

Sarah Silverman awakes in the Heavenly palace.
She is in another bedroom in the palace..
She has recently died from a terrorist attack
on a Fox News tour bus.
17 virgin boys stand around her bed masturbating.
She is shocked by this and leaps from her bed
and makes a dash down the marble hall to the garden.

The boys pursue her and encounter David's 17 vestal virgins,
who loose the virginity on the lawn and in the pool.
Sarah immediately recognizes David and kicks him in the crotch.
David falls into the pool and scrambles past the virgins back
out the pool.

"Listen! If I knew Heaven was like this, I would have stayed
in Canada!." David said tearfully.

"I'm an atheist!
I must be hallucinating this in a hospital.."
Sarah eyes some of vestal virgins coming there way..
"Jesus! Run!" she screams.

Sarah and David lock themselves in a honeymoon suit
and barricade the doors with furniture.
"Okay, assuming your not a nightmare from my coma,
what the Hell is going on?" Sarah pleaded with David
and noticed they were both naked and she was young again.

"It is written that a martyr will receive a palace and
17 virgins in Heaven.. I suppose we are in Heaven together."
David shrugged and kissed Sarah.

"I'm an atheist." Sarah paused after the kiss and they
made love in the King Henry the 8th bed.

"What the f*** am I doing?
You murdered me.
Your a terrorist' lay.." Sarah giggled.

The doorbell rang.
"Bing-bong." Sarah giggled.
"Don't let those horny little bastards in!"
she shouted.

Adolf Hitler appeared out nowhere.
"Heil!" he said with a click of his boots.
Sarah screamed, "We're in Hell!"
"Hitler was a great man." David said.

"I am an Angel of the Lord.
The Lord rewards all the soldiers of God."
Hitler took off his uniform and had sexual intercourse
with David and Sarah Silverman.

"What the f*** am I doing?!"
Sarah put her head in her hands.

"In Heaven we must do vaht the Lord commands!"
Hitler exclaimed and smacked Sarah's butt.
"This is insane! I-I don't believe it!"
Sarah was on her hands as Hitler did her doggy style.
David opened the doors and let the virgins run in.
'Oh my God!" Sarah screamed as she was encircled
by the masturbating boys.


Reflections~ Why should an all powerful God be moral?


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