Writing about writing

October 22nd 2018

This isn't what I wanted, but
I can't keep my filthy fucking mouth shut
         All To Myself, Marianas Trench

Right now, I feel incredible. I do so, because I’m on hardcore morphine, which is making me high as a kite. The reason for this is that about two years ago I slammed my head into a wall (obviously not on purpose), which gave me a never-ending concussion. It’s not there all of the time, but sometimes it comes back with a vengeance, and trust me, it hurts like a motherfucker. Which is exactly why I need the morphine, because if I didn’t pop one of those little babies, I would be lying on my bathroom floor, crying and puking and thinking I was dying. It came today, and sometimes the pills make me fall asleep, sometimes they just numb out the pain, but once in a blue moon, they will make me incredibly high. Last time this happened, I spend about two hours on the floor, talking to my cat and telling her how pretty she was. The reason I’m telling you this is that this blog might be complete nonsense, and therefore you have now been warned of useless gibberish.

I “finished” my notes today, meaning, I think they are done, but I’m going to give them an extra critical look once we hit October 31st. I think they’re good though, in fact, I think they hold everything I need to know, to get this baby off the ground. I seriously can’t wait to write it, I’m aiming for a chapter a day, which is going to be hard as fuck. It also means I can look somewhat into the future, and make an estimate on how much I’ll need to write any given day of November. For instance I am supposed to go to this big party November 2nd, but one of the really long chapters are supposed to be done that day, so already now I can tell people that I’m not sure I’ll be there. It’s really weird to be able to do that, like, think about it! I am literally a psychic in regards to my own work, how freaky is that?! I guess that’s true all the time, actually, when I write some notes on what will happen further down the line, I am psychic on behalf of the characters! Wow. That is… Beyond weird. I have honestly never thought about it that way before. I’m like God to these people, I decide their faith, and I know exactly how it’s going to pan out for them. Well damn.

Anyways, my point is… Oh god, I have no idea what my point was. Even re-reading that, I seriously have no idea where I was going with that. Maybe I just wanted to tell you all that my notes for “Murder Michael Mayhem” are finally done, and now I can take a few days off, before starting the actual writing. I can assure you that those days will be spend reading, I’ve reserved no less than five books at the library, and I hope they’ll get there soon enough, that I can get through all of them before November. They are, of course, books on writing. Do I ever do anything other than that? I’m starting to wonder, and be slightly worried at the same time.

Actually now that I think about it, I think I’ve got a few books of my own (on writing) that I haven’t gotten completely through yet. I think I’ll give them a glance this lovely evening, who knows, I might actually remember something intelligent tomorrow when this incredible high wears off! It really is a nice evening actually, the sun is starting to set, and the sky is colored all pink and purple. I think I might just sneak a cigarette sitting in the windowsill once I’m done writing this. Yes-yes-yes, I know I quit, but I smoked a few this weekend, and I’ve still got 14 left in the pack I bought. No way I’m throwing those babies away, that would really just be wasteful. So I take one every now and then, no big deal, I’ll be back on vapor as soon as I run out of those damned, amazing, wonderful piece of shit cancer sticks.

I’ve just uploaded chapter 4 of the Swaying Between Worlds novel, so be sure to check that out if you feel like it. Now I will go bury my face in soft kitty fur, read a little, and listen to a whole lot of music.