Thoughts & Things

Health and Activism

You may have noticed I had taken a bit of a break from my blog. It wasn't fully intentional, but it was absolutely necessary. I am hoping I will be able to keep it updated more regularly going forward. My primary reasons for taking this slight break are my health and activism.

As far as my health goes, I have been feeling like absolute garbage lately. I have had the worst time trying to take care of myself over the last couple of weeks, and all of my regular symptoms seem to be amplified. Today I has a gastroscopy done, which went smoothly, although I still feel pretty messed up from the sedation. I have an arrhythmia specialist appointment coming up soon, along with my annual physical with my GP. I just want to know what's wrong with me. I've been off of work for some time, and I feel more and more awful emotionally for being off work as more time passes. I feel like I am not contributing to society in any way. I feel like the longer I am off of work with no answers, the more people (my doctor included) think I am just faking it. I just want to be believed, and to have the chance to feel better, even if I can't be cured.

As far as my activism goes, I have been making more of an effort to make a strong stand in my community, despite my health making it difficult to do so. I attended an anti-hate rally in solidarity with those in Charlottesville, which featured speakers, poetry, and a pair of lovely older women leading us in 60s protest songs. This also prepared us for a more important gathering, a counter protest. Several hate groups (particularly anti-Islam hate groups) have been making a stand in my local community. A counter protest was arranged for one of their gatherings. They had about forty people show up. We had about five hundred. We were able to drown out the sound of their hate speech, even when they had a microphone. Unfortunately, it didn't stop us from seeing their signs, many of which were incredibly vile. There was a strong police presence, which ended up being fortunate as one of the people in my group was punched in the face. The day was otherwise a resounding success. Unfortunately for me, my body doesn't care if it was successful, I paid the price physically. I only wish I could attend such events without having to take specific health precautions, and without paying the price in pain, exhaustion, and loss of functionality for the days following. Despite the price I pay to be there, I will attend the next march/rally/protest happily if I am well enough to on that day (and right now that would be Take Back the Night).

The last few weeks have amounted to a lot of very necessary self-care. This has mostly been reading, with a little bit of television, film, and gaming thrown in for good measure. It has been a rough couple weeks, and I don't know that I am doing much better, but I am taking care of myself and my community. I am seeking out answers for my health, and trying my best to contribute locally while I do so. All I can do is hope for the best, but self-care for the worst.