Selah // Something Witty

A bullet from the dark.

Date: 07.20.17 -- Day 45
Music: "Skin" / Rag'n'Bone Man

It's kind of amazing how things can change so swiftly in such a short amount of time. I was suppose to do a bunch of errands today, including a trip south to see my rheumatologist. However, in a snap, the appointment needed to be rescheduled. Then the order I was going to pick up was pushed back a day. And then someone I admired died this morning, taking his own life. Talking about any of that really isn't in the cards though. There is only so much rawness of being I can handle today, so I'm going to tackle that later on and divert my brain a bit; it seems like the kindest thing I can do for myself right now.

This past month has been me trying to get back into short story writing as I've primarily dedicated myself to longer endeavors theae last couple of years, nothing of which is anywhere near finished. If anything, things seem to be getting bigger, broader, and longer, lol. My love for world-building can get the best of me sometimes. So my hope has been to get one short story finished by the end of the month. The original expectation was five, which I whittled down to three, and has finally rested at one given how fast I'm writing. (It's so slow, it's nonexistent.)

The big problem, if you haven't guessed it, is that I will get an idea for a story and my brain runs with it a bit too much. The first short story, "Caught A Long Wind" , was suppose to be for a fantasy contest that is due today. There's just no way I'm going to finish on time. There's still too much to get all the parts done. I simply built the world too big. My second short story, "Blue Moon's Folly" , for a supernatural contest is ending up as a small part in a bigger universe I first started engineering back during my first NaNo in 2009. Needing to get the details right, I'm going back through files, trying to lay down all the pieces. It's kind of becoming absurd.

Realizing how ridiculous this was, I took a break yesterday and watched a couple of movies I've been meaning to catch up on - Warcraft and The Last Witch Hunter. The first had potential, but the editing was a mess and all the emotional payoffs they were hoping for fell short because of it. The latter was actually pretty decent? I went in with low expectations, but the production was smooth and beautiful, and the story as a whole, until the end, was actually quite nice. It was a pleasant surprise. A surprise that my brain took as permission to ask questions, to make fresh stories, to create something new...and big.

Why is it always big and grand?

I should let it go. I mean, really, I should let it float away. It's not like a need a new idea or a new story that is wide sweeping and needs a boatload of tinkering. Yet here I am. I'm just not the kind of person to let stories slide through my fingers. At least not yet. So I'm going to arch it like I've been doing the others and just roll with the progression of everything. Because it's summer, and one of my few happy places, and this is what I do? Honestly, I want to see where it goes. I want to see what my protagonist can do with the lot she's been given. Maybe it'll take my mind off things and potentially help me process everything else. For a while I'll be in another world with different rules and potentially happier endings. I can live with that for today.