Challenging Poetry

the sugar dilemma

food and I
used to be friends,
but with time and diabetes,
the relationship has soured,
and eating becomes a chore.
I evade chores.

when I eat,
it begins with the ritual
shedding of blood,
just one drop
to taste how sweet it is.

I remember a time
when seeing blood
meant something was wrong,
when I couldn’t bear
to prick my finger to test my blood type
in high school biology.

each meal is mental arithmetic
and calculation:
how much fruit,
vegetable, grain,
milk, sugar—
they’re all sugar,
complex and simple—
can I afford
to feed my blood?

I remember a time
when I simply went to the fridge
for a glass of juice
or treated myself to
a handful of M&Ms
without counting the cost.
I miss thoughtless treats.
I miss taking eating for granted.

how much insulin
do I send to my hungry cells
so that I don’t
starve while food crystallizes
in my blood, ripping into my
veins and tearing through
my organs?
so I don’t
empty my blood of sugar
and die?
it’s stepping out
on a line with a slow death
on one side
and a quick one on the other.

and I must do it every day,
because food cannot
be shunned forever—eating is
obligatory if I choose life.

and I choose to live.

line count: 53