MY AL-ANON BLOG...

LISTENING

         God/my Higher Power is teaching me that “listening/understanding” is more important than being “heard/understood.”

         Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.
         O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. --Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Also, here are a few excerpts of members' personal sharings from the Al-Anon "conference approved literature:"

         To give comfort, we have to know comfort. We learn the meaning of kindness and the value of non-judgmental listening from those who gave it to us. Passing it on reinforces our own recovery. Listening to people who have felt the same feelings, and sometimes tried the same crazy things to cope with the insanity of alcoholism, helps us to develop acceptance of ourselves as well as others. [emphasis added] Paths to Recovery, page 177

         When I came to Al-Anon, I finally found the peace I desired so much. Al-Anon taught me that the path to peace is accepting the people, places, things, and situations I cannot change. Accepting myself as I am, by working Steps Four through Nine, freed me from my self-inflicted inner judge and jury. Accepting others with the use of the Serenity Prayer allowed me to stop fighting. Acceptance allows God to do what I cannot.
Acceptance opens the door for my growth and leads me on my spiritual journey, one day at a time. Hope for Today, January 18, page 18

         I am learning to apply --- Awareness, Acceptance and Action (the three A's) --- to “listening/understanding.”
                   First, as I interact, I become aware when I am not listening.
                   Second, I accept that I must listen.
                   Third, I begin to actively listen.

         Recently, someone came to the office where I work, knocking repetitively on the back door where there is a clear sign that says, "please use the front door." Then he went around to the front. Instead of opening the door and entering the office as a sign on the front door says, he repetitively rang the intercom/doorbell.

         As I opened the door, he was walking away toward the side parking lot. He told me who he was here to see and asked me to send that person around to his car. [The guy was here to replace a windshield.] I told him that I would.

         However, the person in question was indisposed. So, I opened the back door and spoke to the windshield repairman and told him exactly that. He then repetitively told me that all "he" had to do was to use his clicker to open the door. I again said, "He" is indisposed and will be out shortly. [In my minds eye, How could he possibly use his clicker since he was using the restroom.] The repairman kept repeating himself. "All he has to do is use his clicker." I then said---a little louder---"He" is in the restroom. Same scenario kept playing out. Finally, in exasperation I said, "When he finishes pooping, he will be out." To which, the repairman again said, "All he has to do is use his clicker to open the car."

         In retrospect, all I had to do was "listen" to the guy, acknowledging I understood what he was saying... and then close the door and retreat into the office.

         In the Al-Anon program, when it comes to change, I learn that change comes when I focus on myself/my part in any given situation.