Complex Numbers

Bear essentials

When I decided to be lazy and order toilet paper online rather than schlep to the grocery store, I had no idea what I was in for.

The bumwad appeared on time, though I had to wonder how long it was sitting on my front step advertising itself to the neighbors.

See, it arrived in a box with the brand logo on it. The brand logo... and mascot.

Leaving aside for a moment the perfectly reasonable question of why in the actual fuck does shitwipe have a mascot, said mascot is...

...a bear.

A BEAR.

A bear with soulless, fake-lash eyes that peer into the murky depths of your... soul (you thought I was going to write something else, didn't you?)

Not only that, but she's leaning around a wall, or a doorway. Leering. Watching you use her product in the manner for which it was intended.

Don't believe me? Here:

https://cdn1.fishpond.co.nz/0176/014/358/907024384/original.jpeg

I think my next order will be a bidet.