Memories of Snow

NaNoWriMo Day19: Questions Answered Etc. (WC:2164)

Jalál (Glory), 17 Qudrat (Power), 173 BE - Saturday, November 19, 2016 AD about 7:40 AM Pacific Standard Time

It's Creation Saturday and I have to write a response for three blog prompts. Well I suppose I don't have to, but I want to. I'm composing the responses as part of my NaNoWriMo Day 19 entry because I know they are going to contain some personal information which should go in this journal. I'm planning (right now) to use these journal entries as part of an autobiography, so I need to get as much personal information in it as I can. I suspect there are members of my family that going to be pissed at me writing an autobiography, but there isn't anything I can do about that. I know that sounds selfish; however, I'm not sure that I'm being selfish. I'm just attempting to come to terms with the problems in my life that have caused problems for me since childhood. There are certain secrets that should never be kept and I've kept them too long. Maybe this will help someone else going through a similar situation.

Prompt response for 30-Day Blogging Challenge

"And this is where the magic happens." I think this refers to prayer, especially the prayers revealed by Baha'u'llah and The Bab or written by 'Abdu'l-Baha. I have experienced miracles after saying these prayer. When I recite or read them because my attitude changes dramatically. When I recite a prayer from the one of these three men my depression and negative attitude depart. Something positive always occurs when I'm in a positive frame of mind. If something negative or bad happens those events don't have a detrimental effect on me when my attitude and expectations are positive.

Prompt response for Blogging Circle of Friends

Astrology seems to be all the rage in some circles. I don't believe the stars have as much an effect on a person's life as the decisions that they make for themselves or let other people make for them. Sometimes I read my horoscope and sometimes I don't. Even though I haven't read my horoscope for several months, I still have a astrology website in my Web Favorites. That's because I sometimes use the astrology signs for character creation. In addition, if I'm stuck for a plot idea or a poem theme I will go to the website and read either my horoscope or someone else's.

I've never discovered any scientific study that proved a relationship between a person's personality or actions and the stars. I'm not saying that there isn't, what I'm saying is that I have discovered reliable proof that there is a relationship. What I do know is that horoscopes don't appear to relate to my life except on random occasions. When there does appear to be a relationship there are other conditions that don't relate to the horoscope prediction. Will probably continue using the horoscope for character creation and random inspiration, but for nothing else. At least until I can discover scientific proof that there is some sort of effect on my life or the events in my life.

Prompt Response for Blog City

"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." (Marcus Aurelius) This is true. Everyone perceives the world from their own minds and memories of the events in their own lives. There for everyone has a slightly different opinion of what reality is. I suspect there may be a collective reality surrounding all the individual perceptions of reality. I also suspect that each individual's perception of reality has an effect on the collective reality that surrounds them. Since I have no real proof of this (it's only a feeling or an intuition) I can only state my opinion of the subject which takes me back to the beginning of Marcus Aurelius' statement about everything being an opinion.

"You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." (Marcus Aurelius) It's our thoughts that determine how we view the world. If we accept the opinions of our ancestors, which we were taught by our family or through interaction with our culture then we anything that disagrees with those opinions as evil or negative. However, when we question the opinions we been taught then we start to search for truth ourselves which changes the way we think about other people and ourselves. Once we begin searching for truth ourselves then we begin using the power of our mind to discover our true selves and the universe around us and to determine truth for ourselves.

About 2:35 PM Pacific Standard Time

Thoughts About the Rest of November
and Mom

What difference does a few hours make? The answer is the clouds of depression gathering on the horizon. One possible reason is that I need to start taking an afternoon nap, but I don't want to take a nap because it's difficult for me to get out of the recliner to go to the bathroom. Having an overactive bladder is a bit of an issue when it comes to naps and sleeping at night because that's when it's most difficulty for me to get out of the recliner, up off a bed or a couch. Instead of taking a nap, I'm going to write and intone God's Most Great Name because those actions work better to dispel depression then a nap.

This morning, I felt as if everything would be alright, which I think was due to intoning the morning prayer, taking a ride out of the house and neighborhood, and writing. I'm not planning on going anywhere this afternoon because I don't need to go anywhere and I have more words to writing. I also have to plan next week's activities. Next week is Thanksgiving week which means I have to get everything accomplished between Monday, November 22, and Wednesday, November 23, so that I don't have to leave the house for anything on Thanksgiving Day.

The only thing I want to do on Thanksgiving is pray and write. I don't want to deal with anyone outside the neighborhood unless God has other things planned for that day. Every Thanksgiving since 2012 I remember Mom's last Thanksgiving. I think that would be a good title for a blog entry on that day. I don't think there will be too many blog prompts for Thanksgiving so I can write anything I want. Of course, that depends on the Will of God for my Thanksgiving Day.

