Fighting For A Life Worth Living

Day 24 - Chaos in the Kitchen

I sit here perplexed as I think about yesterday. It should have ended with me feeling very proud of myself, instead it ended with late night munchies that unraveled me and all the progress I have made in the last 24 days. For me the hardest part is that I used one of my tricks and it failed me, leaving me with nothing except an overwhelming since of betrayal.

I woke up yesterday determined to be well balanced throughout the whole day. I was shocked at breakfast when I looked at the nutrition label on my protein bar and light yogurt and realized that my protein bar did not have a sufficient amount of carbs in it as I thought it would. Combined both sources of food only had 30 grams of carbs. I have been told to try and consume around 50 grams of carbs per meal. I ended up having 2 slices of toast to finish breakfast and I do not believe I have ever been more satisfied after breakfast. Usually I am starving in a couple of hours.

Knowing I have been putting off trying a new salmon recipe I found online. I am not a huge seafood fan, it's hard enough to get me to eat a fillet, but if it's looking back at me or has bones, there is nooo way I will eat it. Trying to be optimistic I made a note that read, Were having salmon tonight and it's going to be good (tell yourself this repeatedly). It didn't work I was not happy about eating salmon at all. It seems to me that everything is compared to chicken, if they made seafood taste like beef and potatoes without the calories I could live with it. To be honest I don't think the salmon wanted to be eaten either, cooking it was stressful. In Iowa you want to buy frozen seafood because it is a lot fresher than the meat departments selection. The salmon we usually eat has a cook time considering it's frozen, last nights salmon had a cook time suggesting the fillet was not frozen. Trying hard to make everything finish at the same time I was very stressed when my potatoes were done, the oven timer was going off, and my sister in law had just received a bad check up from the doctor and needed to talk. If you think that's good just wait it gets better. I take the potatoes off of the heat and check the salmon. Majority of it is still raw and here I thought it would be done so I could quickly mash the potatoes and we could eat. Not a big problem it happens all the time and there is a easy solution, cook it longer. I cook it for 5 more minutes, pull it out and realize it is still raw on the top. We let it cook for another 3 minutes when we check it it's appearance tells us it's cooked for the most part and now I can proceed to the next part in my recipe, which is to broil it for a few minutes. This is when things got crazy. After a minute of broiling, the parmesan that fell off of the salmon started burning, causing the smoke detector to sound. I quickly pulled out the salmon when a piece of the aluminum foil caught fire. I was able to put the fire out before it got out of control, meanwhile the smoke detector is still going off, not to mention my phone is blowing up with text messages. I'm not going to lie after all of that I was hoping the fish would be ruined and I wouldn't have to eat it. Of course I would have had the attitude of I made an effort and it just didn't work out. The only thing left to do would have been to order pizza. Unfortunately sometimes you can't catch a break. We checked it's temperature and after all of that the salmon was still a few degrees undercooked. switching from the broiler back to the oven we cooked it a little longer and then it was finished and we could eat. The salmon did have a good flavor, but I would rather have had a burger.

After supper our evening calmed down and we decided to watch TV, 9'clock rolls around and I'm hungry. I turn to my go to food, popcorn. After eating a bag I am satisfied for a while and then at 11:30 I feel like I am starving. The last time this happened I went to McDonalds and after eating I was fine. Last night I got a 6 piece chicken nuggets for the protein and a small fry for the sodium and afterwards I was still hungry. It wasn't until I ate 3 Atkins bars that I was satisfied. I am baffled that the chicken nuggets didn't satisfy me and need to think of something better than McDonalds when I become really hungry at night. I pray tomorrow is a lot less exciting.