Down the Rabbit Hole

Birthdays and Beginnings

30-Day Blogging Challenge
PROMPT January 2nd
I’m 24 today! Write about your most memorable birthday.

I'm fast approaching the "45" milestone so I have a lot of birthday celebrations to look back over. Overall, many of the ones I can most remember are marked by disappointment. They stand out in memory because they take place during darker times in my life when celebrating anything seemed inappropriate and misplaced somehow. I'm sure many of my childhood birthdays were fun-filled and joyous, I seem to recall them in a collective blur of merriment but I couldn't pick out one with any clarity and be able to name it my "most memorable".

Oddly enough, the birthday I would pick is one I can remember very clearly for being the first birthday in a long time I felt was entirely about me. It was not tainted by the demands of a co-dependent ex or an addict brother. I'm not sure I really remember if I was turning 33 or 34 honestly, the age wasn't what made it so special. It was just the first birthday in a series of birthdays when I didn't feel guilt or distraction or pain or disappointment. I had started dating the man I would eventually marry and he had surprised me with a birthday weekend in Newport, RI. He'd booked us a room at the Bayberry Inn, a lovely B&B just outside town that had richly appointed rooms with fireplaces and Jacuzzi tubs. He had wine and chocolate covered strawberries waiting for me at the room. We dressed up and went to a beautiful birthday dinner at Castle Hill Inn. Castle Hill is just about the most scenic place in Newport, a grandiose mansion perched on top of a high with a perfect night sky view of the Newport bridge. That birthday I felt like I began to finally breathe again. I took great big gulps of grateful air and felt good, I felt hopeful. I'm not sure my husband even knows how significant that particular birthday celebration was in my life. It felt like a beginning, not just for our relationship, but the beginning of me taking back a life I was living too much for others.