Another personal anniversary this month is November 29. Mom passed away on November 29, 2012. I suspect that will be a difficult day for me, but I'm not sure. I know that every year since 2012 I've been depressed on that day. I miss Mama so much and the missing here doesn't get any better with the passage of the years. The one comfort I have is that she is in the Abha Kingdom with Baha'u'llah and her parents. The last year of her life, Mama asked all the time where her parents were. She didn't remember that they died in Blackwell, Oklahoma years ago so I had to make up stories about where they were and why they didn't call her. I even told her once that they called when she was out of the house. I know it was a lie, but Mom had Alzheimer's disease and it would only have upset her if she knew they were dead. Perhaps I should write about the years with Mom dealing with the Alzheimer's and it's progress.

About 4:30 PM Pacific Standard Time

Dear Baha'u'llah,

I'm planning on going to the Sunday Spiritual Service at the Baha'I center tomorrow. The services start at 2:00 PM. I have to be out of there before 5:00 PM because I have to be home before dark because of the way the tail lights either hit or miss working. They sometimes work a little while and then switch off. Sometimes they don't come on at all. Baha'u'llah, I'm asking you for help to get me back home before dark.

It's been a long day. I'm tired because I didn't take a nap this afternoon. At least, I think that's why I'm tired. The problem is that I don't think I'm getting any rest when I sleep. I have a cough which I think the medication I picked up today might take care of; I hope it takes care of the cough. I suspect I'm allergic to something, but I don't know what. I need your help to figure that out. If my afternoon weariness isn't due to not getting enough sleep then there's another problem. I place this situation into your hands as well, Baha'u'llah.

I think the other thing I need to discuss in this letter is my finance. First, I want to thank you for the help you've given me in this area. I know that you and God know about my financial problems and how I need to solve them. I know that I need to increase my income. I also need to cut down some of my expenses. The problem with cutting down expenses is that I don't think before I spend more money and increase the amount going out. I'm not sure how I'm going to solve this because I do it before I put my brain into gear.

I've been doing surveys which bring in a little money, but not enough. Part of my problem is I'm afraid to attempt to make a living by using my talent to write. I've got a novel to finish editing and get published, but I'm afraid the novel isn't good enough. I need your help in this area as well. Baha'u'llah, I need your help in all areas of my life. I know that you've helped me in the past and that you will help me in the future. You're also helping me in the present.

I need to increase my exercise. I need to get back to walking around the block. I'm talking about the entire block and not just half of it. I got out of the habit of walking so I suspect I'll have to force myself to get back into the habit again. When I went to the doctor on Friday, I'd last another two pounds. I'm now down to 234 and I need to lose another fifty pounds. I need to get down to about 199 or maybe 195. I used to weigh 145 when I was young, but I don't know if it's a good idea to get back down to that weight. I don't know if it's possible for me to get back down to that weight.

I'm sure there are other things I need to discuss with you, Baha'u'llah. I may have to write myself notes about that because when I sit down to write I usually begin with a subject I didn't intend to discuss. It could be that I'm discussing subjects that are more important than the ones I planned to discuss. As you know I'm planning to use part of these NaNo entries in a autobiography. I need to discuss some of the issues from my childhood and youth that still cause me problems. Sometimes I'm afraid to write about them, but I know that I have to confront and deal with them if I'm going to heal spiritually (is that the phrase I want) and forgive.

Always yours,
N.F. Darbe AKA Prosperous Snow

Jamál (Beauty), 18 Qudrat (Power), 173 BE - Saturday, November 19, 2016 AD about Sunset Pacific Standard Time

Well it's about Sunset here in Las Vegas so the solar day will be changing. I wish I had a car that I could drive after dark because I'd like to attend the Nineteen-Day Feast. However, since I don't have tail lights after dark there isn't anyway I can attend an evening Feast. Therefore I have to figure out another way to celebrate. The Feast of Qawl begins tomorrow evening, but Feast of Qawl I mean the Feast day of the Month of Speech which is the English translation of Qawl. Maybe I need to write some memories about the Feast of Qawl.

This Feast is special for me because it was the first Nineteen-Day Feast I attended as a Baha'I. It seems like a long time ago that I attended that Feast. I have to see if I can remember what year. Sometimes the years merge into a collage of images. I don't know if it means there is a problems or that I just don't hold the number of the years as important. It could also stem from something that happened when I was a child. This is something that I have to explore either in this journal or in a latter one because I'm sure that I'm going to need a lot more information and memories for an autobiography.