Thoughts & Things

The Paradox of Being Sick

As a person with chronic illnesses, some diagnosed and some still being investigated, I have come to realise that most of the health problems I go through daily tend to be one giant paradox. Some of the health problems I have are more serious, and some of them are mire mundane but frustrating. Ultimately all of them end up becoming part of a bizarre paradox where I am sick because I am sick.

First off, I am in pain. I have nearly constant pain for a number of reasons. One thing that can help prevent pain is keeping active. Unfortunately, being in pain makes most activity rather difficult. I can't exercise because I am in pain, and the pain is worse because I don't exercise. Even worse, when I am able to exercise, I must know exactly where to draw the line, otherwise I hurt myself. As a former athlete, this can be rather difficult to cope with.

Depression is all a part of chronic illness, and it is the ultimate paradox. I am too depressed to do things that make me feel good. I feel better when I do things that make me happy, but I am not always well enough to do those things. The depression feeds into itself.

Sleeping issues are absolutely baffling at times. Have you ever been too tired to sleep? I feel that way almost every night. Of course that means I am nearly constantly tired. I have lied down in public places to relieve the kind of fatigue that is unfathomable to a healthy person, but these resting periods almost never give me energy. I pass out unecessarily, and I can't sleep when I need to.

Nausea and abdominal pain is outrageous for me. I feel sick if I eat, and I feel sick if I don't. Food makes me feel both better and worse all at once. And don't forget the hiccups. They never go away, but food and drink make them worse. Lying in one position aggravates one abdominal symptom, and lying in another aggravates a different one.

Fainting and blacking out is terrifying and I can't seem to prevent it. I am always hoping that it doesn't happen in a moment where I might hurt myself or put myself in danger. Of course, if I don't hurt myself, doctors don't tend to take me as seriously. Passing out for a second on the stairs got me more help from doctors than lengthy blackouts have.

Sitting aggravates my symptoms. Lying down aggravates my symptoms. Standing up aggravates my symptoms. bending over aggravates my symptoms.

There doesntdoesn't seem to be anything that can be done to avoid these circular situations. All I can do is hope that the doctors can do more for me. All I can do is gope I can get the help I need, and get out of this mess of a situation.

(I have committed to blogging daily with Give It 100. This is Day Nine.)