Thoughts & Things

Struggling

I haven't done a great job of keeping up with my blog this week. I definitely feel as though I have been struggling. November tends to be not a great month of the year for me, as my seasonal affective disorder starts to properly affect my moods for the season. I feel like this is just an excuse.

I have been trying at making sure that I continue to write as much as possible, although I don't really feel as though I have done so. I was thrown off balance when I didn't have computer access unexpectedly for a few days. It has been hard to get back on track.

I feel as though my NaNo project is suffering for it. I am not sure how I feel about the writing itself, and actually getting it on paper feels tiring. Other conflicting ideas have popped into my head, like writing a history book for children.

I am trying to stay focused and to get back into my groove, but it's so hard. I know I just have to keep at it. I know that I can do this. I am planning on buckling down. I need to be able to do this. After trying so hard in October at prep, I feel like if I can't finish this, I won't be able to finish any novel.

I need to avoid my depression fall back comfort things. They absorb a lot of time and energy, and they distract me from my ultimate goals. I know it will be hard. I am thinking that perhaps writing should become a thing I always do in the morning. I am always more productive throughout the whole day with writing when I do that writing in the morning. I also know that at that point in the day, I haven't had time to get distracted yet.

I can do this. I just have to do it. I have to stay focused on the idea of it at all, and I have to keep at it. I need to constantly remind myself what I am capable of right now.