Everyday Canvas

Why We Limit Ourselves

Prompt: What may be some of the ways a person might limit or unnerve oneself while dealing with his or her loved ones?

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I think some of those limits begin in childhood and they continue into adulthood, unless carefully examined and discarded. Later in life, when people do things along the lines of the stuff that bug us from childhood, we usually burst out in anger, shame, sadness, or guilt, even if those people have entered our lives in adulthood.

Unfortunately, what happens in earlier life and its effects are not easily recognized. If we resented loved ones who were liars and manipulators, for example, we may resent and dislike even more deeply those other people who lie and manipulate in later life. Thus holding on to earlier resentments is one limiting reaction that grows into our later lives.

Another one is what I like to call the pushed-over-saint reaction. It is something the religions applaud but one that works against the person. If we have been pushed over or made to care for others while a child, be it physically or emotionally, we end up learning not to put ourselves first. In the rare case that we indulge ourselves once in a blue moon, we die of guilt inside. In other words, we are more judgmental of ourselves than anyone else.

Then another one is trying to live up to the others’ expectations. There is nothing wrong with wanting perfection if the person wants it for himself or herself, but it is a hurtful thing when we kill ourselves with work of any kind only because a parent or another adult put that expectation into us, which we may not even realize or recall that they did.

Yet, another limiting response to life is the fear of success. If a child might have been put down consistently or rebuked for little things, he or she comes to believe s/he can’t succeed and if s/he does, s/he doesn’t deserve it, so s/he may do things to undermine herself even if s/he has succeeded.

When we seriously examine our false illusions and behaviors that limit our thoughts, beliefs, and happiness, and then either work with them or eliminate them, we begin to appreciate ourselves more and to also treat others with compassion and understanding. Then hopefully, we might make the world a much better place to live in for everyone.