Fighting For A Life Worth Living

Day 44 - Excited With A Hint Of Mixed Emotions

Today's blog is not going to be about weight loss or healthy eating. Yesterday was a very weird day, I just glided through it without facing any struggles or large triumphs. It is nice to have a day like that when I have been trying so hard for what has seemed like an eternity, but has really only been six weeks.

Over the weekend I was feeling very frisky and wanting to have sex all the time. For three days all I could think about was how badly I wanted to dance between the sheets with my husband. Noticing how horny I was, he made a comment that has left me excited with a hint of mixed emotions.

He told me that the last time he couldn't keep me off of him is when we got pregnant and had the miscarriage. That is a very good observation and until this weekend I have never been as horny as I was when we became pregnant. The two of us have wanted a family for a very long time and he has never lost hope like I have. The observation has left him desperately hoping a pregnancy will happen again. If I become pregnant I will be excited, but my weight is going to have me stressing out. My first concern is what if I lose another baby. The first miscarriage crushed me and I don't know if I could get through another one. My other major concern is a little silly but legit. I am already a large woman, if I became pregnant will I be able to find any clothes that will properly fit me? I still have a long way to go on my getting healthy journey. Do I have the strength to continue the changes I have made to my lifestyle? I know I am unnecessarily freaking out, but now I feel I am between a rock and a hard place. I want to be hopeful of a pregnancy, at the same time I don't want my hopes to get up.

P.S. I am doing a great job of not stress eating!